How best to preserve your mind AS I watch the maelstrom of idiocy swirl around us in what is now standard election campaigns in Jamaica I sought in vain for understanding in philosophical terms. Then it dawned on me that such a bizarre situation is better explained in the context of comics. As I pursued this line of reasoning things began to emerge much more clearly. I discovered that two particular comic features bear close parallel to our situation. One is the feature cartoon film: Li'l Abner. In one scene the people of Dog Patch - what an apt name for pre-election Jamaica - paid great homage to their hero, one general Jubilation T. Cornpone". Old J.T. could do no wrong even though he did not know which end of his horse to mount. They would believe old J.T. even if he promised to build a tourist resort on lands he has never laid eyes upon. Meanwhile the people of Dog Patch sent an emissary to Washington to observe how things were going and report back. They had just got through singing and dancing in honour of J.T. Cornpone when the emissary returned to tell in song of the great things going on in the capital. The Senate did not know what the House was doing and the President did not know what either was up to. Picture them trying to find out who ordered a nearby village bulldozed or who had settled the people there. But after every piece of confusion the refrain was: "But the country is in the very best of hands; the best of haannnds!" But the cream of the analogy to our situation resides in what I consider a gem of a Popeye cartoon. It was the time his lath leg girl friend Olive Oyl decided to run for President. Now Olive had something of a handicap since it was in the days before "Chi Chi man" was composed, so she made do with her own creation: "If I were President." She'd have jobs for everyone; money would jingle and rustle in everybody's pocket and pocketbook. In short everything would come up roses if only "I were President!" Other examples abound from the world of fantasy. Remember the song: The great come and get it day? Remember the lines: "On that great come and get it day. Won't it be fun when trouble's done and money is hay? That's the time that things will come my way. On that great come and get it day. I'll get my gal that calico gown; I'll get my mule an acre of ground... Glory's time coming for the saints on that great big come and get it day." Of course if you are of a logical turn of mind you will see the samfie of the "great come and get it day." But if you belong to the set who believe that 'partner' schemes can work, then you'll love the idea of the "great great come and get it day". So the door is open for the promises from never, never land. But they will have to make you the promises that are consistent with the times and the technology. For instance, you can't just promise a phone in every home. You might have to promise in addition two cellulars so they can have one in each hand while driving and damn the steering wheel. In short you can promise anything and everything for you expect that they all dream the "Impossible Dream". But you have to be careful that you don't remind them of the part about "a man scorned and covered with scars striving with his last of ounce of courage." The idea of 'striving' and 'courage' will not serve your campaign. That would be like 'ole tiim sinting', and 'a nat dat wi ah defen'! So I suggest that if you have a mind to retain your sanity in this bizarre season, you embrace the comics. They are as incisive as any philosophy you could pursue, and so much more for fun! And in the end we might all gather in 'Dog Patch', perhaps even under the magical 'Yokumberry tree'. And since we love division, one set could sing in honour of the great hero Jubilation T. Cornpone, who still hasn't learnt the difference between one end of the horse and the other; while the other set celebrate with "The Country's in the very best of hands. The best of haaands"! What a delightful way to preserve our culture and honour our heroes. Don't you think? C. Roy Reynolds is a freelance journalist.
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