Abused by mother

Dear Pastor,

I am a fourteen-year-old student who is thinking about running away from home. The problem is with my mother. She treats me like a dog. If you have the chance to visit my home, you would probably think I am adopted.

I am in ninth grade and will be going into tenth grade in September. I make good grades in school, and I am trying to figure out what else my mother wants from me. All these problems began in sixth grade during my first term.

One day after school I got home at 4:00 p.m. My mother threw all my clothes out of the house. I had to sleep outside without dinner. In the morning my stepfather came and took up my clothes. He begged my mother to take me back in and she did.

When I passed my Common Entrance examination, she was really happy for me. About a month after I began high school she began having a cruel attitude towards me. If I get home from school ten minutes late, she would think that I was with a boy. She told me that when I get pregnant I am not staying there.

These three years in high school have been hell for me. I have never gone out with friends to have fun. She would not allow me to go anywhere. If I do I get beaten with a broomstick. I just want to enjoy my teenage life without getting cuts and bruises.

My body has so many scars, I don't know how I am going to get rid of them. I have been thinking about putting an advertisement in The Gleaner for someone to adopt me.

I have never done anything stupid like breaking rules because I don't want to live on the street. That is what my mother would do, she would kick me out. I am even afraid to eat her food because once she told me that she would poison me.

I really need your advice to handle my mother. I can't take anymore of this.

Confused Teen,

Dear Confused Teen,

Parents or guardians ought not to abuse children. It seems to me that you are being abused. Whenever parents or guardians abuse children, the children should be taken away from them. Foolish parents believe that they should beat their children if the children make mistakes or do something wrong. They think that corporal punishment is the only way to correct children.

You will never forget the bad treatment of your mother. Unfortunately, she does not understand that she is driving you far away from her, and she is also causing you to develop a hatred in your heart for her. Every mother should try her very best to have a close relationship with her daughter. You are not a child. Your mother should recognise that you are growing up. You are intelligent and you need to socialise. If you wanted to have sex, she could not do a thing to prevent you. You would have found ways and time to do it. Preventing you from going out with friends is not using common sense. Parents should talk freely to their children about sex and what they should or should not do. When children are informed, they are not easily fooled by the opposite sex.

I believe that whenever a child feels he or she is being abused, he or she should report their parents to the police or call the Children's Services Department for advice. I make no apology for saying that. Cruel parents and guardians cause their children to feel depressed and unwanted. And the behaviour of parents also causes the children to develop low self-esteem.

Some people may say that by reporting parents to the relevant authorities makes matters worse at home. I beg to differ. It will improve the situation and the parents would think twice before flogging that child again. I also believe that it is the duty of the state to remove a child from the home of abusive parents or guardians.

I would like to suggest that if you have uncles and aunts, you should talk to them about the situation and ask them to talk to your mother. Your stepfather is there. He knows what you are going through. If your mother would not listen to relatives, call the Children's Services for help. The numbers are listed. Look in telephone directory under Government Ministries and Departments.

In the meantime, continue to be respectful to your mother and stepfather. Study hard. Be good. Put your life in God's hand and He will bless you.

Pastor

Put through hell by women

Dear Pastor,

I am seeking your help and advice. I have come across a lot of women, but they are not what they claim to be.

Let me give you a few examples. When I was nineteen years old, I found myself living with a woman who was nineteen years my senior. She was also six months pregnant. The father of the unborn child was nowhere to be found. I worked seven days per week and sixteen hours per day to make that child happy. I paid all the bills, I washed, cooked and cleaned. I shared all the house work with her.

After many years of hard work, she moved out and left me. It was only the mercy of God why I didn't end up in Bellevue. She was the first woman for me.

I took another woman who had children and we had an intimate relationship. I worked hard and supported her and the children. After a while she cursed me and told me anything that came to her mouth. I had to run for my life, and the only thing I took was the clothes on my back.

I met another woman who had two teenage children. I was able to obtain a job. I made a mistake by giving her all my pay. She gave me back a small amount to pay my bus fare to work and to buy lunch.

For one year I went with one pair of shoes on my feet, and just a few pieces of clothes. I started a poultry farm. I had a thousand chickens, and we were able to pay our bills. One of her daughters was very disrespectful to me. In 1996 we had an argument over a telephone call. She nearly hit out one of my eyes. I had to hit her back. She took my clothes, put them in a fowl feeding bag and put them at the gate. I left the house. I had to use my car as my house.

After one year I tried for both of us to reconcile our differences, but she was not willing to do so. I was willing to go back to her because we have a child together. She is using the child as a weapon against me. I know I have faults, but I have tried to do the right thing.

These things that I have written are really getting to me now. That is why I am seeking your help in finding a nice woman to spend the rest of my life with.

S.M., Grand Cayman

Dear S.M.,

You have lots of patience. Judging from your letter, you have tried, but it seems as if women have made a fool of you. Perhaps you are too free handed. You have taken care of women and their children, and after they have eaten you out, they have thrown you on the street. You are still not willing to give them up because you need a good woman in your life.

Brother, you have to pray hard.

It would seem that if any woman is willing to have a relationship with you, both of you should seek professional counselling. Any man who has taken so much beating from women, and who is unable to maintain a steady relationship, should definitely seek professional help before entering into another. You need also to watch your money. Perhaps you are too trusting. Whenever you talk to a counsellor, seek their advice on this matter also. Do not just throw your money on a woman because she says she loves you.

Pastor.

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