Justice Writes - Coping with grief

JAMAICANS FOR Justice (JFJ) acknowledged that many of our citizens are currently coping with grief and that indeed, the nation of Jamaica is grieving. For this reason JFJ decided to invite Mrs. Andrea Hopwood to speak to its membership on the topic of grief. The following is an edited version of the talk she gave.

While stating that she is not academically qualified in the field of psychology, the meeting soon realised that Mrs. Hopwood has spent many years studying the topic, counseling and caring for grieving persons in hospitals and with Jamaica Aids Support.

GRIEF IS a normal process for one who has experienced the loss of a loved one. There are many ways to grieve; men grieve differently to women and children grieve differently to adults; but we all grieve. Grief affects our biological, social, psychological and our spiritual being as we pass through the many stages of grief.

Nature protects us from the unbearable pain of the loss by manufacturing a kind of anesthetic and we become numb and anaesthetised. The ritual of the funeral is very, very important and it is best if one has the opportunity to see and touch the body which will serve to confirm that the loved one is in fact dead. After the numbness comes anger - anger towards the killer(s) and anger towards God who was supposed to look after your loved ones. You may then find yourself withdrawing from friends and family. Your immune system is affected and you develop complaints of sleep and eating disorders, stomach and breathing problems, and memory lapses. Some doctors will prescribe tranquillisers, sleeping pills or anti-depressants which will only repress your legitimate emotions and the natural process of grieving. For grief is a normal, God-given condition that should be acknowledged and given its time. You cannot run away from it by working extra hard, keeping yourself active or taking a pill.

Eventually, if allowed to go through the grieving process, the time will come when you can start reinvesting in life, a life that now has a large hole in it and which, you begin to realise, can never be the same. But, be prepared for the waves of grief that will often overpower you, even after several 'good' days.

Anniversaries, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas are always, 'bad days'. The grief from the passing of an elderly person, although painful, is part of a natural process. Grief becomes complicated when a loved one, dies from suicide, murder, road accidents, or death by police. These are all sudden, unnatural and unpredictable deaths that cause an even greater trauma. If you had a relationship with somebody, you no longer want to trust having another relationship for fear that it will be taken away from you. If you had a faith in God, your religion is severely tested.

If you had faith that the police would apprehend the killer you may soon be discouraged. If you believed that the judicial system would provide swift justice, you may quickly discover that it doesn't work. All these conditions add to the stress on the body caused by grief.

The following is a quote from a professional specialising in homicidal grief: "There is a need for resolution as without justice the secondary victimisation is worse than the murder itself'. It is known that if you cannot get justice your anger increases and eventually turns into violence. Between 7-10 people are directly affected by a homicide. Now, think of the number of murders we have tallied in Jamaica, and you will see that there are a lot of enraged people out there. In the developed world, grief is recognised as a mental health problem and usually trained counsellors to give you permission to grieve and assure you that you are not mad, you are only sad. Support group are available to share and talk and care. It is my wish that someday we will have this type of service available across Jamaica.

In closing I offer this, "Prayer of Faith", hoping that it may ease the pain of some who are currently grieving.

We trust that beyond absence there is a presence

That beyond the pain there can be healing

That beyond the brokenness

There can be wholeness

That beyond the anger

There can be peace

That beyond the hurting

There maybe forgiveness

And that beyond the silence

There maybe the word

And beyond the word

There maybe understanding

And through that understanding

There is love.

You may write Jamaicans for Justice at ja.for.justice@cwjamaica.com or visit their web site at http://www.jamaicansforjustice.org

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