By Marcia L. Bowen, Contributor 
I HAVE a simple ambition -- to be out of bed at 5:00 a.m., do 30 minutes of exercise, have some natural fruit juice and be at my desk bright-eyed and bushy tailed by 7:00 a.m.
However, no matter how I try, meeting those simple morning goals is a major challenge.
There was a time when my internal clock would work. Just before going to bed, I would tell myself that I would get up at 5:00 a.m. and voila! It worked like a charm. Not anymore. Therefore, I began my alarm clock phase. It worked -- just for two mornings. But what did I do? I just stretched over to the bedside table and turned it off.
I was still intent on meeting my goals so I placed the alarm clock in the bathroom where I was forced to 'travel'. The calculation was that I would be fully awake by the time I reached the bathroom. That too worked for a few days. However, predictably, after a while, I just stumbled right back into bed.
I then took the decision to put the alarm clock far, far away. I placed it at the foot of the stairs along with my running gears. The thinking was, by the time I descended the stairs I would be fully awake and slip into my gears to go running -- walking really. That did not work because often the poor clock rang itself into silence. By then I had become immune to its shrill. Or, I would simply turn the clock off and retreat to the comfort of the sofa.
I then decided to try another tactic. I placed the clock outside on the roof of the neighbouring apartment. This I did by stretching across from my balcony. The logic was, by the time I opened the patio door and stretched next door, the cold morning blast would sufficiently awaken me. That did not work, as I would merely retrieve the clock, close the door and stumble back into bed.
I then tried pasting up signs all over my room printed in red ink -- "WAKE UP AT 5:00 A.M." -- hoping that at 5:00 a.m. the mantra would seep into my subconscious and make me a 5:00 o'clock riser.
No such luck. It worked for a few days and then I developed immunity.
I was now at my wits end. I was not meeting any of my goals. I was about to give up and then I made a last ditch attempt. I moved my music system into the bedroom, read the manual for the first time, only because I wanted to activate the "wake-up to music feature".
I programmed it to start playing (at exactly 5:00 a.m.) Destiny's Child, 'Independent Woman'. My rationale was that hearing the song would spur me into action and push me to recall my pledge to remain independent. Getting to work early would at least help to ensure that I retained my job.
Guys I am sorry, but as soon as the heavy beat pulsated from the speakers, I promptly used the remote to switch the darned thing off and pulled my pillows closer.
At this point, I believe that I have tried everything in order to wake up at 5:00 a.m. Have I left anything out? Wake up calls do not work, I just lift the phone and replace it or just plain ignore it. My friends have suggested that a baby will do the trick but then I am afraid that I would let the poor thing cry itself to sleep.
Can anyone help me?
P.S. Psychologists will say that my plight is an indication of my reluctance/deep-seated inability to face my world. They may go further to say it is a manifestation of an even deeper issue -- unwillingness/inability to adhere to a set code of behaviour/instructions as well as an indication of latent or even overt aggression.
What do you think?
I think I need a vacation!
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