Patricia Watson, Senior Staff Reporter
THIS FATHER'S Day will be bittersweet for many men living with HIV in Jamaica. Many may regret they never fathered children before the disease struck and those with children, especially single fathers, face the harsh reality of juggling fatherhood and HIV.
Gary Brooks is the father of four children whom he loves dearly. His eyes come alive when he talks about them, a smile ever lurking at the corners of his mouth. These same eyes, however, turn brooding when he tells of the impact his illness has on his children, two of whom are aware of and suffer because of his status.
"I have one boy and three girls, two of them the boy and one of the girls are 13 years old. They are like three months apart. It is kinda funny that both are 13 years old. I had an outside relationship and a third party was involved in the relationship too, so really much attention was not paid to the boy until he was about 11 years old. It so happened that both my daughter and he ended up in the same classroom. They had the same last name and questions were asked and somehow their dad ended up having the same last name. It was then that I really took him under my wings, because his mother had already died of AIDS."
The other girls are eight and five, respectively, and none of them is HIV positive. Mr. Brooks learnt of his HIV status in 1999. He spoke glowingly about his daughter who passed her GSAT last year and is now at high school. But although he is happy about her achievements, he feels sad that he is not able to provide the financial and emotional support she needs.
"It is not easy, especially because I don't have a job. I have a mother who supports me as best she can and also two of the kids. I am multi-talented, I can do a little painting, a little tiling and so forth, so these are the things I do at times to really help out to buy books and so forth.
"What HIV has done to me is put me in a situation where at times when there is no work, I have to beg. It is not something I like to do, but when my mother tells me there is no food in the house for the kids, you really have to put aside your pride and do things you never thought of doing. So when there is no work, I sort of beg a few people and at times, things don't really work out. When this happens, it sort of put you in this situation where you seriously consider ending it there, rather than going home to face hungry children," he stated, unshed tears glistening in his eyes.
A recent study on Orphans and Children made vulnerable by HIV/AIDS done by Hope Ramsay and Mark Loudon found that 50,000 persons are already earmarked to be orphans. These are children who are affected by or infected with HIV. The study further pointed out that extended families who have to take on the role of major caregivers are finding it increasingly difficult to absorb extra children (poverty, already caring for 'shifted children', stigma attached to HIV/AIDS...)
Mr. Brooks explained that as a father, he feels inefficient when he cannot send his children to school fairs as he just cannot afford it.
"My children do not live the lives of normal kids, because when I have to think of food and medication, sometimes really I have to juggle around the income and decide whether to buy a simple pain killer or buy food. That is a choice that is really hard because sometimes I am in pain and yet my child is hungry," he said.
And as if that were not bad enough, he has to watch his children suffer from the stigma and discrimination surrounding the disease.
"My daughter when she goes to school is jeered. They tell her 'go whey gal yu father have AIDS'. She comes home crying a lot of times and she would tell me everything the children would say and I can't even give her a proper response. I ask her to cope, but to tell you the truth, I don't think I really give her any proper answers when she comes home. I know of help she could get through various organisations, but as her father, I know what it would do to her. As much as she is having problem, I know if I send her to a psychologist, it will just stress her out."
Although she has not yet completed first form at her new school, he said his daughter wants to be transferred to another school where no one knows her or that her father is HIV positive.
"She is begging me, but I fear that if I transfer, she will have the same problems. It is not easy. What can you tell your child who comes home crying because somebody curses her, that her father has AIDS? I really would like somebody to tell me," Mr. Brooks said.
Ramsay and Loudon found that stigma, which is based in ignorance, makes life difficult for all involved and prevents many people from accessing existing services. They also noted that stigma is often propagated in schools, clinics and children's homes by persons who ought to know better.
As it concerns his teenage son, Mr. Brooks said he handles his HIV status better than his sister does as his mother died from AIDS. He explained though that his son suffers, as he knows he will eventually lose his next parent to AIDS. This, he says, is evident in his son's performance at school.
"When I talk to him, he tells me 'Daddy, you are not in a position to talk to me,'" Mr. Brooks.
The eight-year-old girl does not know his status and according to Mr. Brooks, she is not ready to handle that.
"The community where she lives and the school where she goes to, the stigma is very high. You will hear her saying things like one day she said she was going to lunch with her friends and one of the little girls in the group said, she 'naw buy inna da shop deh because the lady have AIDS and mi nuh waan ketch it'. And you hear all this, but the problem is that she gets all this from her peers. So I don't think she is ready for that yet."
Preparing for death?
As any loving father, Mr. Brooks said he would like to stay as long as he possibly can to see his children mature. He is sorry for the way the disease has affected them, but does not think he should be preparing for death.
"I do have furniture and an old car. I have not really made a will I've thought about it but to me making a will is like giving up and telling myself my life is shortened and I try not to go there.
"I would just like positive fathers to keep a positive mind and hope that things will turn around. Be good role models for your children, love them and add your voices to the fight against stigma and discrimination."
Name changed to protect privacy
