By Tanesha Dyer, Freelance Writer 
WESTERN BUREAU:
"MUMMY, DADDY, I'm pregnant."
Those are words no parent wants to hear from his or her teenage daughter.
Those words signal to parents that the dreams they had for their children are about to be dashed and that their lives are about to be changed forever.
Those words have caused many mothers and fathers to shed tears, endure sleepless nights and lash out in anger and despair.
Monique Williamswho lives with her daughter, husband and grandson in a rural community in St. James heard those words five years ago. The pain and distress she felt that day is as fresh in her mind as if it were yesterday.
She related her story to us, as she gently rocked her grandson who was asleep on her lap.
"The world came down on my shoulders when my daughter got pregnant at age 15. I didn't find out until she was seven months along, but when I did, I cried day and night. I couldn't eat or sleep. The signs were there but I just
didn't see them. Maybe I didn't want to believe that my baby was pregnant. The thought of your child engaging in sex alone incites anger, worse, the news of her expecting a child my pressure went sky high. I just wanted to kill her," Mrs. Williams confesses.
She was determined not to be part of her daughter's life and sent her to stay with her father in Montego Bay.
"I was lost for months because I couldn't seem to get it stuck in my head. The entire neighbourhood was talking; family members condemning and I wanted nothing to do with her. Actually I did not talk to her directly until after the child was born," she said, as she wiped tiny beads of perspiration from her grandson's face.
But that was only the beginning, she was soon to feel the effects of her daughter's pregnancy in her pocket when the alleged father of the child, denied that the baby was his. He only agreed to help when she threatened to take the matter to the police.
However, that ended after the birth of the child when paternity tests confirmed that he was not the father of her grandson.
"At this time I became more furious as I couldn't believe this was happening to her. I had to take care of her and the baby until she got a job, but still she refused to tell me the name of the father," says Mrs. Williams, " I think she doesn't know who got her pregnant, why else would she withhold his name?" she questions.
Despite her anger at her daughter, that hasn't stopped Williams from showering her grandson now five years old, with unconditional love.
"My grandson is really a charm. From the day he was born I fell in love with him. I take him with me everywhere I go. He is the rainbow on my cloudy days," she says
smiling.
Her daughter is now back at home and is trying to get on with her life.
"It is not that I have forgiven her totally but, everyone deserves a second chance. I did not send her back to school because she is now a woman and must find her own way," Mrs. Williams tells Flair.
According to Marge Roper, Information Officer and Counsellor at the National Family Planning Board, parents can never be fully prepared to deal with teenage pregnancy. When a parent learns that their teenage daughter is pregnant, there are initial feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment and this may sometimes lead to rash decisions being made.
"When parents have invested
everything in their children they expect success in return. When they end up with a pregnant teenager instead, "the first thing they often do is to throw the child out of the house," she says.
Ms. Roper also said that some parents live in denial until the baby is born.
This was the case with Mr. and Mrs. Haughton, prominent leaders in a local church. A year ago Mrs. Haughton noticed that her 15-year-old daughter's eating and sleeping patterns were changing and that she was unusually moody.
"I noticed she hardly ate and whenever she did, it was in her room. She slept every chance she got, visited the bathroom at regular intervals and when she came out her eyes were sore," she remembers.
But the Haughtons were positive that their daughter wasn't pregnant. When they eventually took her to the doctor "out of curiosity," they learned that their little girl was going to have a baby in a matter of weeks.
Mr and Mrs. Haughton say they brought up their children in the church and had given them all that they needed this wasn't supposed to happen to them.
Mr. Haughton, who was quiet for most of the interview then, exploded "I was very devastated and angry! You see, we believe in and preach 'No sex before marriage' and what she did was a direct rebellion against our belief. Can you imagine the disgrace?" he shouted.
But, the baby was coming regardless of how they felt and they had to deal with it. Throwing their daughter out on the streets was not an option, as far as they were concerned.
"I couldn't do that to her but in no way have I excused what she has done. I am just trying to be supportive right now," Mr. Haughton says.
Still, their lives have changed forever. Mr. Haughton stepped down as Deacon and choir leader in the church and the father-daughter relationship is destroyed.
"People look at us differently. My husband and my daughter scarcely talk to each other. She behaves as if we are never there. I talk to her about it but not in front of her dad because I know she is scared and I really wish I could help her more," says Mrs. Haughton.
But how do the parents of teenage boys who get young girls pregnant feel? The Richardsonfamily in Westmoreland were shaken six months ago when their 17-year-old son, Jaredwalked in the house with the baby's 18-year old baby 's mother at his side.
"I was shocked. Actually, I am still shocked, " said the mother of four. He took her here a couple times, she never slept over though, and she just came for dinner or so. The idea of them having sex was the last thing on my mind," she says.
The girl's parents had thrown her out of their house with the baby and the onus was now on Jared, the baby's father, to secure accommodation.
Ms. Richardson recalls that her husband was overseas at the time and she wasn't sure what would be the right thing to do.
"I was not happy about the situation, but I couldn't just put them out on the streets either. So mother, father and baby have been living with her and her three other sons. It has changed their lives in many ways.
"Since the baby came he has made such a difference to our home. The family is together and I love my grandson," she beams.
CHRISTIAN VERSUS NON-CHRISTIANS PARENTS
The church is often the place of refuge when trouble strikes. Often Christians and non-Christians alike seek solace there. Trevor Reid, Associate Pastor of the Montego Bay Seventh Day Adventist Church has had to council several Christian parents whose lives have been rocked by their pregnant teenager.
Pastor Reid told Flair that the reaction of Christian parents is different from those who are non-Christians.
"Christian parents are more concerned about protecting their reputation as opposed to the non-Christians. As a result they (Christians) are often quick to condemn, making the community aware, that they are not in agreement with what has happened," Pastor Reid told Flair.
"Some parents tend to feel like failures. They feel dejected," Pastor Reid says. But he advises them not to be hard on themselves.
"Parents need to realise that they are not the only influence on their child's life and must stop believing that they have failed," he points out.
ONCE BITTEN TWICE, SHY
Stacy Josephhas gone through these feelings not once, but twice.
Ms. Josephhas three daughters aged 21, 19 and 8 respectively and three grandchildren. Her 19 year old daughter LaToyagot pregnant at age 15 and had a second child at 18 years old.
"Once bitten: twice shy don't seem to work in dis day and age," Ms. Joseph says.
She was able to forgive LaToya when she got pregnant the first time but the second pregnancy affected her so much that she had to seek counselling every week from her pastor. Tears were streaming down her face throughout the entire interview.
"Mi still can't believe this happen to me twice. I forgave her the first time but the last time I did not have it in me. I was the only person there fi har. She had no father. I scrub dirty clothes for this girl and this is what I get? Two babies?" she asks incredulously.
Ms. Joseph felt she had to do something to make her daughter realise the error of her ways. She told her to pack her things and leave. But even that hasn't stopped the aching in her heart.
"Aah girl, mi cry every night, mi want tek her back but mi don't think she understand what she is doing to me and herself. She is wicked, very wicked to me and har children," she says.
HELP
Ms. Roper believes that putting teenagers out when they are pregnant is not the solution. She says it's a crucial time for a pregnant teenager a time when they need a lot of support, especially from her home.
Psychologist Pamela Haughton believes that parents also need to understand that our environment is intoxicated with sex.
"Parents need to start adapting gradually and start being more supportive of their teenagers. You may not be happy about the situation, but give a helping hand," she said.
N.B.Names have been changed to protect identity.
