Tony DeyalIF I had money I would be in Barbados today watching cricket. If I had a lot of money, I would buy my own plane, fly to Barbados, and watch cricket. And if I had lots and lots of money I would live in Barbados and be part of the permanent flying-fish and cou-cou posse. In all the places in the world that I have lived, including Trinidad, Barbados is the best, once you can afford it.
It is like the old joke about how to become a millionaire. First you become a billionaire and then you buy an airline. In my case, it is even simpler. Become a billionaire and then move to Barbados. Maybe I am exaggerating somewhat about the cost of living in Barbados. I am telling the plain truth, however, in declaring my love for that country. I lived there happily for many years and left there reluctantly.
Leaving Barbados was a dilemma. It was like the young man who has complimented his girlfriend to the point where she has become conceited. If he stops, she would think he no longer loves her. If he continues, she would begin to believe she is too good for him. Or like Mr. Brown whose two sons had gone to university, one graduating as a doctor and the other as a lawyer.
"You must be very proud," one of his friends said. "Yes and no," said Mr. Brown. "Right now it looks as if it might break up the family." His friend was aghast. "Yes," said Mr. Brown, shaking his head sadly. He explained, "A few weeks ago I got hit by a car. My son, the doctor, wants to cure me but my son, the lawyer, wants me to act crippled so he can sue for damages."
I take consolation in the fact that regardless of how tough things seem to me, there are always people faced with an even greater dilemma. One of these was a man, Samuel Bowen, who was charged with larceny and whose lawyer agreed to put him on the witness stand in his own defence. The Judge cautioned, "You know what will happen if you tell a lie, don't you?" "Yes, Sir," answered Bowen quietly. "I'll go to hell and burn forever." "Quite right," agreed the Judge, adding, "And do you know what will happen to you if you tell the truth?" "I sure do, Your Honour," Bowen responded unhappily. "I'll lose the case and go to prison."
I didn't go to prison. Instead, I did something far worse. I returned to Trinidad. In returning, I feel like a Bangladeshi family I read about in last week's newspapers. They saw two snakes in their house, called in a snake charmer to get rid of the two snakes, and he found over 3,500 deadly cobras plus hundreds of eggs in their flooring. You make a decision, look at the downside, see a few problems and then realise that it is so far downside that regardless of what you do you cannot help but land on your posterior. Worse, you have to keep smiling and try again.
This, in fact, is what the West Indies team is finally doing in, appropriately enough, Barbados. The last time West Indies beat India at Kensington I was in the Garfield Sobers Stand cheering, shouting and celebrating. One of my Cuban friends kept eyeing a Trinidadian flag-woman and behaving like the men in the wild west town of Tombstone when they got a new female sheriff. Every man in town was dying to get on her posse. Today, I understand, that consequent upon his reaching his 33rd birthday, and at the end of the day's play, Brian Lara went over to the Trinidad Posse stand at the Kensington Oval and mingled with the many inebriated patrons. I suppose, for Brian, happiness is a tight posse.
For me, happiness would be to return to Barbados during this cricket match. One reason is that I cannot stand the radio commentators. One of them said last week, "Hooper bats well with a tail." Another does not know the difference between 'affect' and 'effect' and spoke about the wicket-keeper not being able to "affect" a stumping. A third seems to be affected by both speech and memory afflictions. And the fourth, Mr. Colin Croft, seems to have been affected by a problem that might be termed 'boycottitis,' effecting his own ejection from his marital home for physical abuse. In his prime, Mr. Croft was a fearsome fast bowler for the West Indies. Now, in his late years, Mr. Croft seems to have become a feared batterer.
'CURRY DOOR OF UNCERTAINTY'
By being in Barbados watching the game live, I would also avoid Mr. Geoff Boycott who seems to be the patch of blue in Sky Television, the company covering the game on television. Mr. Boycott's contribution to the game is his use of the phrase "corridor of uncertainty." What the Indians have our batsmen nibbling at is a 'curry door of uncertainty' that is more an exit than an entrance. In Barbados, I can also read Tony Cozier's column. The inability to read Cozier's column, the best cricket-writing in the world, is something that affects all Trinidadians unless they can effect an Internet connection to The Nation.
In Barbados, I would also get a chance to speak to Wes Hall, the new president of the West Indies Cricket Board. Initially, I had some doubts about how effective Wes would be as the president. Now, I think putting Wes in charge is a Hall of a good idea. While knowledgeable about management, Wes is the greatest salesman we have. He can sell a fridge to an Eskimo. It is this ability, as well as his deep sincerity and passion about the game, that has caused West Indians to have greater faith in the team, and the team to have greater faith in themselves, as they demonstrated on Thursday, the first day of the present game.
In this, Wes reminds me of a Barbadian real-estate salesman I heard about. He was trying to sell a house on Batsheba Beach to a foreigner. However, when the man saw all the screens on the doors and windows of the house, he asked suspiciously, "Are there many mosquitoes here?" "None at all," the Barbadian said reassuringly. "You know they call Barbados the Land of the Flying Fish. Well, we have so many that we have to put up those screens to keep the flying fish from getting into your house."
Tony Deyal was last seen watching television with a friend who described Geoff Boycott as a "pain in the neck". Unfortunately, Tony has a much lower opinion of the gentleman.
