Dear counsellor:I am 19 years old and currently attending a university in New York City. I have been dating my current girlfriend for almost a year and a half. I really and truly care about her, and would love to spend the rest of my life with her.
My problem is that she is really more experienced than I am sexually. I cannot help thinking that she does not enjoy sex the way a woman is supposed to. When we first started she was a very sexual person, now I pretty much have to beg her just to have sex with me.
We are both Jamaicans, and I know she is accustomed to guys with large penises. Unfortunately I am not of the blessed ones. My penis barely reaches six inches.
We often talk about her ex-boyfriend. Whenever we do, her face lights up. I guess my question is, should I stay with her and be miserable trying to please her, or find someone with a little bit less experience?
Jamaican in NY
Dear Jamaican in NY:
Firstly, let me congratulate your achievements so far -- a 19-year-old male in university, focusing on a career, is reason in my book to send praises and to "big you up".
In respect to your concern, there is more to a relationship than sex. If one fails to explore these other elements, the relationship is bound to suffer. My first question is: Are you in love with each other? If the answer is yes, then there has to be a level of honesty in the relationship in order for the love to blossom.
Since you believe that your girlfriend is trying to shield you from hurt, you need to be open with her about how much this is bothering you, and the fact that it is affecting how you relate to her.
Explore other means of getting her to be honest with you. Consider writing her a letter and ask her to respond in the same manner and to be honest with you.
Please write to counsellor with your
questions at:
Dear Counsellor
C/o the Gleaner Company,
7 North Street,
Kingston.
You can also fax me Rev. Hyatt at 977-2216, please put the letter to my attention, or e-mail me at dear counsellor@netscape.net
