PERHAPS my favourite writer in the Daily Observer is Ian R. Ball whose erudition is remarkable.

I was surprised that his entertaining piece in the Observer of July 28 did not carry his name. The editor of the Observer should be proud to carry Mr. Ball's name on a column.

I have only one complaint about Ian Ball. He's really a little unkind to The Gleaner's Mary Smith. I must admit that Mary is as much bound to her dictionaries as the average parson is to the Bible. Even good people need support, even if that support is often flawed. Not everybody can be as intellectually agile as Mr. Ball.

In the column I refer to Mr. Ball brought up the word "often", which brings me to observe that pronunciation is essentially an exercise in snobbery, a defect from which, in matters of pronunciation, I greatly suffer. Incidentally, I'd be grateful if Mr. Ball, in his next piece, could tell me how it has come about that the word snob, which means a shoemaker, has come to indicate snootiness. A good shoemaker is, after all, a valuable person. Very few leading people and certainly no intellectuals can protect us from corns and bunions.

Back now to "often". I always say "often", not for any sound reason, but simply because I was brought up and educated among people who said "often". Which of course is an example of snobbery.

I get irritated when people pronounce the 't'. I get even more irritated at the Jamaican habit of writing "oftentimes". But then let me once again confess my snobbery by saying that I am completely steeped in the English habit of calculating social class on the basis of accent; a strange business which as far as I know is unique to the English.

At this point I would like to indulge in a deviation. During the second World War, when there was a fear of invasion, it was also feared that an invading enemy would seek to control all broadcasting stations. In consequence, a small department of experts was set up. Because Germans, Italians and the French, for example, speaking perfect English, might thus be able to deceive the British people, the job of these experts was to detect the nationality of these broadcasters no matter how well they spoke English.

Two of these experts came to see me one day at the Ministry of Information. They told me that they were experts in what they called "background" accents. They told me that by spotting background accents they could place not only the parts of England, Scotland, Wales or Ireland, that a broadcaster come from but should also spot the nationality of any foreigner no matter how perfectly he spoke English.

One of them said to me: "I do hope, Cargill that you will forgive us asking you a certain question. We heard you speak on the BBC. On the surface you have an English public school accent. But we know from your background accent that you are not English, but we can't figure out who the hell you are. Please forgive us for asking."

"The answer to that one is easy," I said. "I am a Jamaican."

"Good God!" said the man, "we never thought of that one."

Puzzled

Oddly enough they were not the only people to be puzzled. When I thought I was to be sent into France I acquired a French Mistress. That sounds romantic but wasn't. She was a staid elderly lady. But she said to me, "you know Mr. Cargill when you read French you don't sound like an Englishman."

"Not surprising," I replied. "I am West Indian."

"Ha! Martinique?"

"No," I said. "Jamaica."

So you see how one pronounces English is a very complex matter which is quite beyond me and probably even beyond Mr. Ball. The English are very accent-sensitive.

Talking of which, will Mr. Ball please complete his piece on serendipity? His columns are wonderfully serendipitous. But how did we end up with that difficult name Sri Lanka? Serendip was once the name for Ceylon. It was about Ceylon that the good Bishop Heber wrote "Where every prospect pleases but only man is vile". I don't know about Sri Lanka, but that would be an admirable description of Jamaica today.

I must finally add that I have nothing whatever against the Jamaican accent. But I am thoroughly opposed to Yahoolish.

We have had what we call Independence for nearly 40 years yet, except for possibly a very brief period during the 1950s and 1960s, we have maintained ourselves by borrowing from or sponging upon others. Which means that we have never lost our slave mentality. If we continue to speak like slaves we shall continue to think and behave like slaves. I would dearly like to see our Independence become a reality rather than a pretence.

I STAND CORRECTED

I have received the following letter from Mr. Alec Durie of the Times:

"After reading your article in today's Gleaner I can safely say that you did not take part in Admiral Perry's landing in Japan in the last century. If you had you would have discovered that the "Bound Feet" custom was a Chinese practice amongst the upper class women to show that they did not have to work for their living.

The Chinese also grew their fingernails to an inordinate length, sometimes over 12 inches, protecting them in jewelled sheaths to demonstrate their social prominence. (Can you imagine going through your whole life without having to wipe your own behind?).