Dear Pastor,
I have a problem that I would like you to help me solve. In 1983 I met a young woman. At that time she was 20 and I was 33 years old. We became friendly and shortly after we started living together. During the same year she went abroad but a few months later she returned and told me that I got her pregnant. She went away again after four months and when I saw her she was not pregnant at all. I asked her what happened to the pregnancy and she said she lost it in a car accident.
One day she asked me if I would take her back and after thinking about it, I decided that I would do so. So we started living together again. In 1987 she became pregnant and she gave birth to twins in 1988. Things were going very well for a time, but then she started moving with a man. I did not say anything at first but I observed that their friendship was growing closer and whenever they saw me they would hide. That made me very suspicious. I told her I did not want her to continue the friendship with that man and she said they were only social friends.
One day in 1997 I left for work but there was no work so I returned home. I saw them in my backyard talking again. I told her if I saw them together again I was going to put her out. I went to work another time and the same thing happened. I came home and saw her with him, dressed only in her slip and brassiere. I wanted to put her out but because of the children I gave her another chance. After that I did not see them together again.
The relationship between us improved, so I decided to marry her. I bought her an engagement ring, but I observed that she was not wearing it. When I asked her about it, she said I was taking too long to get married. I told her as soon as I have the money we would get married.
Last year when the telephone bill arrived both of us were looking at it. I saw some cellular numbers and I asked her about one of them and she said that it was her girlfriend's number. I called the number and a man answered. Another time I saw another number and I called it and again a man answered. I kept telling her to tell me the truth and finally she confessed that she met a man where she works and he gives her a $150 regularly to buy lunch and he wants to develop an intimate relationship with her. But she told him that she does not want him to break up the relationship between the both of us.
She calls this man five to six times daily. Sometimes both of us are in bed and she gets up and call him. And she wants me to believe that nothing is going on between them. I asked her why is it that she has to call this man so often and nothing is between them. She said this man is a thief and his co-workers beat him for stealing something from another worker and the company dismissed him. I do not know if I am stupid or jealous. So please give me your fatherly advice.
Distraught, St. Andrew
Dear Distraught,
You believe that you have good reasons for not trusting this woman. If the things you have said are true, one cannot consider her to be honest and trustworthy. And in my opinion you may be heading for trouble if you were to marry her.
Perhaps you are jealous, but she has given you reason to be suspicious of her behaviour. I doubt very much that this woman loves you. Remember I am only commenting on the things you have written. It does appear that she is not happy having you only in her life. Yes, you have children with her. See to it that you support these children, but I wouldn't encourage you to marry her.
Pastor
'She is a real fool'
Dear Pastor,
This is my second letter to you. I am writing about one of my daughters. She is a real fool. She was friendly with a man from Trelawny and she left that man and is now having a relationship with his nephew. She puts herself out of the way to support that man and although she is not working at present, he wants her to help him build a house.
Please ask your prayer group to pray that she leaves this man because he cannot help her. She is a chain smoker. As her mother I have to help her. She is 31 years old. She is not right in her head.
R.H., Kingston
Dear R.H.,
I hope you are not accusing your daughter of something you are not sure about. Why would she become intimate with the nephew of her former lover? I think you are trying to say that your daughter is loose. You describe her of not being "right in her head". It seems so for true if she is really having an affair with the man's nephew.
Seriously though, she needs some help. However, if you constantly curse her, she is not going to talk to you about her problems. How can this man depend on her for money? Where would she get it from? And how could he be building a house and he is not employed? How would he buy material and pay for labour? You are concerned about your daughter, but perhaps she does not see that she has a problem. We will pray for her, but that is the only thing we can do.
Pastor
Is it OK to swallow his sperms?
Dear Pastor,
I have read where you have helped many people. I therefore know that you will answer my questions honestly.
I am a young woman, not bad looking and I have been a good girl. I became sexually active since the start of this year. Unfortunately, I found myself having sex with three different men. Recently I was told that changing sex partners will result in me having womb cancer. I haven't had a pap smear done. Should I do one now? Although I am sexually active, the men have always used condoms. My aunt in whom I confide told me I should always keep some with me.
My big fear is the other night, I was making love with one of these guys and we performed oral sex on each other. That was the first time I was doing that. The problem is that he discharged in my mouth and I don't know how dangerous that is. I asked someone and she said I could contract a disease. I did not swallow his semen. Am I o.k? I want to hear it from you.
I don't want to get pregnant because I am sending my brother to school. He respects me and I don't want to let him down. I am willing to take advice and correction. Therefore, I eagerly await your fatherly advice.
M., Kingston
Dear M.,
You should go and do a pap smear. Any woman who is sexually active should. You ought not to listen to the advice of everybody. In fact, you ought not to tell everybody, not even your dearest friend, matters that are very private. You will never know when they will repeat what you have said, and then everybody will look at you as someone who does not have good morals. So be careful what you say.
You are doing a bad thing by moving from man to man. You have started out badly. I have purposely not mentioned your age because I do not want anybody to identify you. I believe that you are a fine young lady, but you are naive and you are making some mistakes. You should not have three intimate boyfriends. If you continue that way it would not be long before they start beating you up, and accusing you of cheating.
Medical practitioners have said that when women become sexually active at a tender age they may develop cancer of the cervix. I don't believe that you should worry about that. Nevertheless, it is very unwise to have multiple sex partners, and anyone who would engage in oral sex should bear in mind that not all men or women are clean and free from venereal disease. You have said that your sex partners have used condoms, but the man who ejaculated in your mouth did not have on a condom. Therefore, it you are unsure about him, you should have a blood test. Why not discuss this matter with your doctor?
Pastor
