Tony HendriksIT SEEMS that every so often scientists come out with some new theory to disprove the theory they came up with the week before.
One week you can eat butter the next you can't even look at butter. Then all of a sudden you can not only eat it but you should bathe in it and get married to it if you can find an eligible enough member of the butter species like Butter Pat or her sister Easy Spread Marge.
All this proves that scientists really don't have a clue what is fact or what is not from day-to-day. That's why we call what doctors do practicing! Problem is they give us the much information as soon as they discover it, rather than waiting till it's tried, tested and fully proven! Which is all very nice but that approach would never work in a relationship between man and woman.
AN: You know darling for a moment there I wasn't thinking of you at all, I was thinking of that really beautiful girl I was chatting to earlier today.
Whereupon the woman smacks the man across head, gets dressed and walks out of the bedroom. Proving that if you don't say the right thing at the right time you'll get a bus' mouth. Transparency is not necessarily a good thing.
A couple of years ago scientists declared Homo Sapiens did not meander at all near the Neanderthal but in fact Homo Erectus produced us. Personally I believe I was adopted but that's another matter for another time.
Having launched a huge debate back then, they have now changed their mind, at least in part. Now they say Red Haired People ARE in fact descendants of Neanderthal Man. Surely that means there must have been a spot of cross species breeding going on. Was that entirely legal back then?
Some other scientists, naturally, have totally opposed this latest theory screaming that it could never happen. In order for the correct genes to be passed on blah-de-blah-de-blah-de-blah a Female Homo Erectus would have to have had intimate relations with a Neanderthal Man. And that, according to the objectionable scientists, could never happen. Hello? Which planet have they been living on?
That's my problem with all these high scientists. Same with accountants, economists and lawyers who try to run businesses or countries. Forget the book; just take a look! Forget statistics; get realistic!
Every woman I know has had intimate relations with a Neanderthal at least once! And if she's not actually gone through with it, she will have certainly have seriously considered doing so and would have been quite happy if she'd downed a bottle of Canei or two. Ask 'em! They'll tell you it's true, if they're honest.
Good looks and cross species mixing has never worried women. Some, sure, but not all by any means. You only have to look at Brad Pitt. He's a huge sex symbol but he looks like a monkey! A pretty-faced monkey with a six-pack I grant you, but if you look closely you'll agree, him favour Capuchin.
Take a look around and you'll see plenty of proof that women choose ruff neck bad boy rogues, the antithesis of what your mother told you to be when you grew up. I'm a case in point. I may not look like Wesley Snipes or Hugh Grant but I've never been short of women.
Scientists are also racist! They always name diseases, viruses and killer bugs after countries. German Measles. Asian Flu. West Nile Encephalitis. Delhi Belly. Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. Riverton City Titty. (Okay I made up the last one but you get what I mean).
It's the same when it comes to insects. African Wasps don't necessarily all come from Africa they're just darker than the rest. By that rationale we should work in the Day and sleep in Africa. Australian Cockroaches don't fly all the way from Oz to your kitchen, though they do live down under the sink.
It would be far better if scientists named diseases so we knew what we had. Like Red-Lump-In-My-Neck-Virus, Brain-Swell-Till-My-Head-Feel-It-Going-Pop-Itis. Run-Go-Bathroom-Every-Five-Minute-Mania. And Me-A-Go-Miss-Wuk-Even-Dough-Nutten-Nuh-Do-Me-Itis is terrible!
And when I don't feel funny I have Me-Nah-Write-No-More-Omnia!s.
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com, Copyright 2001.TonyHendriks.
