By Rosemary Parkinson, Freelance Writer 
Above: Mother's Full House lunch. At right: Mother's Ocho Rios. - Photo By Rosemary Parkinson
NORMA SHIRLEY and/or myself, the self-proclaimed JRPP (Jamaican Restrooms Police Patrol) used to make it a point to report any gross imperfections at Mother's in Santa Cruz with regard to the amenities at 'our' favourite watering hole between Kingston and Negril.
The improvement in cleanliness 'though welcomed, became boring. As time progressed there was no longer the need for the complaints sautéed with sweet flirtations to Mr. Good-looking Big Boss in Kingston. Miss Norma and myself continue avidly, however, to pursue our extra-curricular activities elsewhere as JRPPs, not 'giving up de fight' for bathrooms to be the pride of Jamaica so that every one of us can travel freely round de country knowing that when we have to make a stop to go, we can. (How's that for a play upon words).
The Santa Cruz branch of Mother's is my stomping ground. They have fabulous chicken -- plump and juicy with just the right amount of spicy seasonings -- orgasmic potato salad (like homemade) and good service that makes stopping there for chow a must, for me. Continue to keep the JRPP away from your boss and Santa Cruz Branch is a winner. A big up to their 'Guardsman' who always ensures parking and a watchful eye on us ladies.
In Kingston, I am a regular when in 'de capital' at Liguanea for Mother's amazing beef/cheese patties. (Took a quantity overseas -- the family totally enjoyed every mouthful -- no loss of taste on freezing).
Cross Roads branch -- l just heard that my JRPP colleague has taken a box-load of their New Jerk Chicken to London claiming it is absolutely to die for. It's only available at that Branch, so can't wait to visit and report.
Attention, attention Ocho Rios, you are letting down the side. First you miserably failed the JRPP test around 3:00 p.m. on January 20. What a mess. No toilet paper, no soap and two members of staff in there (using said facilities) who answered my obvious questions with "Management does know too". Plus, you should have experienced the face on the lady with mop in hand to whom I spoke about the deplorable conditions. Well, well, well.
I stood in line behind two people for what seemed like ages before being served. My order went like this: The Full House (a new product), no, not the meal, just the Full House. She punched in the meal and had to 'dis-punch'. "One order each potato salad, coleslaw, peas and rice. No coleslaw? Okay, just the other two. One two-piece chicken meal --wing and back only (repeated twice). One Patty Meal."
Money paid, chit in hand, the huge wait began. The order finally arrived with coleslaw, no potato salad, no peas and rice and no concern about money return until questioned. More confusion arose after I ordered a hot dog and required the missing peas and rice $20 credited against same. Then there was no ginger beer, no Ting, only Pepsi.
Mother's, Mother's, Mother's, it's time you begin to serve those diet drinks or bottled water the JRPP have been begging for. The high statistics on diabetes in this country is reason enough. In fact, I wish all fast food joints would read where the blame is going in the United States for obesity and take note. Educational posters to promote water, coconut water (the ones without added sugar) and/or 'diet' drinks together with how to eat healthy with fast foods should be a must. I congratulate you on introducing your Jamaican breakfast where, for as little as $120 one can have a healthy beginning to the day.
Now for the 'fodder' taste test at Ochi. The normal patty -- very tasty. Great. (Comments made by a 'Negrilian' Juici Patties lover). The chicken, dried out, dark looking with no taste. The bread looked as if someone had trampled on it before boxing. Coleslaw, great. The Full House, delicious and now right on my 'favourites' list, although the patty was cold and the cheese had not melted. Bet Santa Cruz will have Full House to perfection next time I pass through. Actually, as I write this my mouth waters. Come along, come along -- Negril needs you Mother's.
The hot dog test. The sausage no longer 'glow in the dark' pink (I continue to see them on the market and wonder why) but in this case unfortunately the skin was hard and the filling cardboard. Back to the drawing board guys -- I know who's at fault here and cannot believe that after all these years of producing good quality products for home and abroad, a sausage is proving to be too much for your expertise. It's just a hot dog, for crying out loud. I will not buy imported unless I have to, but this sausage questions my decision.
Mother's Ocho Rios needs heavy shaking up. The place itself is so cute -- I love the architecture and colourful interior (as with the others). My congratulations to Guardsman Lenroy Brown who, on seeing the messy table, quickly came to our aid (right in front of the unconcerned supervisor) and cleaned same. It was not part of his duties but what can I say -- team work I am always trying to instil in staff. By the looks of it maybe Guardsman should begin training staff for the culinary industry too!
Sorry Mandeville, I do the by-pass but who knows, maybe one day I just might drop in so be aware. By the way, several birdies are whispering to me that Island Grill in Kingston needs some serious shaking up ... will have to check that out.
I understand that last week's review caused some distress to the management of Tapas in Montego Bay. Let me say that I have never gone out of my way to 'ruin small businesses' but to encourage their existence as many of them produce an excellent product I can attest to. My reviews, 'though sometimes bordering on a 'MontyPythonian' humour, only set out to be positive, pointing out areas for improvement. Secondly, to answer a question that was raised, I am not a qualified chef but I am a trained customer and that's the most important credentials to have for this job.
Nourishment of truthfulness bodes well. Watch nourishment, and seek personal fulfilment yourself.
I Ching Book of Change.
