He has another woman, but I still love him

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early twenties and I am employed. I have a boyfriend. When we first met he did not tell me that he had another girlfriend. I found out, not only does he have a girlfriend, but he also had fathered a child, and she is now pregnant with his second child.

She knows about me, but now I do not care because I love this man and he is spending more time with me. He loves me very much and loves her too. He said he is sorry he did not meet me before he got involved with the other. Otherwise, I would be the one to have his children.

His baby mother does not like me. He is planning to marry me. He said he was looking for a person like me a long time ago, and if I leave him he will kill himself. He wants me to have a child for him because that will help us stay together.

Please give me your fatherly advice. I do not want to lose this man. I feel good when I am around him and he feels the same way.

M.J, St. Mary

Dear M.J

You are not a good girl. You are unfair and you are going to be sorry for what you are doing to this other woman. When eye water knock you, so to speak, you are going to feel that this woman worked obeah on you. But it is not obeah. It is your evil deed catching up on you.

You should remember that you are a woman too, and you wouldn't want to have two children by a man, and another girl is doing everything in her power to take away your man. What you do not want for yourself, you should not want to do it to another woman. Mark my word, repercussion going to take you.

Leave the woman with her man. You are a young girl. You can get another man. Do not listen to the nonsense this man is talking. Let him stay with this woman. Do not allow her eye water to catch you. I hope you take what I say seriously.

Pastor

Stop choosing men, allow God in your life ­ Pastor

Dear Pastor,

My father died when I was very young, and one of my brothers tried to have sex with one of my sisters, but he did not succeed. And for that reason he turned against us. My mother gave me away and because of sexual abuse I could not stay at the home she put me. I had to go back to my mother.

My mother had other men in her life, but life was not made easier for her. She had children with these men, but because life was so hard she couldn't send us to school. She did not tell us about life. And she did not tell us either that we will menstruate.

When I was a teenager I went to live with a man because I did not have anybody to help me. I became pregnant and my problems got worse. The man who got me pregnant and I broke up, and I went from one man to the other. Some of them ill-treated me and beat me up. I ended up with more children than I can manage. But of all the men, only one tried to help me with the children.

The man I presently have is a no good. He wants to live like a sweet boy. He has children with another woman, and he does not support them. I talk to him until I am tired. He wouldn't even go to look for work. All he wants to do is to have sex. Whenever I do not have sex with him, he says I have another man. Please tell me what to do.

P.A, St. James

Dear P.A.

Firstly, I would like to encourage you to commit your life to the Lord Jesus. You have had a difficult upbringing.

Unfortunately, your father died when you were a child, and you struggled and never really enjoyed your childhood days.

Your brother tried to take advantage of one of your younger sisters. I am glad he was not allowed to sexually abuse her. It is so unfortunate that you were sexually abused when you were a child.

I do not want to be too hard on your mother. I believe she tried. It seems to me that some of the problems she faced, you are now experiencing.

After your father died she had numerous problems. Men were not kind to her, and they have not been kind to you either. You have moved from one man to the other. You have been searching for love and financial help. And instead of receiving help, you have ended up with many children.

It is time for you to consider getting rid of the man with whom you are living. That man does not deserve to have you. He is a parasite. He does not want to work. You need to throw him out. If you don't, he is going to cause you go to crazy. He should be sharing the bills with you or paying them. Instead he wants to enjoy everything you have and not bear any responsibility at all. He is a wicked man, pack his belongings and put him out.

You need a good man in your life. You have to stop choosing men and allow God to choose one for you. Turn over your life to Christ. Go to church. You are a hard worker. God will bless you if you put him first.

Pastor

Confused by boyfriend's actions

Dear Pastor,

I fell in love with a man, and we started living together. Everytime we had a fuss, he beat me up. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left him. He came back for me and promised that he would not do it again. Everything went well for a little while. Then one day a girl telephoned and asked for him. I asked her why she was calling him and she told me she was expecting to see him, but he did not come to see her.

She called another time and asked me my name. We started talking and she told me that she was pregnant for my boyfriend, and since she told him that she is pregnant, he is keeping away from her.

When he came home, I told him that the girl had called and what she said. He said the child was not his because when he had sex with her he used a condom. I started to cry and asked him how he could do that to me. He said it happened during the time I moved out of the house.

Her mother came to see him and both of them sat under a tree and talked for a long time. When she left I asked him what that was all about. He told me to mind my own business. He started to stay out late at nights. Friends told me that he was always at the girl's house. One day I went there and saw him in bed with the girl. I created a scene, but people took me away. We have a child together.

When he came home I told him to make up his mind what he wanted to do. He packed his things and left. The girl had the baby, but now he wants to return to me. He said he made a mistake. I am afraid to take him back, but I still love him.

To tell you the truth, sometimes when he comes around we have sex. But he knows that I have another man and this man is taking good care of me. The only fuss I have with my new boyfriend is over my child's father who is coming around again. I do not know what to do.

R.W., St. Catherine

Dear R.W,

Although you have a child and his father is showing interest in you again, and is begging you to return to him, I do not think you should. You should always remember that he is an abuser. When both of you were living together, he used to beat you up. In my opinion, he is likely to it again.

He did not treat you well. He left you and went to live with the other girl he impregnated. He should stay with her. You should not allow him to use you.

You have a new man in your life, and this man is taking care of you. And although you still care for your child's father, you have to think of yourself, your future and your happiness.

Therefore, I would suggest that you stick with the new man who has made you happy.

He seems to be intelligent and he knows how to treat a woman. Your child's father should suck salt. He has made his bed hard.

Pastor.

Mother does not like my friend

Dear Pastor,

Two years ago I met a man and we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Everywhere I went, he came with me. I attend church so he came to church with me. My mother got to know him, but she does not like him. And she told me that he is going to get me pregnant.

She is always cursing me and telling me that I am not going to come to anything good because I start taking man too early. She is very wrong because my boyfriend and I never had sex. I am a well-behaved girl. I do not give any trouble. I look attractive, but I do not play around with men. I only have this steady boyfriend. My mother does not want me to have any freedom, and I am able to take care of myself. Please keep up your good work.

A.G, St. Andrew

Dear A.G

Do not be discouraged. You know that your mother's attitude towards you is not good. Unfortunately, she feels because you have a boyfriend you must be having sex. That is how some parents think. Continue to walk uprightly. The day may come when she may say to you that she is proud of you.

She may not like your boyfriend now, but she may get to like him if she sees that he is ambitious and hard working. I am glad he is attending church with you.

Pastor

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