Tony Hendriks, contributorTapper Zukie first coined the phrase "Lighting up a Chalice inna Buckingham Palace" back in the 1970's and many others have uttered the immortal words since then.
But news of this lyrical conjecture becoming a reality was so startling it had me cranking up the volume on my car radio and shushing my passengers so the reporter could reveal Prince Harry smoked cannabis.
Unfortunately he didn't actually do it in Buckingham Palace. It took place at the more appropriately named Highgrove. But it was only a matter of time before Harry started by drinking and smoking pot. He's English!
Let's face it, even though he's under age no landlord is going to chuck the third in line to the throne out of his pub! A hostelry can make a lot of money from tourists, royal spotters and constabulary. Yes, the police are now very interested in this pub that serves underage drinkers. That's good for business too. We all know if the police frequent a bar it does even better.
Anyway one thing led to another and after one session, Harry led a few lads back to Highgrove. He wasn't the only man of substance there and they got a royal buzz on.
But it's not just the pub whose business will increase. Suppliers whose goods are used by royals are usually allowed to brandish the royal endorsement: "By Appointment"
So whoever dealt Harry the dope, hash, herb or skunk can now put a sign above his street corner and on all his little plastic bags boasting: PUSHER BY APPOINTMENT TO THE ROYAL HOUSEHOLD.
Think of the huge increase in business. It'd be like selling gear in a Harrods bag, everybody wants some. I'm surprised Fayed didn't think of it first, he had his claws into the mother, but let's not go there. (He'd use camels rather than mules).
But whoever is the dealer, imagine the traffic on his corner.
DRIVER: Hey man, got any good weed?
DEALER: Wha do you? This is the Crown Jewels of herb. Never mind Harry Pot head, this is Lord of the Smoke Rings even Osama bin smoking this, that's why he's been hiding for over a month.
This also levels the polo field in matchmaking terms. Usually eligible royals are earmarked for matrimony to other bluebloods in Europe's royal family circle.
A marriage is arranged enabling them to maintain the ancient royal tradition, frowned on in all other levels of society, of incest, but Harry is now a perfect match for Jenna Bush or her twin sister Barbara.
The boozy Bush babes are from good stock, on their mother's side, and as long as they don't choke on too many pretzels at Club H, Harry could break with tradition completely and marry both of them for a real southern family affair.
Joking aside, we should give plenty of credit to the young Prince. He could have taken the approach many youngsters do when confronted by a parent, denied it saying, "We did not inhale."
But he knows there's no smoke without fire and confessed to his father Prince Charles, (who had himself 'bruk out' as a youth, escaped from boarding school, gone to a pub and got drunk on cherry brandy, phew what a rebel!), that he'd done the deed and smoked the weed.
Instead he paraphrased George Washington: "Father, we cannot tell a lie. We got red (or redder) as a double-decker bus, high as Nelson's Column, in fact we got so irie, we kicked back, listened to I'm Just A Teenage Dirt Bag Baby, ate three KFC meal deals, four pizzas, 10 chocolate milkshakes and a partridge in a pear tree."
Credit where it's due, Prince Charles actually set an excellent example for parents whose children experiment with drugs.
He arranged a visit for his son to a rehabilitation centre where he met heroin and crack addicts who brought him up to speed on the slippery slope of addiction, enough to scare the crap out of most people.
Although they may have assured Harry that the road to addiction meanders through the Garden of Ganja it doesn't always start there. However if you find yourself floating in Ecstasy or an ocean of alcohol, the slow motion heroin heaven, things won't go better with coke and you might come unstuck on glue. A few recover; but most don't!
Amazingly, it's quite a public relations coup. Not since Harry's mother, Princess Diana, as a member of the royal family been seen as such a regular human being.
Across class, race and religion all the young dudes now feel an affinity for the fallible young prince.
He's found his grass roots. Maybe he should consider changing his title from Prince to Ras Harry.
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com.
