Millsy's Mind - Independence day 2201 August 7, 2201 OK, so alright, we celebrated Independence Day yesterday. But what does it mean, people? What does it really mean? Today, we stand on the lip of the 23rd century but things have not changed one iota. The second-hand space cars we imported from Jupiter's Moon, Callisto, are creating an unnecessary jam on the Orion 95 spaceway. At times, workers from this republic don't get to the gold mining fields of Mars until two hours after our scheduled working time. I don't know about you but I need my lunar credits to continue construction of my mini-space mansion on the Pleasure Island satellite just outside the spectacular rings orbitting Saturn. And nothing will stand in my way. If she can't do anything about protecting our credits, we need to dump our new president I knew it was a dark day when a former go go dancer became president -- during the next election process and clone Michael Manley again to come lead us out of the Dark Ages we've suddenly found ourselves in. Ever since Tivoli Gardens and the rest of West Kingston seceded from the Republic of Jamaica in the year 2078, we've had nothing but trouble.And the massive jailbreak by Jamaicans from Jupiter's penal moon, Europa, three earth cycles ago still gives me chills. Don't ask me how the prisoners survived Jupiter's radiation belts, but their subsequent arrival here on Jamaica is some cause for concern since they continue to elude the authorities and have formed themselves into a rag tag rebel band who call themselves get this - 'Yardies'. Word is they are trafficking an illegal moon rock they found on Uranus that is fancied for its hallucinogenic quality. They trade with anyone, even the Federation's enemies, and we are powerless to stop them. We need to cryogenically freeze Security Minister Adams clone #121, especially after the moon slaughter involving visiting tourists from the planet Golgotta 14 in a neighbouring star system. After all, which space tourists do you know who carry loaded .38s? And the blather about the tourists firing first 'on a team on patrol in the area' sounds too 1990s for me. The man is obviously a raving lunatic, and he is threatening the viability of our space tourism industry. Worse, Adams may be a double agent for the United Gates of America (UGA) which secretly loathes us. The UGA - with that self-righteous blow hard Bill Gates the 25th (the great, great, great, great grandson of the Microsoft computer billionaire) at the helm - has been breathing down our backs since we invaded the small-nation island states of Barbados, Haiti and Cuba back in 2194. The UGA feels that we're still pissed at them for refusing to issue visas to Jamaicans in the year 2010 because we refused to accept any more of their 'deportees'. The UGA can't touch us now because we now form an important part of the Federation since dancehall music was found to be the only useful weapons against the blood-sucking giant insect scourge which invaded Earth in 2157. Earth was only able to rout the Arachnidyas, using humungous specially constructed speakers playing Bounty Killer and Beenie Man dubs at mega decibels. Selectors such as Tony Matterhorn, Firelinks and 'Sky Juice' are planetary heroes. With the Republic's newfound celebrity status after War of the World I, we were able to negotiate a deal with the Federation which saw us getting rid of the anaemic Jamaican dollar which stood at J$12,348 to US$1 before 2157. The Republic of Jamaica has moved in space leaps since then, but lately, the stupid twin-republic of Trinidad and Tobago has been getting on our last neurons. For one, the Trinis are holding up traffic on the Orion 95 spaceway with their silly soca music and their stupid accents, and they have a 12,000 access space car slot to the Orion 95 that we could put to better use, getting our citizens jobs in the mining fields of Mars. By God, we are the Republic of Jamaica, and for 239 years that has meant something more than just being Trinidad's bitch. I say we invade them next year, and take over their primitive oil fields that they so like to boast about. The UGA be damned! I need my lunar credits. You can e-mail me cmillsy@yahoo.com
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