Avia Ustanny, Staff Reporter
ACCORDING to mental health therapist Phillippa Street-Collings: "Too often people think that if you love someone you automatically respect them. This is not a natural progression, for often love is based on exotic and erotic reasons. To respect me means that you like the person who I am; that you appreciate the similarities as well as the differences between us.
"It also includes consideration and empathy. Lots of people love, but they do not like. The relationships that endure the longest are true friendships coupled with passion. There is a need for sexual compatibility and intimacy, but if you are not liking the whole person there will be a breakdown.
Perfection
"Often, we set off in search of the perfect person who does not exist. Beware of your motives in establishing a relationship. Some people seek power meaning one partner views the other as being powerful sexually, financially or just emotionally controlling thereby enabling them to feel empowered.
"Others seek partners because they feel the need to be powerful themselves. They find someone who they can rescue, who appears needy. What is difficult to achieve is the notion that we are not perfect and that your partner will also arrive with baggage.
"Any meaningful arrangement begins with accepting this fact. It is a mistake to want to change people in line with our socialised ideals. These often cause conflict. If we learn to select partners as they are and for whom they are and respect them from that point of view, this is a good starting place. Recognise that people have to change based on their own initiative.
"Once you accept them, then you can determine if this is the person to whom you want to commit for life and build a relationship together.
Mutual
"Respect must be mutual. A partner is more likely to go out of her way to do something for the husband if this is also reciprocated; and if she feels it is not an obligation.
Space
"Recognise the need for space and individuality. Have enough self-esteem to realise that your partner might do something you do not want to do. Support him in achieving his dream, be it as simple as achieving a hobby or career.
"In a mutually respectful relationship, consider also that what you want to do will have an impact."
