ME dear mam, me have a lilly point fe put to yu an me want yu tell me if me wrang. Yu eva buck up pon some breed a smady weh always want everyting fe free? Yu fe wuk out yu soul case fe dem, an all dem do is grin dem teet an tell yu tenk yu. An den expect yu fe grin back fe yu fawty two an seh "yawr welcome"? Well a de year two towzin an one dis. Suh if any a dem crass yu path wid dem oily mout, tell dem seh don't move. Stay same place. Yu soon come back. Yu get mi? Houtta horder.
Missis ma, me nuh know if a hear some foreign people hear seh me a Gladys Knight an de Pips, why dem decide fe tek set pon me fe do all kine a sinting fe dem.
An when me siddung oneside a peep through me yeye kanah a watch fe di smady weh a go run come now wid a envelope fe push inna me han, a dem dat. Wid dem two hempty han a lick up togedda like pot an pot cover.
"Let's gi har a big round of applause!"
Suh me a wah den? Mrs. Button? A mi an Ali did huppen dance floor?
Well my dear lady, me siddung a foreign de other day an seh no more a it. Cause de one dem weh always want everyting fe nutten always hab everything. But nutten fe gi weh.
Like when me was a lilly pickney, dis ooman did live inna de yard an always a barrah smady biggest Dutchie fe mek pudden. Till, she claims seh when she g'a market, she a go buy da size pot deh fe harself. But guess weh she do now? After me madda len har de Dutchie an she bake, a she dat. Sen it back shine an empty. Wid har mout full a gad bless. An not even a crumbs a de said pudden fe save me life. But yet still, a me did trot wid de Dutchie to an fro like me a athlete.
Well, she gwone an gwone till one day when me madda neva deh home. She shoob har long mout through de windah an ask me fe bring de Dutchie come len har. Well, a deh suh me decide fe tek up big ooman pon me head an tell har seh de Dutchie inna fridge wid meat. Suh she cyann get it.
Well missis ma, after me well fegat bout everything an feel sweet seh me soak har. Lo an behold as me madda step through de gate wid de two bag inna har han. A de ooman dat. "Den Celes, a weh yu cook suh das all tiddeh Satideh yu still hab meat lef ova inna Dutchie?"
Well, me neva hear nutten more till me madda gi out: "Weh she deh? What a little liad! Jennifer! Tek a step ya an walk wid da black belt when y'a come! Cause me woulda like fe know if a really people pudden y'a carry feelings fa!"
Suh missis, me know dem type. Cause a de said type a smady das cause me fe get a murderation dat evening. All because me choose fe defen meself.
Well my dear lady, me dis tell some foreign people de other day, plain an straight, seh me woulda really like fe help dem out, but one han wash de adda. An between me, yu an de door post, it nuh spell sense none a dem come talk bout Gad wi bless me. Me know dat aready.
Das why me teach Sunday School an go visit de sick an shut een. Suh when dem a go quote Massa Gad, dem fe memba seh a nuh dem alone can read de said Bible weh seh, "Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you."
Suh, fe cut a long story shawt, me hab one answer fe dem deh kine a people. An de answer is dis. "Me Dutchie scour an tun dung. But if yu willing fe drap something inna it, den me an yu can talk."
Tek care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is a communications professor and a talk show host in the University of North Carolina system.
