Dear Pastor,
I am a 16-year-old girl with a big problem. I have a boyfriend who is also 16. Both of us are in high school and in the same class. We have been friends for a long time now. From the time I saw him I fell in love with him, but I didn't tell him. One day he came to me and said, "I know you love me and I feel the same way about you too." I was so glad to hear that from him. Right there we let out our feelings for each other. We became lovers.
One day he came to me and told me that he wanted to do something with me. He wanted to have sex with me, so I asked him what he would do if I said no. He told me that big things would happen. I asked him what big things would happen. Then I said, what if I said yes. He said we would be friends forever.
At school the students are calling me Mrs. -- and he is not saying a word to them about it. He stares at me in class, but he is also having a relationship with one of my girlfriends. He tells her things about me and she tells me. But he does not want her to tell me. Because of the way he is behaving I am now talking to a 20-year-old man who loves me, but I still have feelings for my boyfriend who is in my class. And I also love my new boyfriend.
K.S., Kingston
Dear K.S.,
If you are only 16 and you are running so hot, what is going to happen to you when you get older? The guy who is in your class at school is very hot too. He wants you and he wants your friend. You are probably trying to keep up with him, so you have gotten involved with a 20-year-old man. You are heading for trouble.
It seems to me that you are not too interested in your studies. You are more interested in men. I don't want you to feel that I am saying that a girl should not have boyfriends. What I am trying to say is that a 16-year-old girl should not be going steady right now and you are going steady. It is healthy for a girl to have social boyfriends, but right now you have become intimate with these guys. So I repeat, you may get yourself into trouble. Some of these guys are only interested in sex and many of them would not use condoms.
Please think carefully what you are doing. Don't take money from the guys because if you do, they are going to demand sex from you. Walk carefully. Concentrate on your lessons. Take time and grow up.
Pastor
I don't know what real love is
Dear Pastor,
I am 20 years old and living with my grand-aunt. I have four children for four different men. It seems to me that I can't keep any man for long. All they want is sex and more sex. I don't know what to do to send my children to school. All different things come to my mind to do. I get upset with the children.
I don't know what real love is. I don't know the love of a father or mother. Please help me.
I.R., St. Catherine
Dear I.R.,
You seem to have financial problems. Perhaps that is why you have ended up with four children. I don't believe it is because you are bad. I believe that you got involved with men because they promised to help you financially and each one came and you were careless and he got you pregnant and he moved on. You were always hoping that the other man would treat you differently. You really did not plan to have four children for four different men, but you trusted the men. And they failed you.
The children are here. You are having a tough time with them. You are frustrated and sometimes you take out your frustrations on them. I understand what you are going through. I am wondering whether you have had the courage to put them before the court for maintenance. If you have not done that you should.
I am also wondering whether you are still being careless when it comes to sex. You are 29 years old and you have four children. If you are having sex, are you protecting yourself from pregnancy?
I don't want you to blame your past. You seem to be saying that your parents did not show you love, but you can't live in the past. You will have to move forward. You need a job more than you need a man. You have been burned so many times by men, so a job is what you need to earn money and take care of your children and yourself.
My prayer is that someone who reads your letter may offer you a job. You have my prayers.
Pastor
Waiting in vain?
Dear Pastor,
I was a member of a church but I backslid. My aim and desire is to get back in church and to live a life that is pleasing to God. I love God and I love doing His work.
I have two children by a young man. That happened after I came out of church. The man is married but his wife is living in the United States of America. He is planning to divorce her and she also wants them to get a divorce. If that happens, we will get married so that I can live a Christian life.
Because of the way this man behaves, sometimes I feel that I should come out of the relationship. But I have to think about the children. It would be difficult for the children and me, so I leave him in God's hand. I know God is able to do all things.
When I used to attend church I wrote some songs and I would love to sing them. I continue to have a feeling deep inside me that God gave me the gift of singing. I allowed Satan to intervene in my life and rob me of my salvation, but I know God has given me another chance. Once a person acknowledges his or her sins and calls upon the Lord, he is forgiven. God puts His loving arms around him or her and welcomes him or her back into the fold.
I would love for you to recommend me to someone who is involved in music. That person should be loving, caring and understanding. I am a little shy, but God is able to help me.
Please pray for my family. I read my Bible and I still attend church with the children. I want to do more for God.
C.C., Manchester
Dear C.C.,
I wonder how long this man has been telling you that he is planning to divorce his wife. I wonder what is keeping him from doing so. You know the man, but if you don't push him a little, he may never do it for many years to come. And you would be just hoping that it would happen. You know the desire you have in your heart to serve God. Therefore, you shouldn't just sit and hope that the man would go to a lawyer and start working on divorce proceedings.
I suppose what you want is to have your songs recorded. Perhaps you feel that you can make some money through your songs. I don't want to discourage you. I have asked a gentleman who is in charge of a singing group whether he would be interested in talking to you. I will send you his name and address. When you receive my letter, write him and explain to him exactly what you would like to do.
Pastor.
You are playing with your life
Dear Pastor,
I met a man in May 1999 and we became lovers. He told me that he has a child with a woman but they are not living together anymore. He came to live with me in my mother's house, but my mother never liked him, so we moved out and went to live on our own.
He treated me well until his baby mother took him to court for maintenance. He spent 12 days in prison. A week before he went to prison we had an argument during the day and it continued until into the night. He pulled a knife out of his pocket to stab me while I had the baby in my arms. He also squeezed the baby badly.
He moved out and now he is begging me to come back to him. It is not the first time that he attacked me. I want you to tell me what to do. Should I go back to him or should I move on with my life? He also said that if he cannot have me no man will have me. We have an eight-month-old child. I am 20 years old and my baby father is 29.
H., St. Thomas
Dear H.,
Your mother had good reasons for not liking this young man. He is cruel, aggressive and arrogant. He cannot be trusted and you would be a fool to go back to him. You are playing with your life. He should support his child, but you should never again become intimate with him.
Pastor
