By Ayanna Kirton, Staff Reporter
LIKE ALL New Years past, this time of year is marked with making plans and setting goals for the coming days. These resolutions usually involve kicking bad habits like overeating and overspending. Often at the bottom of our list of resolutions -- if is considered at all -- is the need to improve our relationships with our significant other.
Counsellor, Connie Harris-Atkinson suggests that you
consider these three D's when making your relationship resolutions. First of all there must be obvious Dissatisfaction which will in turn make you Determined to change it regardless of the obstacles that you may face. Once you have identified the problems and reached your Destination, meaning that you have finally put the wheels in motion to make the necessary changes -- you have to commit yourself to follow through and not lose heart as the year progresses.
Use 2003 to pay attention to the ways in which you can enhance your relationships or even mend fences broken from transgressions of the past year. A healthy, happy relationship doesn't just happen overnight, work at some of these specific, highly doable resolutions to make this year more rewarding.
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE
People in relationships often believe that their partners are the sole providers of happiness. This couldn't be further from the truth. Depending on one person for your own fulfilment says a lot about your confidence (or lack of). Don't get caught in this trap, if the relationship goes sour it makes getting over your lost love much more difficult.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
If there is a problem get it out in the open through civilised (when possible) conversation. Trying to cope with a situation that bothers you on your own can lead to increased inner turmoil making both you and your lover equally frustrated. "My boyfriend and I learned that keeping our feelings at bay can make both of us completely oblivious to the other's feelings. Now we both try to let each other know when something makes us uncomfortable," says Diane, a 24-year-old model.
LEARN TO ENJOY TIME AWAY FROM YOUR PARTNER
In the seminal stages of any relationship it is natural to spend every waking moment with that special someone." Before I met my husband I used to be an artist. When we were dating I used to see him every single day and we'd do what he wanted to do. All the hours we spent made me lose valuable time that I would have spent working on my favourite escape. I regret not painting during those years because I know that it would have given me fulfilment especially when the relationship endured rocky times," says Claire, a 30-year-old store manager. As your relationship becomes more established it is important not to base your life on that of your partner. While it's important to be there for them, take some alone time to focus on you. Don't neglect your own interests because you have found true love.
LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
Although this should go without saying, many people have a problem grasping this concept. Struggling with feelings of jealousy or possessiveness can be directly linked to issues you may have with your own self-esteem.
COMPROMISE
Don't always try to get your own way. In a relationship sometimes it helps to just go with the flow. However, don't confuse compromising with being a doormat. Try to maintain that happy medium -- be considerate but assertive.
MAINTAIN A LEVEL OF MYSTERY
Keeping your partner guessing keeps the relationship new and exciting. "Don't always be available for your boyfriend," says 25-year-old Kara, "I was always at my ex's every beck and call and as you can see we're no longer together. The relationship can become boring." If you're able to predict your sweetheart's every move you may begin to find your relationship as engaging as watching paint dry.
SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE
Thrill your partner by being open to trying new things in the bedroom. Incorporating toys, role playing, or even "doing it" in unusual places are just a few things you can do to enhance your sexual relationship. Having sex with the same person for the rest of your life does not have to be the end of the world, as you know it. In fact, it can make you even more in tune with that person's physical and emotional needs making your relationship that much stronger over all.
IF YOU FIND THAT YOUR MATE MAKES YOU MORE MISERABLE THAN HAPPY, FORGET IT
Constant bickering or crying yourself to sleep at nights is rarely indicative of a stable, fulfilling relationship. "My ex-boyfriend and I would fight all the time. I was completely unhappy and knew that I made the best decision when I told him that we should put our relationship on the back burner. I am now less irritable and I don't worry about what he'll be doing behind my back because there's no longer any reason to," says Lisa, a 21-year-old nail technician.
LEARN WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS
The difficulty of letting go of a relationship with someone you have become familiar with can be grounds for trying to stick it out. If you are at your wit's end trying to figure out why you continue to subject yourself to the torture that is your relationship it's time to step.
GET TO KNOW YOUR PARTNER'S FRIENDS AND FAMILY
Usually, making an effort to bond with family and friends will help to reveal elements of your partner's personality that you may not have been aware of. Not only does your interest in your mate's life outside of what you both share show the level of importance you place on the relationship, but seeing how your partner interacts with family/ friends and the depth of their relationships may even act as a catalyst in your decision to love them or leave them. David, a 26-year-old architect suggests that women should "get to know their mate's parents, especially their mothers. Once you're in the mother's good books you're guaranteed to be around for a while!" he says.
