Don't want no more 'bun'!

Dear Pastor,

About eight years ago I met a girl and we started living together. She got a job. After she started working, I noticed that she changed. I couldn't talk to her anymore and she started staying out late.

I hired a private investigator because I wanted to find out if she was keeping another man with me. And the private investigator told me that she had another man. That is exactly what I thought was happening. So we broke up.

I have another girlfriend now, but I find that it is hard for me to trust her. She is not keeping any man with me. I know that for sure. I would like to get married, but I am afraid. How can I really know that she will never keep another man with me?

Troubled Brother,

St. James

Dear Troubled Brother,

You should not cause what your former girlfriend did to you to prevent you from trusting your present girlfriend. Your former girlfriend played around with another man, but your present girlfriend is not doing that. It is therefore wrong to punish her because of what the other girl did to you.

If you cannot trust her, you should end the relationship with her. Would you prefer not to have a woman in your life? You cannot expect to have it both ways. If she is good enough to be your intimate girlfriend, she is good enough to be your wife.

I suggest therefore that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor. You have never gotten over what your former girlfriend did to you. You have not forgiven her either. You are still feeling the hurt. Therefore, you need counselling. In any event, you would also need to go through premarital counselling before you get married.

I hope you do not give your present girlfriend the impression that she cannot be trusted. Deal with your problem.

Your girlfriend is not the problem. You are the problem.

Although one can never predict what will happen in a relationship, one can pray and ask God to keep the union together and make it strong and healthy.

Pastor

Christian seeks mate to fill lonely life

Dear Pastor,

I am writing this letter for you to assist me in finding someone suitable for me to spend the rest of my life with. I am 33 years 'young'. I am a Holy Ghost-filled Christian. I am also the most beautiful woman on the planet. Although I am not financially secure, I am able to help myself. I am honest, fun loving, church going, responsible and I believe in the whole truth.

The man I would love to have should be 34 years-old and over. He should be responsible, honest, fun loving, holy, and he should believe that his first priority is to his family. He does not have to be rich because we can work together.

I do not want anybody who is a player to write to me. I would also prefer a foreigner.

S.J., St. Ann

Dear S.J.,

You have certainly talked up yourself. I do hope that you are indeed a very good Christian woman. There are many men who are looking for genuine women. Perhaps you may find your husband through this medium.

Pastor

Loser gambler

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. I am living with a man for many years and we have children. When I first met him he told me that he did not have any children and he did not have any woman. I believed him because I did not see any sign that he had a woman living at his house. I started going to his house regularly and I used to stay over sometimes. Then he got me pregnant, and my father told me that I could not stay at his house. My parents are Christians. I went to live with my boyfriend.

One Sunday morning I got up and started to make breakfast and a lady came to the house with two children and called to him. She told him she was leaving the children because she was not seeing him and he is not supporting them. I was so shocked. The woman turned away and I called her back. She told me that it is months now she has not seen him, and she called him at his work place and every day he was promising to visit her and bring money for the children.

She said that she heard about me and she did not feel any way. She did not come to make fuss with me, but she cannot manage the children. I took her back to the house and my boyfriend started to curse expletives. He told her to get out, but I told her not to leave. The girl told me everything. The first time he got her pregnant she was going to school, and he gave her money to do an abortion but she did not do the abortion. She got pregnant, for him again. She also told me that he has another child with her friend.

I gave her some money and I gave the children breakfast. My boyfriend was so ashamed, he left the house and did not come home until late in the night. I have my baby, but I was not getting anything from him. He gambles very hard. I want to leave him. I told him so. He promised to change and he wants us to get married. I do not know what to do.

Please help me to make up my mind.

B.L., St. Catherine

Dear B.L.,

Compulsive gamblers do not change easily. I am not saying that it is impossible for them to change. Such persons need professional help. There are groups in the city of Kingston that meet on a regular basis and try to help each other. These persons are gamblers themselves, but are trying to stop. Perhaps he needs the help of such support groups.

I am sorry to hear that he did not speak the truth when you first met. If he had done so, he would not have felt so embarrassed when his children's mother showed up at his house. He is a liar and a deceiver.

You are a good woman, but now you have a man who has four children. Whether you can live with him as your husband is a decision you must make on your own. Bear in mind however, that you would not get much financial support from him. Whatever he has will have to share with all his children. His wife may have to suck salt for many years to come.

I wish you well. Make sure you are in a position to support yourself at all times. Do not expect much from this man.

Pastor

Teen's breasts slipping away

Dear Pastor,

I am in my teens, but I have a child. Since I had the baby my breasts have dropped. They are not as firm as they used to be. They are big, long and flabby. I am not fat, it is only my breasts that are fat. I used to have beautiful breasts, but not again.

I try to do all sorts of things to hide them, but my brassiere is of no use. I also have stretch marks on my breasts.

Please give me your advice.

Initials and Parish Withheld,

Dear --,

You can receive help. A plastic surgeon can help you, but such surgery is expensive. You may have to wait until you are financially able to pay the doctor.

Please do not be discouraged. When you go to your doctor, let him or her advise you on what type of brassiere you should wear. Perhaps you can take a registered nurse (who has children) into your confidence and ask her for some advice.

Pastor

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