- Carlington Wilmot
Depression can make even the most confident person consider the choice between life and death.
Daviot Kelly, Staff Reporter
The sound of music and laughter, the sight of food, family, happy shoppers... these things only mock their tears.
CHRISTMAS is the time of family gatherings, of warmth and cheer, but for many it is a time of loneliness, and a final reminder of all their failures and unhappiness during the year.
Christmas is also the season of suicides, the ultimate protest of men, women and children who cannot live on borrowed cheer.
As upsetting as it is to talk about, those who are faced with the cold cadavers police and medical personnel have the same story to tell every year.
They do it by hanging, by cutting their wrists and other inventive ways.
If they are successful, the end results are the same. Their families find their bodies and letters saying that life was too painful to be lived. Suicide.
This is the problem that no one wants to unveil, but, as the end of the year nears, the hospitals and other relevant authorities are bracing themselves to deal with those who will attempt to take their lives... people who have decided that they cannot face another year like the one which is past.
Between January 1, 2002 and November 29, there have been 53 reported cases of suicide six of which have been women. The figures are set to climb as December and the end of the year comes in.
Why do more people seek to take their own lives during the holiday season?
It is quite possible that the ultimate decision a person can make is whether or not to take his life. The ages are as varied as the reasons: a grown man who is the only breadwinner for his family and has lost his job; a child who fears breaking the news that the exams did not go well; or it may be a young lady who is being abused by her father but no one believes her.
All are potential suicide victims but the examples don't stop there. Persons who are mentally ill, persons who are addicted or those just fed up with life in general are at risk. In all of these, depression plays a key factor in the contemplation of this final act. Despite its prevalence, not everyone wants to talk about it.
One of Jamaica's closest neighbours, the United States, records that males are four times more likely to end their lives than their female counterparts. This is comparable with Jamaican statistics from last year. Seventy-three persons took their lives last year and of that number, 61 of them were men nearly six times the number of women. So far this year there have been 53 suicides; only six have been women. Data from the website of Telephone Counselling and Referral Service (www.tcrs211.org) indicate that suicide is higher among men who have been widowed, divorced or separated and lowest among those that are married.
According to the Constabulary Communications Network (CCN) the police information body, hanging seems to be the choice way of ending one's life as 50 of last year's victims chose that method. This contrasts with the United States in which the use of a firearm takes precedence. It is not known what is the reason for the difference in method. The age range was very diverse. The largest individual group was the 36-40 year olds with 11 deaths. The combined age groups of 11-15 and 21-25 had 12 persons taking their own lives. Twenty-three of the cases saw depression as the catalyst for the action.
What goes through the mind of a person who is contemplating suicide? What makes him/her decide that it's better to just end it all instead of trying to work it out? Mariewas 15 and living with her father, stepmother and younger siblings in western Jamaica. Home was not a pleasant place. "I was unhappy, I felt I needed love but my parents didn't know how to give it. There were no hugs, no compliments only reprimands. I felt like I was unfairly treated."
After many years of feeling left out and inadequate and very frustrated, she felt it was time: she couldn't take it anymore. One Saturday she reached her limit. Marie took so many painkillers she can't even remember the exact number. She lay down and patiently waited for death. As she waited all types of thoughts went through her mind, chief among them, did she really want to die? To this day, she still doesn't know how exactly, but she dragged herself out of bed and not being able to face her parents, went to a relative's house. "She was going out when I came and I was really starting to feel weak." Her relative, after seeing her condition, dropped all plans and quickly rushed her to hospital.
The hospital was scary. The doctor, she recalls, was not friendly and caring. In fact he was very bullish. She cringes slightly when she speaks of the tube that was pushed through her nose down to her stomach. Marie was lucky; she survived. She moved into her relative's home and that was a turning point in her life. "I started going to church and became a Christian. The whole environment was different now. There was a lot more love, a sense of belonging..."
Today, Marie is doing well. She leans on the Lord, her husband and family members for support. The relationship with her parents is now much better, especially with her stepmother. She is now attending university and has taken control of her life. She says has learnt from her ordeal and wishes to share with others on the edge: "Find someone to talk to," she stresses. "Remember that life is worth living regardless of all the pain and suffering you may be going through".
Although many persons knew that Marie was unhappy for a long time, her attempted suicide was still shocking to all who knew her. What signs do you look for in someone contemplating suicide? What are the warning signs you must recognise before it's too late? Dr. Donovan Thomas, National Director of Jamaica Youth for Christ (JYFC), says that every suicide threat should be taken seriously, no matter how it sounds. Another thing to look for is that the persons seem to be "getting their things in order", or are overly concerned with sorting out personal affairs.
He, along with members of JYFC, counsel young people about not committing suicide. What do you say to someone who is? "Our first response is not that God loves you, He cares for you. Even though that helps, our first avenue is to help those participants...to get in touch with their own feelings. What is it that you are feeling? Are you feeling embarrassed? Do you feel hopeless, helpless?... you have to be able to process that."
Suicide is contemplated whenever the person feels he is in a situation that he cannot escape. He sees life as having no meaning. "If you can help them to see that they have something to offer, to see that they are worthwhile, that they are achieving in other areas, that can help them to defuse a suicide crisis."
Dr. Thomas is also a minister of religion and spoke with Outlook on the church's views of the heavy topic. "In the context where suicide is recorded in the Bible, the writers do not condemn or condone the act. That could mean that they knew what was the stance and did not need to repeat it. But I have taken the slant that at the time of suicide, it is not the time to be judgmental... it is a time to be caring... it is a time to offer help and support rather than pointing fingers." He does admit that there are conflicts with suicide and the teachings of the Christianity especially faith, hope and love.
