Why married women cheat?

Heather Little-White, Ph.D., Contributor

MEN ARE finding women rather elusive these days. Many persons believe that it is only men who have extra-marital relationships, but married women also cheat on their spouses, except that they are more clever. When they have to meet the others, they find creative ways that would boggle the mind, according to a veteran hotelier.

Women cheat for a number of reasons as men do and they enter in extra-marital relationships with increasing frequency. Some men find it difficult to believe that their spouses could ever have an extra-marital affair. Marital infidelity indicates that there are imperfections in the marriage despite the couple living the myth of a perfect couple and giving impressions to that effect. Last week, Outlook highlighted the causes why men cheat and these included the clash of expectations, career rivalry, peer rivalry and power play.

More intimacy

There is a basic difference between men and women in the way they view intimacy, the meaning it brings to their lives and the priority placed on it. Women have a compelling wish that the men in their lives will understand the nature of love they desire. Traditionally, husbands have suppressed and controlled the very sensual qualities they desire in a woman. A woman who has a vibrant sensual sense of self and demonstrates sexual spontaneity may often be viewed with suspicion by her man. If a wife is dissatisfied with her marriage, she may eventually engage in another affair to find sexual compatibility and to explore their capacity for passion, excitement and desire.

Orgasmic experience

Men want instant gratification while women deny themselves to please their men. Some husbands believe that their wives do not need orgasms, and as such, many wives have difficulty reaching an orgasm in their marriage. Subsequently they become depressed, feel cheated and missing out on an experience that is so glorified as the ultimate sexual experience.

Women, more liberalised in their thinking, believe that orgasm is an entitlement so they will try to get it by whatever means ­ masturbation or extra-marital relationships. One woman said that as long as she was married (for 15 years) she faked her orgasms to please her husband and did not know what intense pleasure she was missing until she became involved with a young co-worker who took the time to get her an orgasmic pleasure. "I couldn't believe what was happening to my body," she said.

The Hite Report on Human Sexuality cites... "If I am engaging in sexual activity with one partner repeatedly, never achieving an orgasm, I become very angry and frustrated and increasingly frigid... I deserve a climax after working him up to one."

Emotional relief

Women claim they want sex with feeling. They will remain faithful to their husbands if there is a total sexual experience. According to the Hite Report, "my emotions play an enormous part in sex for me ­ maybe too much for my liking..." The sexual revolution has caused people to suffer because there is no emphasis on commitment and feelings which is critical to emotional well-being.

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