Dazzled by the money

Dear Pastor,

Greetings. I am in my thirties and I have children. My children's father and I have been together for seventeen years. The only thing we fuss over is his women.

He has many women, but he always tells me that I should not fuss about that because I am his children's mother and nobody can come between us. He is away but he always sends me money. Every time he calls me he wants to know if I am keeping any man with him. I never used to do it, but these days it looks as if I can't keep up. I am very lonely.

I miss him very much and I told him so. I also told him that I need some more money every month from him. I told him that he should try and send me a little more, but he told me he cannot afford it because he was trying to buy a car. I went to a dance with some of my girlfriends and I met a man who told me that he loves me. He wanted me that same night to go to bed with him. He took out a bundle of money and showed it to me and told me if I had oral sex with him he will give it to me. I told him no I couldn't do it because I have a man. He gave me his number and told me to call him any time.

One day I called him at his office and he invited me out for dinner. He took me to a nice place. My children's father has never taken me to any place like that. Another evening we went out again. This time he took me to a club and after we had drinks we went to a hotel and spent some time together. He gave me ten thousand dollars. Now I am seeing this man every week and every time I leave home my children ask me where I am going, but I cannot tell them. Sometimes while I am out my children's father calls and asks the children where I am. When I talk to him I have to lie.

This man buys me lots of clothes and every week I have more than enough money to buy groceries. He is married but his wife is away. His children are living with him. I do not want to leave him, but I also love my children's father.

I am confused. I do not know what to do. My children's father is expected to return at any time.

W.L., St. Andrew

Dear W.L.,

The Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil. Your childrens father is trying his best to support you and the children. You say that the amount of money he is sending to you is not enough. I can understand that. The cost of living is high. But I cannot excuse you for keeping another man while you are giving your childrens father the impression that you are remaining faithful to him.

I believe that you should get yourself a job. You may say that jobs are difficult to get. That is true, but I do not believe that things are so bad with you that you have to sell your body. I do not believe that it is too late for you to end the relationship with this man. You are setting up yourself for trouble, so get smart. Tell the man that you do not wish to go on with him. Don't go out with him anymore.

Pastor

To divorce and remarry ...is it a sin?

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. I am having a serious problem. When I was a baby my father left me with my mother and went to America. I did not know him.

He came back to Jamaica when I was nine years old and married my mother. He went away again, but he never filed for us. We heard that he had another woman up there. My mother's friend told us that she knew where he was living and she also knows the woman he was living with, but they moved.

My mother now has another man after many years of waiting on my father. She says that she wants a divorce, but the elder of her church told her that if she gets a divorce she will be living in sin for the rest of her life. When my mother heard that she started to cry. This man loves her very much and he told her that she should leave that church. Sometimes I feel sorry for my mother because everything she does with this man she has to hide from the church members.

Whenever they are going out she has to go and meet him because she is afraid the members would see his car at her gate, and report her to the elder. This man cares for her very much. He wants to marry my mother by next year April. He is a widower. His children are grown and they like my mother too.

I am not a Christian and I do not have a boyfriend. I do not plan to attend that church because of their teaching. I know my mother is a good Christian. What do you say about this church and divorce?

Please publish your answer.

L.T., St. Catherine

Dear L.T.,

Your mother is a grown woman. The people in the area know that your father who is her husband abandoned his family many years ago. Therefore, I see no reason why your mother has to be hiding if she has a male visitor, or if she wants to go out with a male.

Churches have different rules, but I have always felt that it is time for preachers to stop condemning divorced people or those who wish to be divorced. It is wrong for your mother's elder to teach that a person who is divorced is living in sin. That is not true at all. Anybody who is divorced and feels uncomfortable in the church in which he or she is a member should find a church where he or she is accepted.

Your mother should file for a divorce and when she is free, she should marry the man who loves her.

Pastor

Coping with an evil stepfather

Dear Pastor,

My stepfather is very cruel to both my brother and me. He quarrels with my mother and us over every little thing. He is always taking news to my mother about me. I do not disrespect him, but he is always cursing me the most disgraceful way. He calls me a Johncrow.

He has another woman and he does not even keep any secret about this woman. He talks everything all over the place. He said that if he wanted to have sex with me he would have done so a long time ago. When I was a child he used to beat me with electric wire and kick me. And when I was fifteen years of age both of us had a fight, and he took a machete to chop me because he told me to take my clothes out of his place. I did not take my clothes out at the same time, but I managed to take the machete away from him. I finally took my clothes and left.

Please tell me what to do.

C.E., St. Mary

Dear C.E.,

You are a very strong and brave young girl. I am sure that it is safe to say that most young people would run if anybody drew a machete to chop them up. You stood up, fought with your stepfather and disarmed him. Congratulations. However, I would not encourage you to try that again. You may not be as successful.

I am glad that you have left the house. I do not know where you are because you have not mentioned that in your letter. I hope that wherever you are you are safe.

Your stepfather needs the Lord in his life. I am sure that your mother is very unhappy. May I suggest that she tries to get some help from a minister of religion in her area. She needs to associate herself with good Christian women who will encourage her and guide her. If she is not a member of a church, she should seriously consider becoming a part of one. I am sure that the sisters will help her.

Pastor

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