Tony Hendriks, Contributor
THE teacher, accused of acting inappropriately with youths at her school, went to trial and was acquitted.
What I'd like to know is, how come we never had a teacher like that at my school? That's a schoolboy fantasy come true!
In fact, that's exactly what it must have been if she got off, off the charge I mean, a fantasy made up by the boys.
Still there's no smoke without fire. I bet she was undressing students with her eyes even if she didn't have sex with her pupils. Still no matter which way you look at it, she's not going down.
The first teacher to inspire me in that way was a PE teacher at St. Andrew's High School. She was hot but there was never any chance that anything would happen. She worked with my mother, she was a very decent girl and I was only nine years old. With the best will in the world, nothing doing.
Several young female teachers raised my ardour over the years.
Schoolboys have such fertile imaginations and as the early hormones course through our veins, our minds wander and we're transported for trysts, liaisons and the occasional rendezvous.
Games mistresses are fun, lithe and well, game, but it's language teachers who raise our pulse the most.
It's because we think "if they're foreign they must do it with a foreign tongue".
Pert teacher
The girl who got off wasn't the first, it happens all the time but can you imagine what it must be like to be in one such class.
As she jauntily walks into the classroom the young, pert teacher smiles and offers a cheery, "Good morning boys."
The assembled pheromones respond in chorus, "Good morning Miss Legg-O'Beast."
She plops her satchel on the desk and rummages. "All right class, who can remember the Latin words and phrases we were learning yesterday?"
Willy, a little squirt of a boy flicks his fingers, vying for Miss's attention.
She ignores him, looks over his head at a tall, well-built boy, advanced in his development for his years, sitting at the back of the class. "Ron Jeremy Jr., can you tell me?"
Ron Jr. has his head down, concentrating on his lap, his Game Boy between the two supple thumbs of his lean hands.
He looks up from hooded eyes and barely moving shakes his head from side to side, just once, to signify "no".
Unable to contain himself Willy blurts out, "Was it felatio Miss?"
"No, Willy, that was the day before." Disappointed Miss continues.
"Johnny Holmes. Can you tell us?" Johnny stares out of the window at some other boys he considers lucky to be kicking ball when he has to endure this lesson.
After a moments silence Johnny realises he's being spoken to. "Miss?"
She repeats the question in a more forgiving tone than Willy gets. "Do you remember the Latin words we were practicing when the bell stopped us in the middle yesterday?
Johnny Holmes gazes into space and answers. "Coitus interruptus Miss?"
"No that wasn't it." Turning to rub the blackboard with exaggerated gusto Miss chides, "Surely one of you can remember."
Willy matches his teacher's vigour and enthusiasm and whips his fingers till they hurt. "Miss, miss, miss! I know miss. Miss, please miss, me miss." Miss sighs and looks around at Willy, "Yes Willy, what is it?"
"Infalgrante dilecto miss?" chimes Willy beaming from ear to ear. "Wrong again Willy."
Willy screws up his face and thinks even harder, "It's on the tip of my tongue you know Miss, I'm just not a cunning linguist like you."
Miss smiles at Willy, "Very good Willy, that was close but I'm disappointed in the rest of you Four X. Obviously the only way to get this into your heads once and for all is to forget the theory and do the practical all over again."
The boys stand immediately and give Miss Legg-O'Beast an approving hand.
It's funny how so many words associated with sex are either Latin or a close derivative, as if that gives them more gravitas.
Fidelity is one of them. I was unfaithful once. I caught an STD. It was just as if the Lord was telling me, "Beware!" I'll never do it again. Even now I feel guilty if I so much as look at another goat.
Tony Hendriks can be reread at www.JamaicanPaleface.com or e-mailed and roundly chastised via JamaicanPaleface@aol.com
