Claude Mills, Staff Reporter 
Hey, if yelling 'No, put that down!' worked most of the time, you wouldn't be reading this article.
LAST YEAR, the nation recoiled in horror when a father was slapped with a murder charge for beating his son with a length of board for returning from school without his schoolbag. The child was taken to hospital by neighbours, but was pronounced dead on arrival.
The story highlighted how things can go horribly wrong when adults lose their temper with children in their charge.
Thankfully, that sort of scenario is not the norm. Chances are that you have seen parents go ballistic and beat the dickens out of their children in supermarkets or other public places, and thought 'what a bad parent!'. Well, that is, until you're faced with an out of control child who refuses to behave in public.
In Jamaica, it is not uncommon for parents to use canes, belts, slippers, electric wires, hoses, and other items, to instil discipline and 'mannas' in their youngsters. Every so often, given the daily pressures of life, things may go overboard.
One young father remains puzzled by his two-year-old's temper tantrums.
"Sometimes my daughter is well behaved, but at times, she becomes a different creature. She tests us by crying, stomping her feet and occasionally taking a swing at her mother. Sometimes, I don't really know how to deal with her. I just want to grab her and shake her until she stops," admits the distraught father.
Obviously that's not the answer, so what can a parent do?
There are several schools of thought on this. One thought is to walk away. Another says send the child to a "time-out," especially in a public situation. Still others say the best way to stop a tantrum is to intervene.
Any or all of these may work, but in addition, here are a few tips to help keep your temper under wraps and control of the situation, and a few on how to stave off losing your temper with a child.
It is a matter of self-control. It is best not to lose your cool no matter what happens.
Understand the developmental stage of the child. There are many books on the market about raising children. Invest in a few, become an informed parent.
"A lot of toddlers, even younger than two...throw a lot of temper tantrums, basically because they can't tell us what they want. You can't expect a two-year-old to behave like a 22-year-old," said a counsellor from the One-to-one parenting hotline.
Children do not like when they cannot do what they want. Nevertheless, it is a parent's job to guide children to safe and appropriate behaviour.
Children are emotional, not rational human beings and chances are they will act on impulses regardless of how many times you warn them. What you need is a combination of firmness and redirection when a child misbehaves. Do not give in to a child's temper tantrums. Avoid hitting the child.
Take a 'time-out'. Leave the room for a while. Have somebody act as a buffer between you and the child. If you are losing control of your emotions, have the person take the child out of the room, or intervene.
If no one else is around, focus the tantrum out, but try removing yourself from the room. Just be
sure the child is not in an atmosphere where he or she can hurt themselves as they let their anger loose.
Ignore the tantrums thrown just for attention
"The more attention you give to a child who is throwing a tantrum, the more you enforce that behaviour, leading to more tantrums," said the parenting hotline counsellor. She believes parents should turn their backs on all tantrum episodes, literally. "Simply turn your back and do something else while they scream and fuss."
Calm the storm by talking in a soft voice, or by distracting the child with a book or toy they like.
"Sometimes you have to remind them that you are not going to listen to them until they calm down," the counsellor says. Do not give them what they want while they're throwing a fit.
"When the tantrum is over, tell them that mommy can't get you that today, and give them a big hug to remind them that there are ways other than having a tantrum to get what they want or need."
Do not let naughty behaviour slip, but make sure you are taking time to call attention to positive behaviour as well. Work out a token system where good behaviour is rewarded by doing something the child loves, and punish the child by taking away something the child loves when he or she has been naughty.
If the child throws a tantrum in public, you can resort to the 'time-out' technique away from public view.
"The most effective thing to do, and it only has to be done a couple of times, is to remove the child from the building," she says. "Go to the car or someplace where there is no one else. Or place the child in a corner, in a chair or in another room if it is safe."
With pre-teens and teenagers, you can work out a rule and consequences which govern behaviour within the household. Involve the children in the process of deciding the consequences for naughty behaviour.
"Although the adult is the one who is ultimately responsible for the child, you can have the kids have a say in working out the rules and the consequences. By giving them a voice, you can show them how to be responsible, how to express themselves and how to love and be honest," the counsellor said.
After the tantrum has abated, and all is said and done, a big hug and a little, "I love you" will help everyone feel better.
