DEAR PASTOR,
I am an eighteen-year-old Christian and I have a brain full of confusion. I have a shape that God gave me and everyone wants to touch me. I have known this guy from I was about ten years old. When I was twelve, he didn't stop plaguing me to be friendly with him. This went on for five years.
I finally got him to talk to one of my church sisters, but he still wanted to be my boyfriend. We have spent time together. I told him that I didn't want anyone. He asked me if I didn't have any feelings and if I am going to go back to God just as I came. He even tried to rape me, but God saved me that day. Anything I need and ask him for, he gives it to me.
He is a businessman. I told him it wouldn't be fair to my friend if we have sex, but he said nothing is wrong. I cannot avoid him because I have to pass his house to go to mine. He is also teaching me to drive. How can I get him to realise that I only want him as a friend, not a lover?
There is another guy that I have known for two years, and he is always telling me that he sees me as wife material. He has trucks, cars and a big house. One Sunday evening he took my best friend, a church brother and myself to Montego Bay. When we got back the evening the service was over, so he asked me if I wanted to go with him to get something to eat. Trusting him I told him I would go. I am living with my sisters and they trust me, so they allowed me to go.
On our way he stopped at a bar. I told him I was not coming inside, so he bought me a drink. He said he was going to buy fish and bammy. I didn't say anything as I trusted him. When we got to our destination we stayed in the car and we talked. He told me that he loves me and he is going crazy over me. He started to caress me. I took his hands off me and pulled away from him. He tried to kiss me. He came around my side and put back the seat, held down my hands, but I never gave up. He managed to take off my underwear and had oral sex with me. He then stopped because I was screaming.
He went and got the fish and bammy, but I didn't take anything from him. I told him I just wanted to go home. He came back into the car and started again. We fought again. I got tired and he finally forced himself inside of me. I felt like he used a razor and ripped into my flesh -- I was a virgin. I truly believed in marriage before sex. I cried but he didn't stop.
I am worried because my period should have come already. What if it doesn't come? What am I going to tell my pastors, parents, sisters and brother, not to mention my best friend? My brother would take this man's life and it wouldn't be pretty. What if he gave me some kind of disease? He offered me money to go to the doctor, but I didn't take it. I am too scared.
Please give me your fatherly advice and pray for me. I need your prayer.
A. Westmoreland.
DEAR A,
I am sorry that you did not report this man who raped you to the police. I believe you, but some people are not going to believe if you become pregnant. They are going to wonder why you kept so quiet about it, and the rapist is going to say that it was consensual sex. It is just unfortunate that after keeping yourself and serving your God, that this beast raped you.
I have said on numerous occasion that every rape should be reported. I cannot begin to express how your letter has made me sad. Your folks trusted you, and you thought he was a gentleman, so you went out with him. Please go to the doctor as soon as possible.
You have to be very careful. You have been taking money from a businessman. You know how he feels about you. You said he even attempted to rape you once. You shouldn't allow him to teach you to drive because he may have ulterior motives. Insist that you cannot have a relationship with him. Don't take his money. Find another person to teach you to drive. Walk carefully, young lady. Don't put yourself into situations that would cause you to get hurt.
Do write me again. I would like to know whether or not that rapist who took you for fish and bammy, got you pregnant.
Pastor
Can't get over my children's father
Dear Pastor,
I am twenty-eight years old and I fell in love with a man in 1987. Our friendship ended in 1999. I have two children by this man. He was the first man for me. He tried to kill me twice and the last time I had to run for my life.
Sometimes when I am at home I keep thinking that he is the only man I have loved. Since we broke up I have only talked to two men, but I can't get over my children's father. However, I think I am getting over him little by little. I am happy without a man in my life. I am happy to have my children and cousins around me.
Whenever I am on the road and men call me, I don't even see them. I don't know if I will ever love again after what has happened to me.
My children's father made love to all of my girlfriends. He does not care at all. He even had an affair with one of my children's godmother. He does not know what is love.
I know I can live without a man in my life.
R.G, St. Andrew.
Dear R.G
Take care of your children. Enjoy their company. Do your best for them. Their father might not have treated you well and you have alleged that he tried to kill you. You seem to be doing well now. You are happy. It is natural for you to think about him, but you will overcome him.
I hope that he supports his children. If he is not doing that, you should take him to court.
Right now you feel that you do not need a man in your life. However, when the children have grown older and you got their father out of your system, you may feel the need for a man. Should that happen, and a man shows interest in you, please make sure that you go for counselling before you agree to have an intimate relationship with him.
Please take the children to church and don't forget to have Bible reading with them at home.
Pastor
