Jennifer Keane-Dawes, ContributorMe dear mam:
IF YU hear yu aise did a ring inna de heap a rain weh nayly wash yu weh de other day. A neva nubaddy but me pon one piece a headden fe dung a hell crassway.
Cause me deh a foreign a swear to gad seh nuh matter how much gal me son siddung pon telephone wid. Till me fahda haffi come a foreign come ask him seh if him a business man wid de heap a call call weh him a get fram gal. An de heap a call call weh him a call dem back. Missis, nuh matter how much a dem, wedder dem be black, white, chiny, or whatever a call him. Nuh matter. Me we foot de bill. As long as dem name ooman. For guess wah? Missis, after me inna kitchen a cut up piece a garlic inna me pot a dry gungo fe me Sunday dinner.
One mine tell me fe shoob me head outta door for me did dis sen me son fe go bring een one parcel outta de car. When me dis in time fe see dis man. Weh fava Elvis Presley. Slow dung a me gate an about fe ask me son question. Suh quick an briss, me ask him weh him want. An a him dat. A come mek me know how him did dis about fe ask me son fe come cut grass fe him. An how him lib some weh nedda inna de neighborhood. Well, me nuh cry nuh quarters. Me mek him know seh look pon him good. Him ongle tall. Six foot add. But him a pickney. Him hab a madda. Which is me. An all question pertaining to anyting compulsory haffi must an boun come through me. Plus, him nuh really a dead fe hungry. An as a matter a fact, try move fram me gate. Well, quick time him hapalagy hapalagy an drive off.
An missis, a deh suh me begin fe cuss. An when me cuss an cuss till me tired, me call me next yardie fren weh lib close by an she she: "But him is a big man! Why him nuh go cut him damn grass?"
An a deh suh now wi come to one conclusion how some a dem ya kine a man bright like mawning star. Well, after me son mek now seh me fe stop talk an waste me breath for him a nuh eediat, me begin reflect how once upon a time a yard, a neva nutten fe big smady. Normal or addawise. Come a smady gate an ask parents fe one a dem pickney. Suh for example, Teacha Brooks an him wife weh know seh Dally hab seben pickney, woulda walk go dung de hill to Dally yard. See de heap a pickney dem out a dutty a play marble, an tell one a dem fe run go call dem madda. Suh a Dally she now, come out pon verandah wid de lilly baby a side. An one pon de way.
Teacha Brooks: "Good heveling, Miss Dally."
Miss Dally: "Good heveling Teacha. Sarry oonoo cyaan come een sar for me neva expect yu an de baby a sleep."
Teacha: "Das awright. (An begin hold one a de pickney head top like smady a go screw off bottle cover) Me an Miss Iris was kansidarin das if yu coulda mek wetek da lilly big one ya. Him look useful."
Miss Dally: "(A skin teet) A true? Awright. Pansie run go wash yu foot an put on yu slippas an gwone wid teacha. An look bout deh yu see plastic bag. Put de frack in deh. An nuh badda carry weh de two baggie. Tek one an lef one fe yu sista."
An as Teacha tun weh outta de yard wid de pickney like a store him dis go buy him, hear Dally: "What a gad good ting me did hab him. Now if a even crackers me wi eat outta him han for Teacha naw lef me out."
Suh me dear mam, me nuh know a who fool Miss Elvis. But she can nuh badda try crass me path again for believe you me. De way me woulda a go inna hell crass way. Me woulda muss fasten an block off all exit an entry.
Tek Care!
Dr. Jennifer Keane-Dawes is Director of Graduate Studies at Norfolk State University in Virginia.
