'Bad for business'
FOR MANY Jamaicans, the Church is where you go when you need spiritual guidance and comfort. It is a place of inspiration, where you can renew your relationship with God: it is the epitome of positiveness, where no matter what your stage in life, you are welcomed: it is a place where the sick, needy, handicapped, rich and poor are like one big caring family: it is somewhere you can lay down your burden and wax in the love of your fellow brethren.
This is how Jasmine Winters, a steadfast Christian, saw her church for years. The members were like family to her and there was no better shepherd than the pastor. She knew that if anything went wrong, the church would always be there for them. It came as a shock therefore that when Jewel Winters, her niece, found out in February that she was HIV positive, the church did not rally around the family, offering the support that was needed.
"My Pastor was the first person I told. When I got the results, he was the first person I told about it and up until now, he has never picked up the phone and called me and say Jewel or Jasmine, how are you, how are you dealing with it? He has never even come here to pray," Mrs. Winters stated recently.
Mrs. Winters who nurtured her niece from birth, explained to Outlook how the church she loved practically turned its back on her niece, who she considers more like a daughter.
"If it were the Roman Catholic, we would have to hide because they would have been here every minute of the day to pray with the family. I decided I was not going back to church, and he (the pastor) called (only) to say he heard I was not coming back."
Speaking with her niece, Jewel, it is difficult to fathom why the church reacted the way it did, as her strong spiritual beliefs were evident in each word she uttered. She turned 23 last week and noted that she wasn't in the church at the time she learnt of her status, but had decided to recommit only a few weeks prior.
"I got baptised at age 12. Maybe at around 15, 16 years old, I just wanted to go to parties and hang out with my friends. I didn't really have a personal relationship with God; as a matter of fact, Christianity for me was just going to church on Sundays," Jewel explained.
To the dismay of her church, Jewel sees HIV as a blessing.
"I don't see HIV as punishment from God, I do believe He allowed it to happen, He could have stopped it, but He allowed it for a reason. In my everyday life, going around and giving talks, it benefits me as much as it benefits the audience. Speaking to young people, I can see that it is a reality check for them. I see HIV as a blessing - given the grace that God has given me, a lot of people would have committed suicide," she confided.
For both Jewel and Mrs. Winters, it has been an uphill battle convincing their church to open their hearts to a fellow Christian family in need of solace. This is extremely difficult as since 2000, Mrs. Winters headed an outreach group in the church, which worked with HIV positive persons at The Lord's Place in downtown Kingston. The group with the backing of the minister and other senior members of the church, ministered to those at the hospice. Each of the members of the group adopted a member of the hospice and each week would bathe, feed and provide comfort and friendship to these people, many times shunned by relatives and friends. The group received commendation from the church for the work they were doing among the HIV positive people at The Lord's Place, but the same loving kindness was withheld from their own.
"We were the first set from the church to get close with anyone with HIV. I really believe I was led. You know when I learnt that Jewel was HIV positive, I was upset with the Lord at first, I was really upset and scared. I got so depressed that I used to lock myself in my room but afterwards, I realised that the Lord really was preparing me. I said, 'Lord, you are really supreme, because if I had not been to the Lord's Place, I probably would have pulled out every hair from my head by now'.
"To be honest with you, down by the Lord's Place, nobody was afraid to lay hands on anyone or to touch them, because we believed that God is big, He is mighty and He is powerful. We weren't scared, but I know a lot of persons at the church were. When it came to my house now, my dear - the pastor told me not to say anything about it and that I should take her to the Lord's Place," Mrs. Winters explained.
Being involved in the hospitality business, Mrs. Winters said the pastor along with other members of the church encouraged her that "it wouldn't be a good idea for her to keep Jewel at home as it would be bad for her business".
"The sort of things these people tell me, some of them I can't even repeat. I don't tell her a lot of these things because as a Christian, I can't afford for her to backslide. Right now she needs to stay focused on the Lord. The problem is that a lot of them don't know about the disease," Mrs. Winters noted.
"As a Christian, I feel very bad. You expect to get support, you can't tell me that as a Christian you are afraid to lay your hands on somebody," Mrs. Winters told Outlook.
