'Chantal ganja' and Antonnette's shout

Tony Hendriks

AS LAST Sunday morning dawned, 'Chantal' was veering, stalling and holding, making it sound like she was doing business with a well-known Jamaican investment bank. In truth, the same malaise that hits all overseas investors who visit Jamaica had hit 'Chantal'. She'd ground to a halt, all her promise, previously blown out of proportion, had dwindled to nothing. As is often the case with foreign investors, 'Chantal' would now focus her interests on a country more closely aligned with the USA.

Still our usual indomitable Jamaican spirit was abroad, ready to exploit any and all passing opportunities. "Chantal Ganja! Get your Chantal Ganja here!" A Hip Strip Hustler urged as he pre-empted the Ganja Commission's suggested course of action. "Yow boss, buy two stick a Chantal Herb nuh. When de storm hit, you high already! Buy now while supplies last. Yuh don't want run out. An if you nuh have no cangle or battery in yuh torch, this herb will make you see in the dark. Fi real"!

I can joke about ganja but when people with more titles than the tax office, more papers than a pack of Rizlas and an alphabet of letters after their name agree that prosecuting and persecuting people for small amounts of herb is a pointless exercise, we should put that in our pipe and smoke it.

However I doubt that this government will have the courage to fulfil the recommendations of the Ganja Commission and change the laws of the land. They're too scared to stand up to the international pressure. Which is why we need Antonnette Haughton as Prime Minister! Now there's a woman whose voice can be heard. I take my hat off to her for starting a new political party.

One suggestion though, rather than calling it United Peoples Party or UPP why not call it SPP or Shouting Peoples Party. I'm proud of her but can you imagine if as Jamaica's first woman Prime Minister she visited the White House?

Antonnette: We will decriminalise ganja, do you hear?

President: Ma'am, I hear you, the Supreme Court, Congress and Senate hear you. NASA report the Space Shuttle can hear you in outer space. Where are you from?

Antonnette: UPP.

President: No, I just spilled water on my trousers when you shouted.

In fairness to Antonnette I think she could get plenty of votes in the next election. Jamaica wants a woman, likes a new face and she tells it like it is. I reckon she's in with a shout.

The NDM's downfall has been that all they've showed us is the Gang of Five, Plus. Jamaica is tired of the same old faces. We want someone new. Someone who won't take all the crap we've had to endure from previous governments. Someone who will uncover the gross levels of corruption in our society that we all know exist but no one speaks about, like the fact that the Grocery Retailers Association of Jamaica, GRAJ, controls the Office of Disaster Preparedness & Emergency Management ( ODPEM).

Yes! Haven't you noticed? As soon as supermarket sales drop because of back to school, BOOM, the ODPEM issue storm and hurricane warnings. Suddenly stores are packed in minutes, shelves are clear within half a day. Better than a 100 per cent sale!

Yet the ODPEM never do anything about disasters that face us on a daily basis do they? No! Why don't they issue a warning about the road between Faith's Pen and Moneague? Now that's a disaster! We could sell that as a tourist attraction! "Experience the ride of a lifetime! If you find Universal Studios' Magic Mountain impressive, wait till you see Mount Diablo!"

Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed androundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com

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