Dear Pastor,
I have often read your articles and compared the answers you gave to the men with those you gave to the women. It has led me to believe that you think that women are some little goddesses and should be loved and respected by men while these women do nothing of the sort in return to men.
In one of your columns during the month of March 2001, your response to the woman whose man had left her to marry another woman was that her children would grow up and take care of her remembering what their father did to her. And that the day will come when a woman can feel safe knowing that the laws of the land will be such that a man cannot just use a woman and leave her as he sees fit.
Do you have all the details of what took place or because she is a woman her story is good enough for you? The law of the land says that a man and a woman are equal and therefore no man has the right to take care of a woman unless she is ill and incapable of working for herself.
I have been living with a woman for five years now, and have been encouraging her to attend evening classes, which she has refused to do. I offered to pay her tuition and even pay someone to wash our clothes on a Saturday, but she is still adamant that she wants to wash her clothes on Saturdays and relax on Sundays.
She has been working as a machine operator for the past 10 years. She was offered a house through the National Housing Trust, but she could not come up with the down payment. So she lost her chance even though the amount of money through salary deductions which goes to her credit union would have more than covered the amount she needed, not to mention the redundancy money she received. She was made redundant and then re-hired before she was given the opportunity to buy the house.
I am buying one through the Housing Trust and she is not going to live in there. And as soon as possible I am going to leave her. I have been telling her that for the past three years and all she does is cry. So since I cannot stand her tears, I am not going to tell her when I am leaving. I am just going to leave. All she wants is a child, and I know that she only wants a child to see if that can hold me.
I have heard women brag about how many Guinness their men drink from their children's father's money. Why is it that men have to fight through the Family Court to get a child that belongs to him, while the mother only needs to prove to the authorities that she is the mother? Many men refuse to maintain their children because the women are incapable of taking care of these children. But at the same time the women refuse to give them to their fathers. And the children grow up hating their fathers because their mothers lie to them about their fathers.
If and when I leave this woman, do you think any law could get me to sell my property gained through the period that we have been together and give her half? Her half would be in the grave.
Look at the number of women slaughtered in Jamaica since the nineties. Investigate the source of these domestic disputes. It is either she is leaving the man, which is her right, or she is suing for her portion of property which she has not made any contribution, or she is suing for child support which he does not intend to pay.
Before all these laws are passed, which favour the females and pressure the males, I am suggesting that they educate the females to love men for who they are and not what they have.
I will only respect a woman whenever she first respects herself and will only continue to respect her if she in turn respects me.
Males have felt rejected by this society and a lot of people are going to feel the repercussions, but mostly women if the laws are not made equal instead of giving more rights to the women who have more equal rights from they were born.
B.S., St. Catherine
Dear B.S.,
You talk as a man who hates women. If your woman has not treated you well, don't blame all women for that. You seem to be a bitter man, and what you don't understand is that whether you would want to believe it or not, the woman with whom you have been living with for the past five years has helped you. Yes, you say that you offered to pay somebody to wash on Saturdays, but your woman did not agree. She enjoys washing your dirty clothes, cleaning the house and cooking your meals and doing other things for you that I don't have to mention.
You are a very ungrateful, unthankful and cruel man. If you knew this woman was not a good woman, why have you stayed with her for five years? You are a murderer at heart. You seem to be saying that women are to be used and dumped. You are not a real man. Good men don't talk like you. Good men love, cherish, honour, protect and provide for their women. And it does not matter how much a woman earns. A good man does not look at that.
You can jump as high as you want, there are certain laws in this country that need to be amended to protect women and children. All conscientious men know that the way to show love to their children is to support them and spend quality time with them. Men with filthy hearts like you would rather see their child/children suffer because they think that their children's mothers will give to their male partners a drink from the maintenance money. You have a low down dirty mind. Shame on you.
I wonder if your woman spent her redundancy money on you and in maintaining the home in which both of you live? Is that the reason why she had no money to make the down payment on the house from National Housing Trust? If you had loved this woman, you would have done your very best to help her purchase the house that was offered to her. It is because you want to walk all over her and show off on her, and to make her feel that she is nobody, why you did not lift a hand to help her. You are a disgrace to every well- thinking Jamaican man. You are a selfish man. And if you don't change you are going to suffer because there is a God who sees all things. And He knows that you have treated your woman badly, and the tears that your woman has shed, God may use them against you.
Think again, brother. Learn to love your woman. Treat her with respect. She has helped to build you whether you want to believe it or not.
Pastor
