Tony HendriksIF YOU keep lighting matches in a gas station you're going to end up toasting your buns. The world can see it, but George W. Bush can't. America is going to get burned in the end because Bush won't sign the Kyoto Treaty on Global Warming, yet his country pollutes the world more than any other. America is the greatest producer of crap, they chat more rubbish than anyone else and have been infecting the world for centuries with everything from their culture (if you can call it that), to their food (if you can call it that), thru their spelling to sending the most non-aesthetic people the world has ever seen across the globe wearing Bermuda shorts, shouting "Ying-yang-ying-yang! Buy it or bomb it"!
They should sign a treaty called Global Warning, to let the rest of the world know: "The Yanks are coming", so we can lock up our sensibilities, take their money and have a damn good laugh at their expense. Actually, we do that already.
In fairness, America might be the biggest contamination culprit but they aren't the only ones. Russia ended life on MIR by dumping the space station into the Pacific. Imagine being a whale, happily swimming along with your school, doing a geography lesson at the time, teacher spouting.
TEACHER: Over there children, where the bottom of the ocean dips, then starts to rise, what do we call that?
WHALE: Is it the small of the ocean miss?
TEACHER: What?
WHALE: Well Miss, if the bit just above your bottom is the small of your back that must be the small of the ocean.
TEACHER: Very good, Killer, but no. Sperm, do you know? How about you, Blue? All right, I will tell you, that gradual slope is the foot of Fiji.
All of a sudden SPLADOOSH! a colossal bit of metal splashes down SPLADOOSH! then more, and not just any bits of metal SPLADOOSH! half a dozen, enormous, white hot, pieces of twisted SPLADOOSH! iron, titanium and steel, the size of houses SPLADOOSH! that immediately on contact with the ocean make water within a 50-yard radius boil, bubble, steam, snap, crackle SPLADOOSH! and groan as if the devil himself was taking a dip.
Frightened whales probably flew in every direction. Literally! Out of the water like at Sea World. Poor mammals probably thought the sun had landed and I doubt any whales had advanced warning. They probably don't get SEA-NN or the BB-SEA and the Discovery Channel is too full of sex and violence for the young mammals and doesn't carry news anyway.
Up top, we're sitting around scratching our heads wondering why all these giants of the sea are beaching themselves. They probably made foam all the way from Fiji, knocking over sailboats near Australia, leaping over Panama like Free Willy, just to get away from what they must have thought was the end of the world. If we could understand what they say we'd probably hear them wailing: "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
Talking of whale killers, the Japanese do their fair share of messing up our planet, too. Pokemon pollutes children's minds. What happened to books, games and time spent inventing your own world to play in? It's fallen by the wayside with all the merchandise we buy.
The Japanese are pretty good with litter, they fold paper as an art form, but they must take responsibility for producing the most non-biodegradable car. Not the ones they make today. Those are disposable. Ever seen a Nissan crash? (No, it's not the name of a model!) The wreck looks like origami. No, I am talking about the old Datsun, circa 1973. Made to last for years, indeed it already has. I call it a Christmas Car because you never see one any other time, except at roadblocks where there's nothing better than a heavy metal Datsun. Won't rot, won't move.
The crime about not signing the Kyoto Treaty is America spews out more bad air than anyone else. Sure, they breathe it too, but the rest of us suffer the consequences and that's unfair. Up it goes into the stratosphere, burning the proverbial hole in our ozone layer, then all the countries that cannot afford air conditioning, irrigation or a roof over their heads suffer from drought, flood and famine. They don't stop there. They crash planes into Scottish national parks where it's bad enough having Foot-and-Mouth without watching out for Wing-on-Roof or Plane-in-Head. I hope the US cleans up the mess that comes down!
I always fly Air Jamaica and always will as long as these American flyboys watch more Naked Gun than Top Gun. It's not so bad when they bump into each other, which they do with alarming frequency, but when they chop a Chinese plane out of the sky, it's going too far. Talk about irony, when the plane that hits you is a surveillance plane. Hello? Open your eyes! Survey the scene! But America refuses to look ahead, down or even up! They smashed to smithereens a Japanese marine training vessel with a submarine, another fine mess they gotten into. I bet submarines frighten whales, too.
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com 2001.TonyHendriks.
