Dear Pastor,
I am having a serious problem with my boyfriend. We started to deal when we were attending school. He comes from a very respectable family, but I am from a poor family. When I was a child I did not have much, but I was happy.
My mother left my brother and me with our father and went to America. She wasn't legal so she didn't come back until we were big people. And she got involved with another man and he got her pregnant. She didn't tell my father anything, and when he heard he said he will never trust another woman.
My father grew me up very strict. He didn't allow me to talk to guys. He used to always warn me about boys.
My boyfriend wanted to take me out on my 16th birthday, but I was too afraid of my father. My birthday was on a Sunday and my father used to always go out every Sunday evening.
When it was getting dark, my boyfriend came into our yard and waited for me in the outdoor toilet. I went in there to meet him and he had sex with me for the first time.
After a while my father started to allow me to go out and my boyfriend started to visit me. He got me pregnant. His parents don't like me. He told me that he didn't care what they wanted to say. He supported his child and me. He got me pregnant again. Then everything started to change. He stopped visiting me often, and whenever he came, he was in a hurry to leave.
His father bought him a car and people told me that he always has a half Chinese girl in the car. When I asked him about her, he said she is his wife. He said his parents will never accept me.
I don't know what to do. I never cheated on him, and he knows that I love him world without end. This Chinese girl took him away from me.
Please tell me what to do.
Y, St. Andrew`
Dear Y.,
I am sorry to hear that your children's father has gotten involved with another woman and has declared that she is his wife. I am afraid there is nothing you can do about it. I can only hope that he will support his children.
You feel hurt, and you are putting the blame on the Chinese girl, but perhaps she does not have anything to do with the breaking up of the both of you. So many young women believe that having children will cause the men to stay with them, but that is not true at all.
Dear lady, try and get yourself a job as soon as you are able. And try to be a good mother. Encourage the children's father to take them out and keep them sometimes.
Pastor
Boyfriend did hurtful thing
Dear Pastor,
I am from St. Catherine. I am a 26-year-old female. I had an experience I cannot believe happened to me.
My boyfriend has done me something that I did not know would happen. He sent a letter to my girlfriend telling her how much he loves her and want to be with her.
She showed me the letter and I read it and it was heart-rending. He keeps calling her on the telephone and telling her he wants her.
The problem is he tells her not to tell me or show me the letter. I cannot say anything to him because I want to keep the promise I made to my girlfriend. I just cannot take another day of this. It is killing me.
Both of us are playing a game with him. I am behaving as if I do not know what he is trying to do. I told my girlfriend to go along with whatever he wants and if she is interested in him, I would not have a problem with that.
She just has to be honest with me and if she wants to be with him, she can have him. I am willing to let go. I love him very much, but whenever the time comes I will say enough is enough. I know what I am going to do.
Please keep up the good work.
T., St. Catherine.
Dear T,
I suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about his behaviour. You should let him know that you aware of what he is doing.
If you are not prepared to do that, you should end the relationship immediately. He is a silly fellow.
How could he believe that your friend would not tell you that he is showing interest in her? It is because she is a good friend why she did that. You would be better off doing without this man.
You have declared that you will take action at the appropriate time. You are an intelligent lady. Pastor
Lied about her virginity
Dear Pastor,
I am 18 years old, very talented and intelligent but I am having a problem. I was a virgin until five months ago. My boyfriend forced me to have sex with him and we broke up about a week after.
I am talking to another guy who seems to be very nice, but I lied to him. He wanted to have sex with me, but I told him that I am a virgin, so he eased off. The problem is I am not a virgin.
He said some day he will prove it. What does he mean by that? Does he mean that when we have sex he will know whether or not I am a virgin? One of my friends told me that my womb would close up. When will that happen? Please explain as soon as possible.
P.D, St. Andrew
Dear P.D,
You have already lost your virginity. You do not need to worry about doing a repair job. You don't have to tell everybody that you are not a virgin, and this guy has just become friendly with you is already asking you to have sex with him. You do not even know him well. You did not have to answer this question. You did not have to lie either. You were not under any obligation to answer him.
Back to this whole matter of virginity. You need to read some more. Your friend is talking foolishness. You are naive. If you are still attending school, talk to your guidance counsellor, the school nurse or go to the book store and buy books that would help you to understand your body etc. Don't allow anybody to force you into having sex. What happened cannot be undone.
I don't think I should say anymore on this matter.Pastor
He does not trust her
Dear Pastor,
I am in my 20s and in love with a man who is in his 30s. He has five children with two different mothers. We have been friends for eight months. When we first met he treated me well, but after a while he started to listen to news from people. They told him that I am keeping other men with him.
Every night he used to come to visit me, now he is only coming once or twice per week. He used to take me out, but he does not do that anymore. He stopped giving me money and I feel hurt about it. He said that the love he has for me is gone because I am keeping men with him. This man does not trust me.
Please pray for me and give me your fatherly advice.
D. St. Andrew.
Dear D,
This one does not look good. It is like beating a dead horse. Do not worry to hang on. He told you that the love he has for you is gone.
He came into your life and used you and he is quite prepared to dump you, so to speak. Let him go. He does not take you anywhere and you are not getting anything out of this relationship. You are only wasting your time hanging on.
Pastor
