Want to maintain good relationship with parents and boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 17-years-old and attending high school. I have one more year before I graduate. As the school year goes on life becomes a little more difficult for me. I am unable handle some of the problems that come my way.

My mother and I are not getting along very well. I live with both parents and I love them very much, but for the past five years I have not been close to my mother. She suffers from arthritis. With her health condition, I have had to learn to live also with her change of attitude. I have to be stronger and more independent. She and I have never been close. My father played a more motherly role in my life than my mother.

I love my father very much. I can talk to him about anything. He is like a mother, sister, brother, cousin, mentor and, even a best friend. But these days I am somewhat pulling away from him. Perhaps, because I feel much more mature now.

Last year I visited Jamaica to see relatives and friends. I miss Jamaica so very much and when I left there tears came to my eyes. I have friends there that are like family. And the best thing happened to me while I was there. I fell in love with a young man and I want him forever. He is four years older than I. Every minute I spent with him was memorable. I am here, he is down there. That is the problem. We call, we write, we do everything, but I am longing to hold him, kiss him, and just chill.

Some days I wake up with tears in my eyes, but I can't help it. I will love him forever. How can we keep loving each other when we are so far away? Thanks for your time. God bless you.

Z.V, Connecticut, USA.

Dear Z.V,

You are growing up. You are not a little girl anymore, so you may not want to be called daddy's little girl anymore. That is not unusual. You have not lost respect for your father but it is not unusual for a girl who is in her teens to not see eye to eye with her parents.

You have never been close to your mother and now that she is not keeping good health you may find it even more difficult to relate to her. I am sure that she would like to understand you better. Perhaps you think she could have done more for you when you were growing up. On the other hand, she may say that she has done her best.

I believe that the major problem with your mother and you is communication. You need to talk more to your mother. She would like that, and by doing so you would come to understand how she feels about you, your father, and the pain she is going through. Communication must be improved if there is to be a better relationship between your mother and you.

Continue to write your boyfriend in Jamaica. If it is God's will for both of you to be together, it will happen. In the meantime, work hard on your lessons, then go on to college. Become a career woman. I wish you well.

Pastor

Moving on...after a failed marriage and obeah

Dear Pastor,

I am a young woman with many problems. I am also a mother. I am a believer in God, but to be honest with you, I feel I cannot make it any longer. I feel like killing myself. I grew up with my sister-in-law. I lived at her home but had to leave at a tender age. From there I went to live with a lady.

I met a man and I went to live with him. He got me pregnant, but, because of one of his sisters, I was forced to leave. I met another man who told me that he loved me and after we were friends for a while we started living together. His relatives did not like me. We were living close to his mother so we moved and rented a house away from her.

We started attending church together. I thought that this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We got married and his mother encouraged him to build a house on her land. He agreed but I did not want him to do it. Anyway, we worked together and built a three-bedroom house. We lived at that house for about a year-and-a-half and then trouble started.

I used to go out and work and whenever I went home I felt pain under my belly bottom. Regardless of how hard I worked I was afraid to go home. And my husband started to make fuss with me. Even when I was about to see my period he wanted to have sex with me. I could not take the problems anymore. I had to move out of the house.

I had to run for my life with just the clothes on my back. I took my son with me. I did not even take a bed because I did not want my husband to come and visit me. Since I left that house I have stopped going to doctor. I do not feel the pain under my belly bottom anymore. I used to go to the doctor three times per week and the doctor could not tell me what was wrong with me.

Some people may say that obeah is not real. I can tell them that it is. The Bible says that we should beware of evil doers. After I moved out, my husband begged me to return but I told him I would not.

I rented a house and my son and I were living there. My husband came there and hid under the table until midnight. He took a piece of rope and put it around my neck but God gave me the strength to fight with the rope around my neck. When my son woke up he released the rope from my neck and I opened the door and ran out. My friend called the police and they locked him up.

The Legal Aid helped me to get my divorce. After the court case with my husband I came from work, cooked my dinner, said my prayers and went to bed. And about midnight I woke up with a big belly, feeling lots of pain and blood and flowing down my feet. My neighbours rushed me to the hospital. I could not walk. The doctors said I wouldn't make it. I spent six days in the hospital.

At present, I am employed but the salary is small. I would like to get a good job in the Falmouth or Montego Bay area. My desire is to build a house. I don't believe in running around. Right now, men are not on my mind.

Please pray for me. I am looking for your answer. Continue to do your good work. God bless you.

G, Trelawny

Dear G,

You have had bad experiences. I do not know what caused the pains. You say the doctor did not know either. You believe that somebody worked obeah on you, and from what you have said, the obeah was strong in the house you and your husband built. So that is why you ran from that house. I know who you are trying to say worked obeah on you. I believe that it is unfortunate that you should point a finger and accuse that person.

Whatever happened on that night which you alleged that your husband had a rope around your neck, I can only say that I am glad that your friend was around to help you. Too bad your husband and you have not tried to resolve your problems. But sometimes divorce becomes necessary. I hope that you will find the strength to move on with your life. I wish that you would not continue to believe that someone is trying to obeah you.

God is bigger than any evil worker, so put your trust in God. Take care of your son. Continue to read your Bible. Go to church and please don't waste your money on obeah.

Pastor

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