Dr Thomas does not believe that there is any justification for suicide. "There is a saying that once there is life, there is hope. I can relate that. My father went through two months of being on the ventilator, not being able to live... he was out of it for two months. It is never two late for intervention and God will come through... even in the face of the most challenging situation".
The loved ones a suicide victim leaves behind are oftentimes forgotten. How do they react? Are they overwhelmingly sad? Are they confused? (why did they do it?) Or is it bitterness? (how could they do this to me?) It's hard to understand human reactions in such tragic times.
All these thoughts ran through the head of Mr. Stewart. He never expected his niece to commit suicide. He was very close to her and even though he took it badly, her unexpected act left her parents even more deeply troubled and devastated.Angeladid not seem like someone who was thinking about suicide. She was always a brilliant student; getting straight A's through high school and carrying those grades into university. She had friends, some of whom she had known since high school.
It seemed to be a case of 'silent river running deep'. "She was kind of reserved, she never used to talk much," Mr. Stewart remembers. He is, quite frankly, still at a loss for words even two years after her death. He remembers that she did not wish to go to school that fateful day. She said she was feeling ill and wanted to stay home for the day. "It seems like she had planned the whole thing," Mr. Stewart reflects. "She knew where her father's gun was and the fact that she did it in the bathtub". The
tragic thing is that her own sibling, who was in another part of the house, never heard a thing.
The biggest question was and still remains, why? Why did this bright, energetic young woman just end it all before it even really started for her? Mr. Stewart said that medical tests proved that she was not pregnant nor was she suffering from any ailments. Even those friends that she was supposedly close to had no idea. "In fact, they used to go to her all the time for her help with schoolwork. They said that they didn't see her hanging out with any bad company either, so it (her reason) must have been something very deep. She didn't even leave a note".
He begs families to pay extra close attention to relatives as you can never know when something is wrong. He advocates that talking to them constantly can't hurt although he knows that "everyone has their own problems".
So what counselling for those left behind? This is one area where the church especially can get involved. Dr. Thomas has had to deal with family members of suicide victims before. "Many people feel angry, they feel guilty, they feel disappointed. One of the first things again is to help them to get in touch with their feelings and also to be able to help them to the point where they recognise that it is not their fault."But, there are times when it is far from easy to get through to a person who is planning to commit suicide. Stanleyhas been HIV positive for about seven years now and when he found out he was devastated. He even lost his job because of his disease. He was ready to end it all.
"I bought the cord and everything," he says matter-of-factly. Emotional help was there for him, but he refused to listen to anyone. "When I was on the way to do it, my friend called me on my cell phone telling me not to do it, and I turned it off." But by a strange turn of events, first the bus broke down, then the tyre blew out. Finally, the bus had to take an alternate route to its destination. He remembers accidentally taking some sleeping pills and by the time he woke up, the same friend had found him and, over the next few days, refused to leave his side. Finally, the friend took him to Jamaica Aids Support (JAS) and it changed his life."
They became my friends and it was as if they were walking the path with me," he remembers. "After constantly counselling me and everything, I was overtaken by the love." Not only has Stanley moved on from feelings of suicide, he now counsels others faced with the same problems he faced. He says one doesn't need a doctoral thesis to talk with people who are on the edge. "Just listen to them, sometimes they may want to talk all day, make time. You have to call them, check on them; just know how they're doing."
Thoughts of suicide seem to take on some new level of prominence during the holiday season. The Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons report that the incidents of suicide tend to go up in the festive seasons of the year especially for example at Christmas time. This seems to be more than a mere coincidence. Dr. Orlean Brown, consulting psychologist believes that the festive times of the year are associated with and geared toward families and so for those who are depressed, this is tough to face alone.
"They think about the family and the closeness, and so if they felt that no one cared about them before, then they would feel that way even more. So these times tend to spur on those feelings."
Dr. Brown suggested ways that downhearted individuals can battle feelings of loneliness and depression. "Get involved in something, keep busy, if you hear like someone is going to, let's say, a children's home, go with them."
In her opinion, visits of that nature will allow the individual the opportunity to see that there are others that are in worse situations. "They then may be less likely to commit suicide as they might see that there are more important things in life." Dr. Brown also encouraged persons to pay attention to everyone around them as you never know who might be planning to do it next. "Look for any sudden change, for example in their eating. Listen carefully, and please, take any (she emphasised the word), any threat of suicide seriously." She pointed to persons who had just suffered some loss in a relationship, or those who have experienced trauma as individuals who should be paid special attention. She encourages the general public to give support by visiting or even just calling these persons to say "how you doing". "Plan things with them, invite them to lunch next week or something; give them something to look forward to."Who can I turn to? What will make me feel better? How do I stop the pain? It's not that all persons contemplating suicide don't want help, it's just that sometimes they don't know where to get it. All the persons Outlook spoke to, agreed on one common point; find someone with whom you can talk. That person does not have to hold a degree; it doesn't have to be someone you know. There are places to get help like JAS, like the Church, the suicide hotline; a friend.
Even if you have never contemplated suicide, it does not mean that you may not be affected. That friend you haven't spoken to in a while, or that cousin who keeps to herself a lot may very well be thinking about it. Here's the upside; you don't have to be a professional psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor; all you need to do is listen. Listen and pay attention; someone you know may be going over the edge.
Names changed to protect privacy.
