Dear Pastor,
I met and fell in love with a girl in 1991. She was a bartender at the time. We were so much in love with each other that everyone who knew us wanted to have the type of relationship we enjoyed together.
She had two miscarriages then both of us decided that she should attend classes in the evenings. After two years she passed seven subjects. She started attending teachers' college in 1995. At that time we had no money, but I had a good job. I supported her through college. Every time I got my pay she got most of it. I used to charter taxis to take things for her at the college.
After she graduated we set plans to get married. Then she said she wanted to do a degree and she started the summer degree programme in 1999. And then she met another man. She said that he dialed the wrong number and got her. She loved his voice and finally they met and from the time they met, she started to visit the area where he lives every two weeks.
She said she had to meet with her study group and to attend seminars. Since she has met this man, we have not stopped having verbal fights.
I lost my job in September of last year, so the big money stopped coming in every two weeks. We have been living together for 10 years. I paid all the bills. Now she wants to give up everything for a man who weights 350 pounds.
Please tell me what to do. Sometimes I feel like killing myself.
P.H., Clarendon
Dear P.H.,
You have done your best for this lady. It is as if she has eaten you out and overturned the empty container. What she has done is hard to endure. Perhaps she feels that you do not fit in her class. She is now educated and you are not. Maybe she feels that you cannot communicate with her friends and that you are embarrassing her.
Some women have supported men through university and after the men graduate, they leave these women for other women who are more educated. And women do the same.
Don't fight to keep this woman. It wouldn't work. Leave her alone. You will never be happy. Part in peace. If you want to give her the furniture, let her have them. Both of you should come together and decide what each of you should take. You would be wasting your time if you were to go for counselling etc. This woman does not want you. And the earlier you get that straight in your mind, the better it would be for your own sanity.
Pastor.
Don't give up
Dear Pastor,
I am a 43-year-old woman and I have been living with a man for 14 years. Whenever we talk about marriage, he says he will do it next year. But next year never comes. Then he left for the United States of America and he told me that when he returns we will get married. It has now been three years that he is away and he has not yet returned. He is not talking about getting married again or coming home.
We have two children together. Whenever the children talk to him, he has nothing to say. I have tried to talk to him and I have also asked somebody to talk to him, but nothing has come out of our conversation. I called his house one night and a woman answered the telephone. I found out that she was his long-time girlfriend from he was living in Jamaica.
I know I am a good woman. I refuse to worry or fret over him. I am praying to God for His help as I try to help myself.
C.S., St. Catherine
Dear C.S.,
It is evident that this man never intended to marry you, and he should have been manly enough to say so. He has tried to make a fool of you, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You made a mistake by staying with him for 14 years. You did so because you believed that he was a man of integrity. You can still lift your head high.
Your children know that you are a good woman and that their father has not been good to you. You have taken a good attitude. When you are praying, pray for him. Wish him well with his woman friend. Pray that she would treat him well.
I am sure you have cried many times about the situation. God has seen these tears and God will not allow you to suffer. Perhaps God has a man for you. You are not an old woman. You are only 43 years old, so don't give up.
Pastor.
Broken hearted 15-year-old
Dear Pastor,
I am writing this letter for your fatherly advice. I am 15 years old and I am in a relationship with a boy. I am living with my mother and younger sister. I met my boyfriend when I was 13 years old. He attends a technical school and I attend a high school. My boyfriend is bright and he helps me with my school work.
The problem is that he is cheating on me. He had sex with a girl that I know. He said it was only sex he wanted from her. One night I saw them together. She was coming from his room. When I asked him about it, he said it was not him, it was his brother and his girlfriend.
I don't know what to do because I heard he is also seeing another girl. He says he loves me. If he loves me, why is he doing that to me? He got away with the girl I saw him with, but he wouldn't get away with any other girl. He doesn't show any respect for me. That is why he can take the girls to the house and have sex with them. People see him.
I am confused. This guy has broken my heart. I want to be out of this relationship, but it is hard because he is the first boy I have ever had sex with, and so far the only one.
Please give me your fatherly advice. And may the blessing of God continue to reign on you.
S.R., St. Andrew
Dear S.R.,
You did not give the age of this young man, but you gave yours. You have not reached the age of consent, but this guy is having sex with you. He can get himself into trouble with the law. You have not said anything about it because you think you are in love with him and he has gotten you to believe that it is okay for both of you to be going to bed.
I am going to suggest that you end this relationship. You cannot deal with the problem. He tells you that he loves you and at the same time he is having sex with other girls. It is time for you to "cool out".
This guy's behaviour is messing up your mind and it is going to affect your school work. You are too young to be having this sort of problem. It is unlikely that he is going to stop playing around with other girls just to please you. He feels he is hot and the girls around him are also hot. And he believes that he has what it takes to cool them. Tell him that you can't deal with his behaviour, so he should leave you alone.
Pastor
Abusive father needs prayer
Dear Pastor,
I am asking you to pray for my stepmother and me. My stepmother lives in England with my father and their children. My father is always beating her. I am very sorry to hear what he is doing to her although I am not living there.
My stepmother is always calling me, but my father does not call me. Whenever I write to him he does not reply. And whenever I ask my stepmother if my father got the letter she says yes but he threw it down. He did not take care of me when I was a child and he does not try to make it up to me now.
I would like to go to England. Sometimes I dream of going on a plane and my stepmother meeting me at the airport. I am 17 years old and sometimes I don't have any money to buy my little things. My mother does not give me any pocket money. I am planning to sit my CXC examinations. Please pray that I will pass all four subjects.
I want to say thanks to you for the good advice you have given to people, especially young people in my age group.
S., St. Catherine
Dear S.,
Thanks for your letter. If your father is constantly abusing your stepmother, she should seek professional help wherever she is living. Why hasn't she called the police? Your father has gotten away with his wickedness because your stepmother has not taken action against him.
Judging from your letter, he has not been a good father. He did not support you as a child and he does not show any concern for you now. You will have to continue to fight life with the help of God.
I pray that you would do well in your examinations. I know you do not have much financial help, but I hope that things would change for you. If anybody is willing to help you, I will let you know.
Pastor.