"To be honest, if I came across somebody with leprosy, I would touch them. I said to my pastor, I am not worried about my life, it is not all about me, it is about God. I said to him, God set the first example when he sent his only Son Jesus Christ to die for us. Love, that is love. When I send her to the Lord's Place, what message would I be sending to her? Right there and then she would have denounced her faith. She would then probably die.
"How can you send us off with your blessing to work with those at The Lord's Place and know that you have one in your midst and none of you want to have anything to do with her. I am really, really disappointed. I told Pastor that if she had died, I would have to find someone else to do her funeral, I couldn't ask him to do it. If she has HIV and none of you want to pay her any mind, I couldn't ask you to bury her. I tell you, he is a good man, a good pastor, but I don't really like how he is dealing with this."
Being part of a dance group at her church, Mrs. Winters said she has got a lot of support from the group. The members of the group, she explained, have been a tower of strength. They pray with her and have really rallied around her, but the vast majority are still in the dark about HIV. The family has also got much needed help from a member of the family who is a Pastor himself as well as an elder and his wife at the church they attend.
"If you hear of a person with a terminal illness, what is the first thing you do? You try to reach out to the person, but you have people saying this and that. I met and explained the situation to them (at church) and some of them apologised and admitted they did not know how to deal with it. But the pastor! What if someone came to him, who is HIV positive and is full of sores and wanted to be baptised, what would he do? It always comes to my mind. Maybe if he goes to a session led by an HIV positive person, he might change.
"My church is very small, 60 - 70 people - I was searching around because I said if I could find a church where I could get the spiritual food I am getting now, I would leave. I am going through my valley now, and Lord, sometimes it's deep and dark, dark, dark and sometimes I feel I am not going to make it and all I ask is support from my brethren. Nothing else, just pray me through it. This is my cross; nobody can carry my cross for me because the Lord knows what I can bear and what others can deal with. He has given me love - Love conquers everything. I am not saying Jewel was a perfect child - Lord have mercy but you know when she came back here and she found out, I was mad at her. I quarrelled with her and she said nothing, the tears just rolled down her cheeks. And you know when I went into my room, it's like the Lord just come and drop a big portion of love - I just felt different about her to the extent that right now, I would probably kill if someone did anything to hurt her."
Despite the Church's reaction, little or nothing was done to prepare the congregation for eventualities such as HIV. Sex education was and is still non-existent. Jewel notes that whenever sex was mentioned in the church setting, nobody really wanted to discuss it.
Like her aunt, she is very disappointed with the church's response to the virus.
"At a time when someone has a terminal disease, you shouldn't be concerned about how things look, but with saving the soul of the individual. What if the person should die tomorrow, the Pastor as a shepherd should really guide and not condemn. I am really ashamed and shocked by some of the responses I got. The church can play a greater role in lessening the stigma.
"The pastor as shepherd, whatever he says is taken as law by some members of the congregation. I remember the pastor telling my aunt that you can get HIV by tears - if he mentions that to congregation, a lot of people will believe it. I think they need to be educated, there is a lot of ignorance about HIV. Right now my aunt is still mad at the church, based on the way the members behaved."
A beautiful young lady, Jewel's deep faith in God is obvious. Her outlook on life itself is positive and she has an infectious smile that can light up any room. She speaks about HIV, not like someone who only found out about her status a few months ago, but like someone who was placed in this world to do just that. She uses every opportunity to show God's graciousness and was happy when she was able to speak to her church, a couple days ago. Since then, she notes that some people have been more receptive to her and her family. She explains that her strength to keep going and not to become depressed by what members of her church or people in general says about her, comes from God.
"During my lowest periods, there was no one to call on but God. I called on Him and He has been working miracles in my life in terms of being just me, building my self-esteem. It is just the Love of God really that keeps me going. For me personally, HIV is a challenge. I believe AIDS is powerful, because we give it power. Right now, HIV has no control over me. HIV is my worst enemy, but it is also my best friend, I've learnt to embrace it."
Name changed on request
