Woman was God's second mistake - Nietzsche
I LOVE A good catfight. Remember the Linda Evans and Joan Collins hair-pulling, nail-scratching, thigh-exposing fights on the '80s soap, Dynasty? I got a real charge out of watching those fights during my sex-starved early adolescence, especially one famous one that ended up in a lily pond.
Catfights are VERY sexy. All curves, angles, legs and hairspray flying. It doesn't get much better than that. And even now, I like nothing better than to watch some female oil wrestling or the big-breasted babes of the WWF go at it in the ring. Recently, there was a brawl of the same ilk which caused the suspension of several classes at the Management Institute for National Development (MIND). According to news reports, the brawl was witnessed by more than 200 persons, and was sparked after one attacked the other with a dining fork. It is still unclear how one of the young ladies just happened to mistake the other for a Meal Deal.
Anyway, the babe brawl eventually disturbed the classes of Senator Anthony Johnson when one young 'lady' began diligently slamming the head of the other into a partition that forms the wall of the classroom. I would have paid half of my month's salary (not a princely sum by any stretch of the imagination) to have seen this. It must have been a fight to remember. It should have been on Pay-Per-View.
But the whole episode got me thinking: hey, whatever happened to all the 'ladies' that my mother had told me about while I was growing up?
I mentioned this concern to an older lady friend of mine who surprised me by saying get this 'I don't automatically believe that women are ladies any longer. I just classify all of them as females, the feminine gender, and once I get to know them, I can further reclassify them as ladies, skettels or otherwise.' I know you may hate me for it, but I think she may be on to something.
After all, today's women are just men with breasts (and some other stuff)...well, technically. Today's females are high on girl power, the concept of equality and the thrill of abandoning traditional female roles. A lot of them have become mercenary, and moral-less creatures who masquerade behind long legs and a pretty smile.
It manifests itself on the roads of Jamaica as well. I used to think that the saying 'that female drivers don't give blie pon the road' was just some sexist rhetoric. However, since the start of the year, only one woman has given me a 'blie' on the road. Maybe it's not a sexist myth after all.
But what is a lady anyways? Can you define one?
Is it a woman who will not stab you, or throw hot water on your penis, once she finds out you have been messing with her best friend? Is it a woman who will not 'beat a gal' because she has slept with her man, or who will not give away your 'sugar' to someone else? Is it a woman who will stand by her man even though he will never be able to give her all the riches and baubles her heart desires?
Is it a woman who will not leave you and take all the furniture, even the shower curtains, leaving behind a lint ball and half-a-tic-tac? (did I just share too much?)
I don't know. Maybe it's just a matter of perception. After all, one man's lady is another man's skettel. And when it comes to treachery, women have cornered the market. As a young man, you have to be careful to fall into a woman's embrace without falling into her HANDS. That would not be wise, just look how many men are stark raving mad on the streets of Kingston. How do you think they got there? What my friends and I have discovered is that a good lady the ones our mothers told us about is really hard to find. Is there a lady in the house?
Anywhere?
Claude Mills
You can e-mail me at cmillsy@yahoo.com
