THE ROUND Table Conference, known otherwise as the Gas Works, was on a whole, a happy event for all. It was happy, first of all, for the Prime Minister for it gave the impression that the Prime Minister and the Government were giving serious thought to our problems when, of course, they were doing nothing of the sort.

It was a happy occasion also for almost all of those who attended the Conference. There is nothing that Jamaicans like more than to make eloquent speeches about all our problems without any obligation to do anything about them. As usual, many fine proposals were made but nobody bothered to tell us how we were to find the money to implement them. Nevertheless, there were one or two real efforts. Colin Steele bravely suggested freezing public sector wages. This infuriated Danny Roberts of the NWU who walked out of the meeting though he subsequently returned when the Prime Minister assured him that nobody meant any harm.

Valueless

The able Richard Downer also questioned the validity of the bonds issued by FINSAC. But the Conference didn't want to face the fact that these bonds were probably valueless. Someone had suggested to me (not at the Conference of course) that FINSAC sell its assets, including all its bust hotels at a knock-down rock-bottom price to Grace Kennedy. I think that Douglas Orane, a very able man, would not dream of touching the stuff at any price.

Another able man, Peter Moses, brought up the subject, popular with everybody, that interest rates should be reduced. I was disappointed, though, that he didn't point out that the reduction of interest rates to any significant extent would involve pulling up most of the Government's fiscal policies. To begin with, if interest rates drop too low the Government might not be able to sell enough of the paper upon which it now depends to finance the Budget. Any consequent shift to the large purchase of US$ rather than the government paper would lead to devaluation of the J$. This would probably be a good thing for it would help all our exporters. But maintaining an overpriced J$ is one of the Government's sacred cows. There is also the myth that the high interest rate regime is necessary to control inflation ­ a bit of reasoning which I can't follow. I am coming to believe that prices are being held down not because of Government's policies but because the merchants realise that we are now all too broke to stand increased prices.

So, as I have said, this wonderful Conference left everything unchanged. So far as it was meant to stir the Government into action, it was a signal failure to the great delight of the Prime Minister and the Government.

Everyday difficulties

It is amazing how difficult it is these days to achieve the simplest of things. For example, last week I needed to buy a single bed mattress in a hurry and figured that I could solve the problem easily within an hour or two by simply asking some shop to deliver me a new one as they would have done in past days. So I decided to phone Courts. It took me more than half a day before I could find any of Courts many telephone numbers that were not constantly busy and then when I finally got through I came up against a veritable wall of red tape just as if I was dealing with a government department. Fortunately for me, one of my valued friends happened to visit me and when I told her about my difficulties she said she knew all the top people at Courts and would intervene on my behalf. Even so it took four days before the mattress was delivered. I think the mistake I made was to let Courts know that I was paying cash. Things might have gone faster had I asked for six months' credit.

But that was an insignificant difficulty compared with one I had with my bank. Sometime ago I moved my account to CIBC for safety. Well, that bank's safe enough but it took me a long time to get a cheque book with my name printed upon the cheque leaves. Last week, after two years of phone calls and nagging I finally got a suitable book. I think that CIBC is so keen on looking after the safety of its customers' money that it has neither time nor inclination to look after its customers' convenience.

Food information

Some time ago I recommended an ice cream shop called Newberry's on the Constant Spring Road and was accused by a writer in the Observer of trying to do a favour to the owner who he said was my friend, Dawn Ritch. In point of fact Newberry's is not owned by Dawn Ritch.

So perhaps I can take the risk of telling you that in addition to excellent ice cream and some very remarkable hot dogs they now supply a most excellent red pea soup. I am now a martyr to the stuff.