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The power of a father Fathers give their children more opportunities to 'individuate'.
Audrey Williams, Freelance Writer
NO DOUBT the power of any caring parent in the life of a creature as defenceless, dependent, and impressionable, as the human baby, cannot be overstated. But do both parents affect the baby and growing child in the same way? Experience and research have shown that in very many instances they do not. Children react to their fathers differently from their mothers, and likewise learn different traits from each. If this is so, what kind of impact do we expect a father to have in the life of his child? Jerry Adler, writing in a Special Edition of (Spring/Summer 1997), said "..they (babies) can tell mother from father as early as six weeks, or (depending on which studies you accept) even three. Almost invariably, they make the same distinction, becoming calm in the presence of the mother, aroused and stimulated by the approach of the father." Making reference to Dr. Kyle Pruett, a professor of psychiatry of the Yale University Child Study Centre, he points out that while each mother has a distinctive way of cradling her baby, and will hold them that way nine times out of ten, fathers do the opposite, picking up his baby in nine different ways, including upside down. Even when they are the primary caregivers, fathers do not mother. So what is a father's special contribution to his child's development? Adler refers to Dr. Robert Moradi, a psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine, who says that fathers allow their children more opportunity to "individuate". Fathers are also more likely to allow children the freedom to explore a new situation. Also, "Research shows that infants whose fathers took an active role in their care were less likely to cry when separating from a parent or in the presence of a stranger." Other benefits listed by Moradi, of having a father play an active role in child care include: In his book, The Strong Family, Chuck Swindoll says, "Research shows that sexual promiscuity in a woman can often be traced to a lack of fatherly affection in her childhood and adolescence." I've often heard this one myself, as an explanation for many of the teenage pregnancies we see. "A father helps his daughter to approve of herself by showing her that he himself approves of her." And, of course, boys need their fathers. They need their fathers to show them how to be a man and receive 'boyish affection' from him. As they become older, their need for boyish types of affection grows the need for playful wrestling, backslapping, boxing, bearhugs, playful hitting the kind of demonstration of affection likely to come from a father. It cannot be denied that single parents do their best and many times meet with admirable results, which should be recognised and commended, but God gave both parents to create a balance. Whatever your situation, contemplate the following: Anne Portland in her book, Children are Wet Cement, writes: "That child of yours is helpless in the hands of the people around him. He is pliable to their shaping; they set his mould. What will he become?"
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