Dear Pastor,
I am a Christian and I am in love with a Christian brother. He is not a member of the church I attend. My mother found out that we are having a relationship and she is upset. She said that he is not working and he cannot support my children and me. I told him what my mother said and he told me that I should give him time and he will get a job. He said he will marry me.
I am having another problem. There is a man who works with my father. We are good friends. I was telling him about this guy and he became very upset. When I asked him why he was upset, he said for a long time he has been in love with me, but did not know how to say it because he didn't want me to turn him down. But now that I mentioned this Christian guy he can't hold it in any longer.
I don't know if I am mixing up lust with love, but I think I love both of them. Every time I am praying I ask God to help the Christian young man to get a job so that we can get married. And every morning I listen to hear when the young man who is working with my father comes to work. What is happening now is that we are even kissing and caressing each other. But I don't allow him to go any further. And whenever we do that I wonder if I am being unfaithful to the Christian guy.
The guy who is working with my father is very kind. He gives me anything I ask him for and he loves my children. The Christian guy loves them too. I love the Christian guy more than the one who is working with my father, but I hate to hurt the guy who works with my father.
I am also older than these two men. I am depending on you to help me make the right decision. Please pray for us. Pray that the guy who is not a Christian will see Christ.
T., St. Catherine
Dear T.,
Be careful, this fellow who is working with your father may get you into trouble. You are kissing and caressing him and one of these days it may go further and you may end up in bed with him. And he may get you pregnant.
You are the mother of two children and the Christian young man is willing to marry you and be a father to your children. You say you love him more than the man who is working with your father. If that is so, continue to pray that God will provide a job for him, and regardless what anybody says, marry him.
Don't be fooled by the guy who is an employee of your father. He is anxious to get under your skirt. He is not interested in seeking Christ. If you play around with this guy and continue to take his money, you may find that he may begin to make some demands of you. Don't be silly. End the relationship with him now if you are serious about the Christian guy.
Pastor
'A dangerous game' Pastor
Dear Pastor,
I am a regular reader of your column. Although I am young I am educated and I have achieved quite a lot. Some years ago I met a man and we became lovers. We were having a wonderful relationship until I was told that he was planning to leave the country. When I asked him whether he was leaving the country he said no. It was not convenient for us to talk at that time.
Months passed and I did not see him. Then one day I saw one of his friends and he told me that my boyfriend had left Jamaica. Later on I received a call from him saying that he missed me very much.
I met another man and we became intimate friends. He paid for me to go to school. Then all of a sudden my boyfriend returned to Jamaica and he told me all sorts of lies. I slept with him and while we were making love he called out the name of a girl. When I asked him who was that girl, he said that she worked for him. He called the name of the same girl another time and at that time he told me a different story about the girl.
He left again for America and told me not to do anything that I would not want him to do. The problem I am having is that the other man is willing to marry me. He said I should make up my mind, otherwise he is going to leave me. I am scared of losing him. But my parents do not like him. They prefer the other guy who is in America. They say the one who lives in Jamaica is too ugly.
Initials and Parish Withheld
Dear ..,
You are playing a dangerous game. You should stick with the man you love. You are eating out the man your parents call ugly and sleeping with him while the other fellow is in America. However, when the handsome man is in Jamaica, you desert the fellow who has been very kind to you. You have to make up your mind, otherwise one of these guys may get into trouble over you. Which one will it be?
You say you do not want to lose the man your parents call ugly. If that is so, tell your parents that you are prepared to marry this man. Then write the handsome man and tell him of your decision.
Pastor
Wants to divorce husband...but needs to find him first
Dear Pastor,
Since 1990, my husband went to the United Kingdom to live, and I have not heard from him since. I don't know anything about him since that time. I work very hard to help myself.
Unfortunately, I am unable to retain the services of a private lawyer. Lawyers are charging so much money and the people at the Legal Aid Clinic say that they cannot do anything for me because I do not have my husband's address. I feel trapped with this man. I need help. If my husband would divorce me and send the papers to me, I would be thankful to him.
If anyone who knows him reads this letter, or if anyone sees him they should get in touch with you. I am begging him to divorce me. I cannot live like this anymore. Both of us used to reside in May Pen. His name is Curtis Hayden. He is also known as Jango.
C.H., St. Andrew
Dear C.H.,
I do not know why your husband deserted you. If he does not want you anymore, he should at least let you know. You are a poor woman, so it would be good if he would stand the cost of the divorce. Whatever he may be doing, or whatever reason he may have for deserting you is not very important right now. What is important is that you be given your freedom.
Let us hope that those who know his whereabouts will contact us. In the meantime, keep trusting in God. I should tell you that you can go to the Supreme Court and ask for the Clerk of the Court and explain your problem. I am sure the Clerk of Court will help you.
Pastor
'Walk away' Pastor
Dear Pastor,
I am having a problem with my girlfriend. We have been lovers for the past five months. When we became friends she told me that she did not have a boyfriend. But I found out that she has another man. I was very upset about it.
I talked to her about it and she told me that I could not think I was the only man in her life.
I wrote her a letter asking her if she believes our relationship can work. She said it is no big thing. I should take it slowly. I want to know if you believe that I should continue with this girl or call it a day.
R.C., Kingston
Dear R.C.,
The moment this girl told you that you shouldn't expect her to have one man in her life, you should have walked away from her. She is not a good girl and she would never make a good wife.
Common sense should tell you that this woman will give you "bun" every day.
Pastor
