Filthy lies straining relationship

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years-old and someone told a big dirty lie on me.

The person told my boyfriend that I had sex with another man and I bled up the sheet on the bed. I swore on the Bible that nothing like that went on. I did not go to any man's house.

My boyfriend had promised me $300, and instead of giving me the $300, he gave me $9000. I do not sell my body to any man. I used to suffer before I met my boyfriend. Before I met my boyfriend I used to have to beg money to send my children to school. I was not working but I stopped begging for money when I met my boyfriend. I would never bring shame on him by going to another man's house.

My boyfriend told me he is going to leave me because of what they said I did. He said it is his friend who told him what I did. I begged him to stay with me. He said that he is ashamed of me. He said what would people think of him knowing that I have another man. I wonder who is trying to break up my relationship.

I want back my boyfriend. He is special to me. He is the first man who has ever taken care of me by giving me so much money. No man has ever given me $2000 at any time, not even my children's father. He shows me love, but now he is confused. I have never felt such love in my life. Now I am crying every day. My boyfriend treats me as a wife. Whoever lied on me is wicked.

Please pray for me. I know some females tell lies. I keep asking God what have I done to deserve what has happened to me. My boyfriend is thinking of giving me another chance. I am waiting for your advice.

K.B., Manchester

Dear K.B.,

I am glad you took time to write and I want to tell you that people do tell lies on others. Even some people who claim to be Christians are vicious liars. The older I get, the more I am convinced of that. A liar can destroy another person, especially in a country like Jamaica where people say that if it is not so it goes, it is near so. I am sure you know what I mean.

What I do not want you to do is to try to find out who told the lie. Do not accuse anybody. Do not point fingers. You may be accusing the wrong person.

I am very happy that your boyfriend is willing to come back to you. Undoubtedly, he loves you dearly and he has proven it by taking care of you. Perhaps the person who lied on you is jealous and is willing to do anything to break up the relationship.

Let your boyfriend know whenever you are going out and where you are going. I am not here suggesting that he should limit your freedom. I am only saying that you should use common sense. When he knows where you are going, he would be able to defend you if anyone should lie on you again.

The Lord bless you, my dear. Take care of yourself. Put your life in the hands of God. Pray always and make sure you go to church. Pastor

Am I doomed to share him or will he commit?

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 11 months. When we met he told me that he had a woman but we fell in love and started a relationship. I got pregnant for him but I had a miscarriage. He was there for me in every way. We cried together and comforted each other.

He does not live with his woman friend, nor does he live with me. But he sleeps with me every night and goes to work in the mornings. He comes back in the day, goes away in the evening and returns in the night. That is his routine every day. He does not discuss his woman friend with me. I wonder when and how he finds time for her. I do not ask him about her and I do not nag him about her. Whatever he is doing, he is on his own. He is 38 years-old, handsome, very gentle, caring, but he does not have any children. I love him very much.

We are trying to have a child. The first pregnancy was not planned. He opened an account in both our names. He said if it is God's will for us to have a child, the money in the account will be for the child. Once I asked him if he would marry me and he said yes. I cook and wash for him. The other woman does not do that. He takes care of me financially. I am not really depending on him because I am an independent woman.

He took me to meet his relatives. They like me and my relatives like him. When his father died he took me to the funeral, but he did not take the other woman. Some people may ask what is my problem. I can't pretend that this woman does not exist, and as I said, she was before me.

I need your honest opinion. Do you think I have a future with this man? Will he stay with her or with me? Or will he continue to have both of us?

S.B., Kingston

Dear S.B.,

It would seem to me that you have taken charge. You knew that he was involved with another woman, but you did not care. Am I right in saying that you have something over the other woman? What is it? What is it that you are doing that she does not do?

You say that both of you are not living together. How can I believe you? He is sleeping with you every night. You are cooking for him and washing his clothes. If that is not living with a man, tell me what is? What does he have to do to live with you? A person is living where he sleeps every night. What would make you happy is when this man stops visiting the other woman. She is your big problem, but it is a problem you have created for yourself because of greed.

You will not be able to convince me that you do not love this man's money. You want two things. The man and his money. That is why you would agree for him to impregnate you again. I do not know whether he would leave his other woman. What I do know is that if you were to nag him about her, he will remind you that you knew that he had her before you.

Pastor

Looking for my daughter

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem I would like you to help me solve. I gave birth to a baby girl when I was 13 years-old. Her grandmother took her away from me, and I have never seen her again.

My daughter's name is Narda Natalee Hoffstead. She was born in the Falmouth Hospital on June 25, 1976. Her father's name is Asley Hoffstead. My name is Jacqueline Smith. We were both living in Crawle, Trelawny at that time. Her grandmother's name is Evelyn Griffiths.

Jacqueline Smith,

St. Mary

Dear Jacqueline,

I pray that God will help you to find your daughter. I am sure you think about her all the time and wonder if you will ever see her again. I must ask those who know of her whereabouts to contact me as soon as possible. I will let you know whether or not I have news for you.

Pastor

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