By H. Maxine Bryan, Contributor
- Norman Grindley /Staff Photographer
KAREN, MY classmate from high school, and her husband died months apart from the dreaded disease AIDS. It was a shock to everyone because these seemed the most unlikely candidates for the big 'A'. Since their deaths I have been alert and angry, probably even paranoid about the subject.
Just after we graduated from high school, Karen visited my home to spend Christmas holidays. She discovered some condoms in my drawer and was shocked at the thought that I was indulging. I managed to put her mind at ease after explaining that I was only preparing for the right time ... but she still gave me one of her detailed lectures about the sacred covenant of sex and marriage.
"If a man can get milk for free, why buy a cow?" she asked.
I was left feeling like a harlot, knowing in my heart that before that speech, I might have given my precious 'milk' to Denzil Washington right then and there for free, if he'd asked. Karen was one of those individuals who you could never picture actually having sex. "Proper" would not be pure enough a word to describe her.
Approximately one year after that Christmas, I was called upon to toast Karen on her wedding day and I could not help sharing our little condom incident with the guests, everyone laughed heartily. However, it seemed far from funny eight years later when I took the rostrum to read her eulogy.
At that moment I realised that the likelihood of a saint being infected, might be a notch higher than it is for a harlot. That begged the question, "are married women more exposed..." I felt compelled to do some sleuthing on my own.
At the end of 2001, the records showed the number of reported HIV/AIDS cases in Jamaica to be 6,038 -- 3,636 males, 2,402 females. Of that total, 939 were children. These figures were also segmented into various groups such age; parish; homosexual males and females; bisexual males and females etc., allowing me to compare the categories.
However, there was no separate category for married women. Interestingly though, the leading category was heterosexual female (which would be the most suitable group to place married women) and the leading age group was 30-34. Another shocker was that 900 of the total number of babies born in the year 2000 were tested positive. I then decided to conduct a survey.
I asked 50 married women on a college campus this question, "Do you practice safe sex with your husband?"
I got the same response from all, a confident "No".
I then asked 50 married men the same question, all except three answered "No". Two of the three who answered differently said he used a condom for family planning reasons, and the other man shyly confessed that, whenever he uses it he takes a longer time to reach an orgasm and that pleases his wife.
This survey was also conducted for single women. The results were that 41 out of the 50 women consistently used a condom. The other nine admitted to slipping up once or twice.
The next question in my mind was, "How many of these married folk are faithful?" I decided to conduct this survey at a popular nightclub, hoping the alcohol intake would loosen tongues a little.
I planted myself on a stool at the bar and before long I got my 50 married (or living with someone) men, 10 of whom tried to pick me up. Eleven of these men swore they had never cheated, 10 admitted to cheating but said they always used a condom, 29 said they cheated but did not always using a condom, or they have had accidents like the condom slipping off or being broken during intercourse.
None of these men practised safe sex with their wives and only eight of them had been tested for HIV/AIDS in the last four years -- for insurance or job related purposes. It was interesting to note also, that at least 75 per cent of these men strongly believed that their wives, and in some instances their sweethearts, were faithful and hence protection was not needed.
The women clubbing that night were mainly single or separated, but I eventually obtained my statistics in the ladies room.
Married women seem to be more faithful. Thirty-five of the 50 women said they had never cheated. The remaining 15 claimed that they had good reasons to do so -- husband overseas for extended periods, dissatisfaction in the
matrimonial bed, and temporary
separations.
I was then more convinced than ever, based on the information I had gathered, that women on a whole are not only more faithful, but more careful than men. Maybe this is because women have more consequences to face like
unwanted pregnancies and marred reputations (being labelled sluts, whores).
Most men are aware of this, so they feel safe with their wives. On the other hand, some wives may have concerns but feel it would be somewhat disruptive to insist on safe sex within the marriage.
There are also the wives who still swear that their husbands are faithful, some pretentiously boasting at the office lunch table, "He has no reason to go elsewhere because I satisfy him."
Then, there's the average wife who just keeps the subject alive in an effort to keep them alert, but the rest is left to fate because she feels powerless in this regard.
Sadly though, besides prostitutes and drug abusers, the women who are at greater risk are those who take unto themselves a husband and vow, "til death us do part."
This is not to say that most married women will eventually contract the disease, nor does it mean that individuals in other categories are not at risk. However, based on the evidence gathered it's evident that men tend to be more promiscuous yet less cautious than women. Plus, married women are generally least likely or willing to protect themselves. Hence, they are the ones most exposed.
