MANYmoons ago when my friend Bob Lightbourne and I used to sit at the piano composing little songs for our own amusement if not for anybody else's, he would often cry out, "get a move on with the words Morris, for without the words, the music doesn't mean a thing".

There is now greater music. The Government is responsible for a new composition called "The Legislation Symphony". As an orchestra cannot move into your homes I am compelled to use words to describe to you this new musical experience.

The First Movement opens with a clash of cymbals, and a melody on, as you might expect, the fiddles. This describes the Anti-Corruption Act which imposes heavy fines upon offenders. But here the woodwinds come in descriptive of the even heavier fines imposed upon anybody who discloses its finding in public. With the Press thus silenced, no corruption will ever be exposed. This part of the symphony now dwindles away with a few last trembling notes on the flutes.

The Second Movement, known as the Night Noises Movement, opens with a series of discords from the clarinets and the French horns. The discords continue as the music describes the vast sound systems and their enthusiastic operators who, in spite of the law, are encouraged to shatter the peace of the country's citizens. This is resolved by the trombones, describing the numerous committees set up by the Prime Minister who pays no attention whatever to their reports.

The Third Movement begins with a slow funeral march, heralded by the trumpets, and a few loud beats from the tympani. This describes the dead bodies left unburied in cemeteries, unbushed and uncared for, and the hollow echoes from open graves. But this movement ends on a more cheerful note with the FINSAC quartet reading its sheet music symbolising the mounds of valueless paper given to lenders and also, most remarkably, used to pay the interest on the loans.

I don't know whether my verbal commentary will make this music a living reality, but as Bob Lightbourne said, without words, the music doesn't mean a thing.

But there is also another major composition that should be described. This is being performed by the full Orchestra of the Bank of Jamaica, conducted by the famous Maestro Derick Latibeaudiere. This piece is adapted from a Gershwin piece and is called the Rhapsody in Blues. It is in rehearsal now awaiting the final decision as to whether or not we are becoming poorer. If it should turn out that 1999 is another year of negative growth, the Orchestra will perform as the value of our dollar further depreciates. As any good musician or economist will tell you, rates of exchange reflect the relative riches or poverty of countries. They will also tell you that the proper function of a rate of exchange, as it goes up or down, is to regulate the volume of purchases from abroad. If in our case it should turn out that our Jamaican dollar takes another dive, this will not necessarily involve a performance of the Rhapsody in Blues, because the event would reduce the volume of our foreign purchases on the one hand, and, on the other would so increase the cost of servicing our foreign debt that it would stop our Government from any further borrowing.

In such a case we would be able to reduce our Dance Funebre and our Rhapsody in Blues by something more cheerful by Beethoven.

THE POPE IN INDIA

The Pope is an old man and should stay at home in the Vatican. India has quite enough religious trouble already with the Hindus and the Muslims at one another's throats without the Pope going there to stir up the Christians.

I am astounded by the insensitivity of a religious leader who goes to places like India or Africa where thousands of adults and children die regularly from famine, and then tells people that birth-control is a sin. With the world's population so dangerously expanding the real sin is to discourage birth-control.

The great strength of the Church of Rome has always been in its capacity to change and adapt to new circumstances. I am therefore quite sure that when the present Pope is carried off to his reward in Heaven, (which I trust will be quite soon) the next Pope, or perhaps even the one after, will abandon the position of birth-control and will probably even permit priests to marry. This permission would be a very good thing, if only to relieve the pressure on choirboys.

More than that, I am sure the time will come when women will be admitted to the priesthood. I see no reason against this, except for male chauvinism. After all, look what splendid people the Catholic nuns are.

LIES AND STATISTICS

In the course of a long and very varied life, I have had reason to deal with statistics concerning quite a few things. This has taught me what I considered to be an axiom, namely, never trust statistics if they are prepared by someone who has a strong emotional interest in the outcome. This does not necessarily mean that the person preparing the statistics has any dishonest intent, but human nature being what it is, the wish is often father to the thought, not only in statistical matters, but in other matters too. Look at the number of intelligent women who marry alcoholics in the earnest belief that they can reform them. A very few do, but the chances are very slim.

I am writing this as the result of seeing that a new economist has been assigned as "advisor" to Dr. Wesley Hughes. Next week I intend to write at greater length about this. All that I intend to say at the moment is that in the case of a government hell-bent on recklessly borrowing money from abroad, anything which might put that in jeopardy is obviously going to cause disquiet. Look at the fuss that Dr. Davies is making about Standard and Poor's report. Dr. Wesley Hughes is not the kind of man who allows his heart to rule his head, and should he make a report on our economy which might not be favourable, he would be very unpopular indeed in the circles of the government and the Bank of Jamaica. I will write more about this next week.