Dear Pastor,
I am living with a man for over 25 years. I don't have any children for him, but he took me with five children of my own. One of my children was a policeman and he died at the age of 21. This man is giving me a lot of problems. He has many outside women, in church and out of church. One of his women attacked me and my daughter and brother intervened and the matter ended up in court.
Sometime ago I went abroad to work so that I could help my children. They were young at the time. This man put them out because they refused to sleep with him. Then he got a girl pregnant. She got involved with another man and ended up having eight children for that man.
My mother brought into Jamaica a van and my man took away the van. My mother had to get the police to take the van away from him. The house we are living in belongs to my mother. He added on to the house and furnished it. He started to sleep out with a woman and only came home to bathe and change his clothes.
I became ill and I spent a lot of money on doctors. I can't talk to him. He took a hammer to hit meon my head. Last month I found a letter he wrote to one of his female co-workers. He told her in the letter that her husband died long ago, so both of them could be friends. He told her he loves her very much. I read the letter and put it back. He has a truck and lots of women flock him. When he and the women can't get along, he runs home. I told him that if he is happy with the women he should stay with them.
For two years now he is sleeping in the settee. I refuse to wash his clothes. I am 50 years of age and he is 54. The woman who has a child for him is living close by. A pastor came to talk to him, but he said he does not want to hear from anybody. I grew up in a Catholic church.
I asked God to take away sexual feelings from me. I sleep alone while he sleeps on the settee. I continue to prepare his meals when he comes here, but I just can't take anymore of what he is doing. We pass each other in the house like strangers. I am afraid he may kill me. When I went to court, the judge told me that I am a good woman.
I read my Bible.
Initials and Parish Withheld.
Dear ....,
If this man is such a bad man, why was he allowed to do an addition to your mother's house? Why wasn't he asked to leave many years ago? It would seem to me that you have not told me the whole story. I am not doubting that this man has other women, but it seems to me that you continued to have an intimate relationship with this man for reasons better known to yourself. Was it because you had young children and this man was supporting them? And you, why you didn't break off the relationship?
I wish it were possible to hear from the man. Things definitely went sour between himself and you. I don't know what is the true story about the van your mother bought. It would seem to me that nothing went well with this man and you, and that he had a very poor relationship with your mother.
He made an addition to the house. Have you ever thought of suggesting to him that he should live on the portion that he made and not to molest you on the portion of the house which belongs to your mother? The ideal situation would be for you to pay him for the addition that he made, but I doubt very much that you are in a position to do so.
Although both of you are not sleeping together, I believe that you still love him. You would not be quarrelling and fussing about his many women if you did not love this man. So whether he sleeps on the settee or whether you ask God to take away sexual feelings from you, the truth is, you would love for him to settle down and marry you. - Pastor
I can only hope and pray that God will answer your prayer. I wish you well.Pastor
You are young and will learn from your mistakes Pastor
Dear Pastor,
I am 18 years old and soon I will be 19 years old. I am a christian. I have backslidden a few times, but I am determined to serve God.
While I was in high school I met a guy who was attending the same school. From I saw him the very first time I fell in love with him. I was not a christian at that time. I did not tell him that I was in love with him, but I did everything to get his attention. He did not show any interest in me, so I gave up. I was in grade 10 and he was in grade 11.
When I became a christian all was well until one of his friends told me that he said he wanted to talk to me. I told his friend no way, because he wouldn't be interested in me. I started hiding from him. Then when we started to talk I fell in love with him again. We became intimate friends. I told him many times that I loved him. He graduated before me, but we communicated on the telephone. After a time the communication ceased.
I met another young man and we became friends. He gave me gifts. He visited me at my house, but he always wanted sex. I kept telling him no. I told him I liked him, but I was in love with another fellow. No matter what I said to him, he always wanted sex, so I broke off with him.
One day I heard from my old boyfriend and I invited him to my graduation. At the end of the graduation I told him I wanted to go home with him. He agreed and said he wanted me to meet his parents and other relatives. We decided that because so many people were at his house we shouldn't go there. I didn't tell him what I was thinking.
I told him I was menstruating. We had a little fuss because he said I should go to his house because there I could have a bath and a good breakfast.
When we got to his house we were nervous and for the entire night all we did was to kiss. This was my first experience sleeping with a man. In the morning he cooked me breakfast. We talked a couple of times after that, but when I called again the telephone number was changed.
I did everything to get in touch with him. I fasted and prayed. And one day I was at home and he called me. I could not believe it. He told me he was going to England. I began to cry and begged him to stay. He said he wanted to study. My stepmother told me that I was wasting my time with him. He only asked me for sex twice. I told him I want him to marry me. He said he cannot think about marriage now.
He has never told me that he loves me. Do you think this guy loves me? Do you think I was wrong to sleep with him? I need your advice and prayer. I am not a bad person.`M, St. Catherine.``
Dear M,
I do not believe that you are a bad person, I believe that you are very naive. But as a young person you will learn from the mistakes you make. For example, if you were not seeing your menses, you would have engaged in sexual intercourse that evening after you graduated from high school. Some guys would have had sexual intercourse with you even though you were seeing your menses. So you did not use common sense when you went to sleep with this young man.
You are pursuing this guy. You want to get married right away. He is not interested in that and rightly so. He wants to get an education.
You are allowing your emotions to run away with you. What you should be interested in right now is to go back to school. You too need an education. Without that you are not going to get a good job. This guy may or may not continue the relationship he is having with you. And if he doesn't, do not go to pieces over him.
Try to keep your christian testimony. Satan is busy and you can easily get into trouble if you fail to walk carefully.
Pastor
