EVERYONE HAS basic needs when they are not being met we get a signal in the form of an emotion. Emotion is an organised response system that co-ordinates physiological, perceptual, experiential, cognitive changes into coherent experiences of moods and feelings.
Emotions are the way our bodies talk to us to inform us what it needs to be healthy and happy. They were designed through millions of years of evolutionary refinement to assist us to thrive and survive. If we don't listen to the messages that our emotions are sending us we risk ill-health and death. Our emotions also communicate with others to let them know how we feel.
Most of our actions are motivated by one of two basic emotions: fear and desire. Fear and desire are universal energisers and motivators. Whenever there is any great accomplishment, there you will find them the Yin and Yan. Two sides of the same coin. We fear that we will not get our desires and we desire that we will not experience the things that we fear.
Fear is an internal guidance system which indicates to us that our very basic need for safety and security is not
being met.
Common fears loss of control, rejection, offending others, disapproval, failure, pain and sickness, death, uncertainty and the unknown, being alone, loss of security, not being able to achieve our desires.
Desires wealth, happiness, success, acceptance (one of the most critical), approval, security, certainty, freedom, independence, privacy, usefulness, variety, pleasure, power, growth, to avoid the things we fear (inner peace).
The extent to which fear or desire motivates us depends on what we value - what is important to us. For example, if we value security we are likely to be afraid of uncertainty, rejection, failure or disapproval.
We often go to great pains consciously of subconsciously to hide our fears. We do this either because it is too uncomfortable to experience or because we fear it make us vulnerable.
We mask our fears, in an attempt to feel worthy and escape disapproval, by pretending to be what we fear we are not. Someone said to me recently " I was pretending and pretending that I was not pretending"; managing and controlling others; feeling superior; seeking status, money and fame; always competing: trying to be the smartest, the fastest and the best; giving up our rights to necessary freedoms.
Most of the things we fear are outside of the reach of our consciousness. We either do not know why we fear them or do not realise that fear is the real motive for our actions. Most of the things we fear are in the future. We worry that they might happen. Fear has its foundation in a belief that we have no power to change the situation or to change how we feel about the situation we find ourselves in and of which we are afraid.
FACING OUR FEARS
Learn to unearth it, to identify them especially as they are occurring.
Admit to them, if only to yourself. Later it will be easier to admit them to others. It is only by recognising your fears that we can learn from them. It takes practice of 'being present', that is, paying attention to any uneasiness that is happening in us as it is happening to us.
Accept our feelings -- allow ourselves to feel the fear without judgement, ignoring, defending or denying our fear. Acknowledging and accepting our fears can be risky as we are faced with having to deal with them, however doing so triggers our intellect to begin working on a solution.
Acknowledging our fears also is the first step in the direction of self-acceptance which is itself the first rung on the ladder of personal growth. We need to reason our way out of our fears rather than deny them. Take responsibility for whatever you fear. With responsibility comes authority. Authority to do something about the thing we fear.
Once fear is identified we are able to set a goal of dealing with it. The simple act of setting a goal of beginning to work on a problem results in positive feelings, since then, we begin to send a message to ourselves that we are in control and empowered to improve our lives. When we do we are on the way to taking charge of our fears and by extension our own lives.
- Dr. Sonia Davidson is a medical practitioner who also practises integrative medicine.
