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Millsy's Mind - The wonderful world of cloning

WHEN THE guys from Scotland cloned the ewe, 'Molly'in 1996 - where else would that happen but in a country where the men wear kilts? - I saw endless vistas of possible openings for human cloning in the not-too-distant future.

In a century or two, a society where cloning is allowed to be all that it can be could mean that most women could forego the nine-month pregnancy period with all its potential for mistakes, and miscarriages.

This would translate into women who retained their figures for our benefits. That is, no more stretch marks, scarred bellyskin, no more grumpy pregnant women with their crazy cravings, no more 'honey, stop, you might hurt the baby'.

Just imagine a world where childbirth would not transform your formerly svelte wife into a beached whale?

Cloning will not, however, nix the need for sexual activity, but instead, sex will be enjoyed in its purest form - for recreation.

Cloning is pure scientific Viagra.

Think about it, men! You could clone the perfect wife, the perfect children, the perfect dog, and even the perfect mistress. I can see the ads running now: 'Tired of all the nagging about leaving the toilet seat up? The withholding of sexual favours because of arguments? And mail order brides who steal your furniture? Then, check out Clone-a-Wife, our new cloning service that will select the right mate for you...'.

The 'hereditary lottery' where you never quite know how your offspring will turn out was last cute about three centuries ago. The influence of social and parental factors in a child's development will become about as important as a bucket of warm hamster's vomit.

Therefore, we could genetically programme our children, predetermining who they would be from the embryo, so no one can whisper behind the backs of their hands, 'he was a bad parent'.

I admit that there is danger inherent in the practice if a child with Mozart or Eisenhower qualities turns up short, but what the heck, send them into therapy. Let's just clone Freud and bring him back to deal with them.

There is also the potential for new forms of discrimination which would pit 'gennies'(cloned humans) against 'umbies' (humans produced through traditional means). And we would have to pass strict laws against cloning mass murderers and anarchists, and of course, keep the neo-Nazis from cloning Hitler. But that should not be so impossible to do.

And think about the advances in medicine we could be missing out on.

When the technology of cloning is linked to gene manipulation to produce not only headless animals, but the ability to suppress the growth of some organs and stimulate the growth of others, we can develop 'organ factories'. Some scientists are seeing this development as a major opportunity to prevent birth deformities.

This millennium could well see the end of cancer, infertility, Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases if cloning is allowed to proceed under the auspices of scientists. Many scientists working in the field of biotechnology believe this is a real possibility.

I've heard some feminists argue that cloning would give women greater control over sexual reproduction. Men would therefore be relegated to the roles of drones, useful only for sperm. Wrong. I'm sure that men would own the means of this production, we'd still be in control. And there are always women out there willing to sell their eggs to the highest bidder.

Let us not waste time, people. The Pandora's Box awaits us all. Let the cloning begin in earnest.

You can e-mail me at
cmillsy@yahoo.com

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