Dear Pastor,
I am confused and having a problem. I have a baby for a man but I am not living with him. I am living on my own. Recently, I met another guy and we have been talking. We have not had sex. The problem is that I am having strong feelings for him, but I do not want to hurt my boyfriend.
I found out that these two men are cousins and I told the new man that I want to discontinue the relationship because I do not want to betray my baby father. My boyfriend and I have our fair share of problems and sometimes I feel as if I can't bother. I really love him.
This new man wants me to take him home to meet my relatives. He said that he is willing to give up anything for me. He will be leaving the island soon. What I am to do?
Confused, St. Mary
Dear Confused,
Your baby's father and you have been going together and you have not stated any reason for wanting to leave him. In fact, you have said you do not want "to betray him." I suppose you mean that you do not want him to feel that you have been two-timing him or untrue to him. Both of you have had problems, but most lovers do.
Please do not get involved with this other guy who is the cousin to your boyfriend. That would be certainly wrong. It seems to me that he is pushing hard on you and you have been coming attached to him. It is time for you run him. Please do not take him and introduce him to your parents and relatives. They would think that you have gone crazy. Do not cheapen yourself.
Pastor
'Bun fi bun'
Dear Pastor,
. I have a boyfriend and he is keeping another girl with me. What am I going to do? I saw another guy and he told me that he loves me. I asked him if he has a girlfriend and he said no, but he has a baby mother.
The two of us went out one night, and while we were standing I saw his baby mother. She came where we were and asked him how is it that he said that he and I are not intimate friends. He said he told her a lie. I went down to his house and the girl came there for money. He didn't answer her. He got up to throw a bottle of water on her and she ran. I love him very much. He is the only man for me. I do not want to give him up. Please tell me what to do.
K. St. Thomas
Dear K.,
I am going to tell you something. You are not a good girl. You are not behaving as an intelligent person. Here you are complaining about your boyfriend keeping another woman with you, but in the same breath you are telling me that you are also involved with another man. What you fail to see is that you are no better in your behaviour. Both of you are giving each other "bun".
You are behaving as a fool. This man told his baby mother that he and you are not intimate friends and when she confronted him about it in your presence, he said he was lying to her. Don't you see that he is not a man to be trusted? If she had not seen both of you together, he would continue to tell her that both of you are not intimate friends. You shouldn't rejoice over the fact that he attempted to throw water on her when she came to the house for child support. He is not a good man. Good men support their children. They do not abuse the mothers of their children. One of these days he may do more than throw water on you. You are behaving as a careless good-for-nothing girl.
Pastor
Drunken master
Dear Pastor,
I am living in the United States of America and I am having a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who is living in Jamaica. We have been going together for four years. He moved to Jamaica after one year, but not by choice. Recently he confessed to me that he cheated on me and got a girl pregnant. When he told me that my heart fell in my stomach. I cried for a week and didn't eat.
He said he was drunk and he did not know her. He said it was a mistake and he would not do it again. However, this is the second time he has done it. The first time it happened we were friends for four months. At that time he said he was also drunk and the girl was his ex-girlfriend. She lost the baby.
I love this man with all my heart and soul and I know he loves me too. I forgave him the first time, but I do not know if I should forgive him the second time. I told his aunt what happened and she said that after he told me he cried and he didn't want to talk to anybody. She said I should forgive him because the girl does not mean anything to him. She said he loves me and talks about me. Whenever I think about it, it hurts. I do not know what to do.
J.A.,
Atlanta, U.S.A.
Dear J.A.,
This is a decision you would have to make on your own. If you think you can trust this man who gets drunk, but in his drunkenness can convince a woman to have sex with him, it is up to you. He is a careless man. He knows very well what he was doing. But it is not for me to tell you that you should or should not continue the relationship. However, don't be surprised if in a few months from now he gets drunk again and impregnate another woman.
Pastor
Matey tired of being beating stick
Dear Pastor,
I am writing because I respect your opinion and straight forward advice. I am 20 years old and I got involved with a man who has his girlfriend. They have five children together. I am involved with him for the past four years and we have one child together. He is not living with her although she was before me. Sometimes I feel as I am not in this world.
He does not want me to talk to any other man. Sometimes I feel like I would get involved with another man, but I cannot because he beats me. He told me several times that he loves me. When he works he gives me what he can afford. I really love him, but I can't take it any longer. I am asking you please to pray for me and give me your fatherly advice.
C., St. Thomas
Dear C.,
You put yourself into this big problem. You knew that this man has five children with this woman. And yet you were careless with yourself and allowed him to get you pregnant. It is time for you to break up this relationship. I know that you are afraid of him because he beats you. You should report him to the police whenever he does that. He should be arrested. He is taking advantage of you. You say you love him, but you are tired of this life.
You may have to move away from the district and start life at another place. You are young, so you can do it if you have the will to do so. You made a big mistake by getting involved with this man. Let him support his child. You should seek a job. You are not living far from Kingston. If your mother or one of your relatives would keep the child, you should try to get a job in Kingston. Don't rely on this man to support you.
Pastor
