Five-year-old Carell plays with her father's face as he speaks to her
Nashauna Drummond, Freelance Reprter
IT SEEMS to be becoming an international trend. For varying reasons men are being left with the responsibility of raising their children. These single fathers take on the role of daddy, mommy, confidante, friend and breadwinner.
The 2000 Social and Economic Survey quotes a survey conducted in Jamaica which found that among children in the age range 0-14, 6.0 per cent live with their fathers alone.
In the United States, the 2000 census found:
In 2.2 million households, fathers raise their children without a mother. That's about one household in 45.
The number of single-father households rose 62 per cent in 10 years.
The portion of households
headed by single fathers with children living there doubled in a decade, to 2 per cent.
Interesting statistics.
The 1990s gave rise to a new consciousnees among men in relation to their role and responsibility to their children.
Many men are now playing active roles in their children's lives nurturing, passing on values and becoming a physical presence.
Slowly but surely the stereotype that men are only sperm donors is changing. While the percentage is small, men are now consciously opting to raise their children alone, and from all indications are meeting the challenges, liking it and doing a fine job too.
This week Outlook focuses on fathers and celebrate those extraordinary men who are both fathers and mothers to their children.
Being a single Dad
THIRTY-SEVEN year-old Conrad Wiggan, has been a father and mother to his two daughters, Carell, five, and Chayanne, four, since they were born. "I was so eager to see my child," he said when he found out their mother was pregant. Unfortunately the relationship with their mother did not work.
His two daughters who are living with him take up most of his time. He has to be up from 6 in the morning, give his girls a bath, fix breakfast, comb their hair and then take them to school before 8 a.m. Any businees he has to do is done while the girls are in school. "Cut-off time is 2 p.m...four the latest," he said. "When they are sleeping I just lay back and watch them."
Like any new parent the job was difficult at first, "I learnt. I never had a child before...everything was new. I was willing to learn, and I learnt very quickly."
Charles Harvey is a thirty-six-year-old father of three girls. His eldest daughter, who is now fifteen, has been his sole responsiblity for most of her life. He said he has been taking care of her since she was "zero year old". He recalls the very first day as a father as very hard but he got advice from his mother who lives nearby. The most difficult part of it "was the diapers".
His five-year-old daughter, Kerry, now lives with him and eleven-year-old Ayiesha visits on weekends. Mr. Harvey is
self-employed. He said, "I work on my own time so that my time is flexible to be with my children."
As a single parent the greatest challenge he faces is the community in which he lives. He says he lives in a garrison community and there a lot of negative peer pressure that affects teenagers, especially girls, as it relates to teenage pregnancy. "But she understands, we are like brother and sisters," he boasts.
Single fathers contend that they do a better job at parenting than some women. They say that women take it for granted that by virtue of being a mother they have these innate abilities to be the loving, nuturing being that a child needs. For men parenting is a skill that they have to learn and they accept this more readily than women. Mr. Wiggan says that some women are child bearers because, like some men, they do not take responsibility for their children. Charles maintains that fathers who are responsible develop a trusting relationship with their children and that is very important. Men learn that they have to be a model for their children.
Pervin Francis, programmes co-ordinator at Fathers Incorporated said, "Single fathers are very proud. They revel in the role." Fathers Inc. started in 1991 out of a workshop in which men felt they were unfairly stereotyped by women and society. Mr. Francis says that the organisation, "promote good fathers."
This group of fathers meet monthly to share problems and tips on parenting. Wiggan, Harvey and Davidson are all members of Fathers Inc., which they claim has helped them in learning some parenting skills. Mr. Wiggan said, "Sometimes it is very stressful and then you realise that you are not alone; there are people in similar situations."
Mr. Francis says that since the early '90s more attention is being placed on fathers and fathers are now more aware and understand their roles better. He believes that men are sometimes misunderstood. "It's a cultural phenomenon in Jamaica that the man's only duty to the child is to provide financially if they don't, they are pressured. If they can't provide financially they are seen as worthless.
"The difficulty develops with expectations of women and the man's ability to fill these obligations." He says affection is necessary and having a close relationship with your child is very important. He advises fathers, especially single fathers, to "talk to your child. Let them talk to you. They need information." This information, he says, is best given by the parent rather the child's peers.
