Dear Pastor,
I am in my early 20s. I am married and I am also a Christian. I am the youngest of many children. My father died many years ago. My mother tried very hard with us. Thank God for her.
One of my sisters who is in her late 30s has AIDS and there is nothing I can do for her. I love her very much. At times I cannot even help myself. She has children but she is not a Christian. I don't know what to say to her because she did not want me to know that she has AIDS.
Please tell me what to do.
Initials Withheld, Clarendon
Dear ...,
Although your sister did not want you to know about her condition, you can help her by encouraging her and assuring her of your love for her. She is your sister, so visit her and talk to her about the problem. Let her know that you are concerned about her and although you are not in a position to assist her financially, she can rely on you to give her moral support. You can share whatever you have with her.
Perhaps you should encourage your other sisters and brothers to invite her children to stay with different members of the family on weekends. That will give her time to rest and it would show your sister that her siblings care about her. Your brothers and sisters could contribute to a little fund to help her buy her medication, and they should visit her as often as possible. No one should scorn her or give her the impression that she has been careless and that is why she is suffering.
You should also encourage her to turn to Christ. But she should not be pressured to go to church. It would be a wonderful thing if she would allow your pastor or the women of your church to visit her and have Bible Study with her.
Thanks for writing. Do let me know how she is coping.
Pastor
Problem with big breasts
Dear Pastor,
When I was 13 years old I observed that my breasts were getting larger than normal. I didn't play with my breasts, so I started to wonder what was wrong. I was worried but because I was a poor girl I didn't say anything to anyone.
When I became 16 years old they became larger. Now I am in my early 20s and they cannot hold into a size 42 brassiere. I still don't have the money to go to a doctor, so I would want to find out what is wrong.
When I was sexually active I used to be ashamed of my breasts but I didn't say anything to my boyfriend. I have never been pregnant. I am now a Christian and I told my boyfriend that I am going to get baptized and he agreed. But after he got upset about the idea. So now we are not having a relationship.
I have found myself thinking about him a lot instead of reading my Bible at nights before going to bed. He does not want to go to church and get baptized. I have to pray and fast about my problems. Please pray that I would stop thinking about him.
A. St. Andrew
Dear A.,
I am surprised that you have not yet gone to the doctor. I am sure that you could have saved a little money every week when you were working. You had a boyfriend. He could have given you the money to go to a doctor for a check up. Nevertheless it is not too late for you to do so.
May I suggest that you put an advertisement in the newspaper offering yourself to do days work. I hope that you are not too proud to do that type of work to earn some money. Lots of people are still looking for honest women to do days work. Put away some of the money you earn and go to the doctor. I am glad that you have decided to serve the Lord.
You miss your boyfriend. That is understandable.
Pastor
Confused about two relationships
Dear Pastor,
I am 21 years old and I am having a very serious problem. I am confused about this situation. From I was 16 years old I got involved with a man. We started living together two years ago. I love him very much, but he has a terrible attitude. He hurts me all the time, not physically, but emotionally. Whenever we argue, he tells me about my past life. So now we are drifting apart.
I got a job last year and at my work place I met another guy. This guy is very intelligent. He is a very nice person and he respects me. Whenever my boyfriend and I have a fuss, I can always discuss the matter with him and reach out to him. He comforts me in more ways than one. I can always tell him anything without feeling embarrassed.
Now I am falling in love with him. I told him how I feel and he said that the is feeling the same way too. Because he comforts me we got involved and started kissing. We did not go further because I am afraid my boyfriend would find out and I don't want him to know about the guy and me.
This guy has left for the United States for the past two months, but I cannot get over the feelings I have for him. He called me once since he left. I miss him deep within my bones. My heart aches for him and I need him now more than ever. He gave me photographs of himself and I carry them wherever I go. Whenever I think of him, I get this butterfly feeling in my tummy and I feel it is love.
I am very confused on this matter. I can't deal with the situation. I need your fatherly advice.
Confused, Manchester
Dear Confused,
You should not stay in your boyfriend's house and become intimately involved with another man. That is wrong. If you love your boyfriend and both of you are having problems, you should seek professional help. And if you feel the problems can't be resolved, you should separate in peace. Your boyfriend and you have been intimate from you were 16 years old. That should mean something to you. He is wrong to abuse you, but that does not give you the right to go out and get involved with another man.
Now I am not saying that it is not possible for people to grow apart from each other. However, it would seem to me that you have been careless. This guy you met at your work place is just waiting on his opportunity to go to bed with you. You do not know much about him. He used to listen to your complaints about your boyfriend. You leaned on his shoulders, so to speak. And it is not unusual for a woman to get involved with a man who listens. But old time people say, 'all that glitters is not gold'.
If you insist that you want to establish a relationship with this guy who is now in America, don't stay in your boyfriend's house and do it.
Pastor
Dreams about former boyfriend
Dear Pastor,
I am 23 years old. I used to have a relationship with a guy at the same time, while I had my right boyfriend. This relationship kept going on for quite a while before my boyfriend found out.
I became pregnant by my boyfriend, but during my pregnancy and even after I had the baby, the guy and I were still good friends. He wanted us to be intimate, but I didn't feel comfortable having a child and going with two different men. So I broke off the relationship for good.
This guy keeps appearing in my dreams. In my dreams I see this guy coming at my house and he has a wedding band and he is asking me to marry him. I am trying to live a happy life, but he keeps coming in my dreams. I have to admit that I still feel something for him. I badly need to know what is happening.
Initials and Parish Withheld by Request
Dear...,
You have not settled this matter in your mind about this guy. I wouldn't even be surprised if you love him more than the man with whom you are living. Perhaps you found him to be a better lover. Perhaps he had asked you to marry him, but your boyfriend has not done that. Could it be that you are only with your boyfriend because he got you pregnant? In your heart you would rather be with the other guy.
I believe that if the truth would be told you would prefer to leave your baby father and run away with this other man. One thing I know for sure is that if you marry your baby father and you know you don't love him, you would never have a happy marriage. At the moment you are only trying to live a happy life, but I don't believe you are happy.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am not here suggesting that you should leave your baby father and go to this man. I am only suggesting that you examine your own heart and see whether or not you are true to yourself. You think much about this fellow and you dream about him. If this thing was happening to you occasionally, you would not be worried about it. But you have good reasons to be worried.
May I suggest that you seek the help of a psychologist if you are convinced in your mind that you are not still in love with this young man. A psychologist should be able to sort out your feelings and arrive at some solution.
Pastor
