He does not trust you anymore

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the mighty name of Jesus our soon coming King. I am a young woman in my twenties. A year ago I met one of my schoolmates. I always had a crush on him. We started a relationship. I fell in love with him, and he told me that he is in love with me too. I always had more than one boyfriend at a time. This guy changed all that. I had another man and when I started the relationship with this guy, I left the other fellow.

I am in love with this man with a passion. I never knew what love was like until I met him. He is quiet, humble, loving etc. Before we started the relationship, he told me he had a girlfriend in England. I did not care about that. I go to his house and he comes to mine. He knows my parents and I know his parents.

One day he came to my home and he was angry. I asked him what was the problem. He said I gave him gonorrhoea. I was shocked because I was faithful to him. He said he was just coming from the doctor, and that is what the doctor told him. The doctor gave him some capsules to take. He said the only other girl he had sex with was with his girlfriend when she was in the island for two weeks. I went to the doctor and my doctor told me that I did not have gonorrhoea, but I was suffering from an infection. I told him what the doctor said. From that day until now that I am writing this letter, he has not had sex with me. He has not touched me either and he is very cold with me.

Sometimes the two of us would sleep on the same bed until daylight and he would not touch me. It is driving me crazy. He carried me to nice places. At one time he was trying to get me pregnant, but unfortunately, it did not happen. I cry night and day. My heart is paining me. Recently, he told me that he does not have any feelings for me anymore.

What do you think is the problem? Please pray for me. I am awaiting your fatherly advice.

Confused, Portland

Dear Confused,

This relationship was purely sexual. The doctor told this man that he had gonorrhoea. He believed you passed it on to him and you have not been able to convince him that you did not. He does not believe you. He does not trust you anymore. So nothing you do will regain his confidence. He had sex on his mind all the way when both of you got together, and he now believes that he was deceived by you. The sex has now become sour. There is no sweetness in the sex anymore, so he does not have any more sexual feelings for you.

Whether or not you want to believe it, you have lost him. His girlfriend in England has a better chance in getting married to him. Prepare for the disappointment. One of these days he will stop coming to visit you. Right now he is preparing to drop you, but he is doing it softly.

Pastor`

My husband turned everyone against me

Dear Pastor,

Greetings. I got married many years ago but life was miserable, so I fled from the marriage. My husband and I have a home. He wasn't making much money and he also had another woman. She used to harass me in public wherever we met. It seemed to me that he was telling everybody that I was crazy. I fled Jamaica when I was able to do so.

My husband took away the document for the house. He also said that he could not continue the mortgage payment. He turned everyone against me by defaming my character. Yet, he says that whatever he is today, I am the one who made him. The statement is ambiguous. Does he mean I made him rich by giving him sole ownership of our joint tenancy home for which I paid mortgage for years as well as utilities? I also supported him by buying him clothes and I supported the children.

I was so ashamed of his cruelty that I failed to use the family court system which is provided for everybody. It appears as if he has followed me here with his witchcraft. I have written for a copy of my title, but I have not received it. I am retired and unable to work.

I need help from the title's office, family court and the police. Perhaps they can help me to secure division of property and sale etc.

B., London England

Dear B.,

It seems to me that you need a lawyer. I will send you the name of one. As soon as you receive same, please write to him. I am sorry to hear that you have not had a good life with your husband. Trust in the Lord. He will help you.

Pastor

Haunted by painful childhood

Dear Pastor,

I am in my twenties and living in the United States of America. I am also a Christian. I attend a very large Bible-believing church. I am praying that God would keep me from falling away. I trust God with all my heart. I would like to become a doctor.

I had a very painful childhood. When I was 12 years-old I was sexually abused many times by a man who was about 35 years-old and weighing 240 pounds. This man was the son of the lady with whom I was living. He had keys to the apartment, so he came there at any time. I never reported the crime. I was scared.

A few months after I went to live with my father, one of my brothers came to live with us. When I was 16 years-old, he fondled me - grabbed my breasts, then he forced his elbow in my throat, put his finger in my vagina and sucked my breasts. I fought him off, ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

I used to cook for everybody in the family. The brother who fondled me got married. I prayed that he would not do to his children what he did to me. I couldn't tell my relatives what he did to me. They can't be trusted. I spoke to two psychiatrists, but they are far away. I communicated with them through letters. I need more counselling.

I do not wish to get married after suffering sexual abuse. I cannot trust men in that way. I lost my virginity at age 12 by carnal abuse. I do not feel pure. I have never had a boyfriend, so people think I am a virgin. Sometimes when I am walking on the street, guys smile at me and I do not pay them any mind. I am not looking for a man. I know God wants me to forgive all those who have hurt me. I get comfort and love from the Lord.

I told a lady at my church that I do not want to get married. She asked me if I am going to love women. I told her no way. I am happy I did not tell her that I was raped. I do not trust her. I put my trust in God. I pray for godly and committed Christians to be my friends. I also pray that God will help me to forgive because that is a part of the healing process. Jesus brings healing to me.

My mother knows that I am decent young women. She wants grandchildren. I do not wish to have children. I can't picture myself being in bed with a man. God will have to do a miracle in my life. Trust will have to be built up if it is God's will for me to have a man.

Initials Withheld

Dear...,

I am extremely glad that you know the Lord and that you are endeavouring to walk uprightly. However, I regret hearing that you were sexually abused.

I understand why you do not trust men, and why you think that it would be difficult to relate to men. On the other hand, God is able to help you to overcome the past. You mentioned healing. You understand that to receive total healing, you will have to learn to forgive those who hurt you. God is able to bring that healing to you, but you will have to be willing to allow him to have his way in your life.

I would suggest that you talk to a family counsellor in your area. Perhaps you may prefer to speak to a female. You may feel that a female counsellor may empathize with your problem more than a man.

You have a brother who is grossly immoral. Pray that he comes to know Christ as his Saviour and Lord. May God continue to bless you.

Pastor

Parents driving me crazy

Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old girl and I am living with my mother and stepfather. Both of them are very miserable. My stepfather wants to run my life. He locks me up in the house as if I am a house rat. Both of them do not want me to go anywhere. I hate my stepfather. From the first day I met him, I hated him.

My mother has two children and she prefers my brother. My father would let me go out with my friends. He used to just tell me what time to come in, but with my mother, I cannot stay out longer than 7:00 p.m. Even if I am standing outside the gate, she makes a big fuss. I am lonely and confused. They are driving me crazy.

My father and mother separated, and from the time that happened, everything changed. If I have to live in this way, I am going to kill myself. I do not know what to do. Please give me your advice.

S.P., St. Catherine

Dear S.P.,

I suggest that you contact your father and tell him that you are very unhappy living with your mother and stepfather, and that you would like him to find another home for you. He may advise you to remain with your mother. From what you said, you seem to want to have much more freedom than your parents are willing to allow you to have.

You do not like your stepfather, so I am sure that you take offence to everything he tells you. You said in your letter that he wants to run your life. I doubt very much that you respect the man. He knows that you do not like him. To him, you are fresh and out of order. He may even make life more difficult for you. Perhaps if you change your attitude towards him, he would react to you differently. Why don't you try to be respectful?

I repeat, talk to your father about your problem.

Pastor

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