DEAR Pastor,
I have been wanting to write to you for a long time, but felt nervous. I really need your help. My life is going in the wrong direction. I am 15 years old and in another two months I will be 16. I am attending a high school in my area. When I was 10 years old my mother went to England. She spent five years there. At that time I was living in a violent community. Illicit sex and drugs were common there.
When I was 13 years old I had sex for the first time. My sexual partner was a 16-year-old boy. When I was 14 years old I had sex with a 21-year-old man. By the time I was 15 years old I had already had sex eight times with three men, all of whom are gunmen. I am still having sex with one of them, and the other guys kept telling me that they want me back. None of these guys know about each other.
I am pregnant, but I am not sure if my present boyfriend is the one who got me pregnant. The worst thing about my situation is that I cannot even talk to my mother because she is illiterate. I had sex on my mother's bed. I did it to spite my mother. She came back from England last year. I feel like an outcast in my family. I give myself to these boys because they make me feel important.
I am in love with my first boyfriend, but I don't want to be with him anymore. I cannot change my feelings. I am attracted to gunmen. I don't know why, but I am. I am not a bad person. I am just a troubled teen in need of some advice.
K., St. Andrew
Dear K.,
I understand what you are saying. You are trying to find love. You want to feel wanted. You believe that your mother ignored you and that she did not care much about you. You feel that if she cared about you, she would not have left you at the age of ten and go to England and spent five years. She may say that she did it to help to support you.
So often I tell parents that money cannot substitute love. Many parents leave their children and go abroad to earn money. They send the money home to support the children, but the children would rather them in the home even if they cannot afford luxury.
You are still crying out for love. You are angry with your mother and whether you realise it or not, you are angry with yourself. You are also angry with other grown-ups. And you are willing to have relationships with gunmen because you know that gunmen live dangerously, and at any time their lives can be snuffed out. If you are one of them, you feel that you may die as a hero. You also believe that having gunmen as your lovers, provide protection and not even your mother could tell you what to do or not to do.
On reflection though, you realise that your life is all mixed up and these men are only using you. Sex will not bring lasting satisfaction or give you the peace you yearn to have. Lasting satisfaction and peace only comes from knowing Christ as Saviour and Lord. Christ can change your life and make you feel wanted.
I would urge you to turn to the Lord Jesus. If you have a Bible read St. John 4. In fact, you would enjoy reading the entire book of the Gospel of John. Pray and ask God to help you change your direction in life. I further suggest that you make an appointment with any minister of the gospel or with a family counsellor for guidance. Go to church and please, I beg you, don't get involved in wrongdoing. Do write to me again.
Concerning your pregnancy, go to the clinic early. You are not sure who got you pregnant. Tell the doctor the truth about that and he would advice you. Even in this matter, keep me informed. May God help you.
Pastor.
Obsessed with a married man
DEAR Pastor,
I cannot help but feel this way about a man I always admire. He is very quiet, decent and upright. He is married to a woman who is very hard working. They lived in the United States of America for many years. The lady does not let him out of her sight. Whenever I see her on her bicycle, I envy her. I don't want her husband, but I would like to keep him with her. She has a lot of children for him, but the children are living abroad.
This lady looks well when she dresses. Once I tried to talk to her husband. I was going to tell him that his wife was going out with another man. He would know it is a lie because they go out together. I know they have money. I often wonder why I can't be as lucky as this woman. Whenever I see her, I hate the place where she puts her feet. I always wonder why she can't go back to the United States of America and leave him.
Whenever I pass their house I see them sitting together like two little children. I really feel in my heart that I have to get this man. I asked my brother to talk to the wife, but he says he will not do my dirty work. He said I should leave the lady alone because he knows her from she was a conductress. And she is too nice for me to mess up her life. He doesn't talk to me again.
One day before his wife dies, I will keep her husband. I will find a way. The man is not my problem. It is his wife. She runs things. Please tell me what to do.
J.S., Portland
Dear J.S.,
The Bible says, "Thou shalt not covet". You are behaving as if you would die if you do not get this man. You should be happy to see two people living together lovingly. You will never break up the relationship this man is having with his wife. You want the man and his money. God will not allow that to happen. He will punish you.
Pastor.
He is a wicked man -- Pastor
DEAR Pastor,
I am a very frustrated person. I am the mother of three children. I was living with their father for over 10 years. Out of the blue he went and got married to another woman while I was still living with him. He didn't say anything to me. What do you think I should do? I didn't find out for a while. He wanted me to leave the house, but I didn't do that. I underwent many embarrassing moments. I feel so ashamed because of what people are saying. I don't know when I will ever get over this.
This man is very wicked. We didn't even have a fight at the time. I washed his clothes, cooked his meals and even slept with him up to the time he got married. I eventually moved out with the children, and he moved in his wife. They attended church in Spanish Town.
Please, I am asking you to pray for me that I may stand strong.
C.B., St. Catherine
Dear C.B.,
One day the law in this country will change and it is going to come upon men as a thief in the night. There are some men who feel that it is no big thing to live with a woman for years, and to treat them like worn out floor mats after they are tired of them. But the day is coming when a woman would be able to claim what is rightfully hers under the law.
I don't know if you made any financial contribution in the purchasing of any property he may own. If you did, you should seek the help of a lawyer. Life is going to be tough with you for a while, but the children will grow up and help you. They know that their father is a wicked man, and that he did not treat you with respect.
How could a man sleep with a woman and then go and get married quietly, and come back to her as if he had not done anything? I hope that he has truly repented. You have my sympathy and prayers.
Pastor
Do you have a problem?
Is something bothering you?
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Dr. Aaron Dumas,
P.O. Box 188,
King Street, Kingston.
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