ON FEBRUARY 26, of this year, the Senate and House committees, at a joint meeting decided to put back on the agenda, the desirability of a new Parliament building. This article will therefore explore various places of abode that the Nation's distinguished public servants could move to, since the new oath seems to be "Let us, your humble (but not poor) servants partake first out of any manna, before thy blessings wither away. Selah".
The case for a new building is that the current building, Gordon House, is considered too small for all the committee meetings plus the lack of sufficient security and parking, having been built for a much smaller generation. The main problem is that in view of the current fiscal problems and others that the country will face, then any new Parliament building, which offers state of the art facilities for media and the expected sauna, gym, and other desirable facilities, may run the cost tag above J$1 billion (which will rise given the historical experience of cost-over-runs and the depreciation of the Jamaican dollar).
In an unfortunate turn of events, the position taken by the Opposition Leader, the most honourable Edward Seaga, to oppose, oppose and oppose, means that this joint support for the construction of a new building has evaporated, leaving the PNP members, who are still in support, 'out on a limb', open to heavy criticism of spending off the country's meagre resources on a grandiose scheme. We have to therefore look at alternative facilities that can house the expanded Parliament.
There is the new Remand Centre built beside STATS, named the Horizon Centre, which offers the gym and other state of the art facilities but its current inmates may object to the conversion. We also have National Heroes Park, where given the reference to 'out on a limb', we may have to hold meetings in open air decor under trees, but then again a lot of Jamaicans don't like ghosts/duppies, so some of our esteemed political and other cultural figures buried there, would scare away some of the attendees.
A suggestion from Mr. Seaga to use the Jamaica Conference Centre may also 'run aground' in case of any Seabed meetings. This leaves us with a focus on the need for better security and parking. We could offer to NASA, the willingness of our Parliamentarians, to be the first travellers on any re-launched Shuttle (not Russia, since you have to pay a lot for this). This kills two birds with one stone, since it would test their safety improvements and avoid the loss of any key figures. To avoid parking woes, we could also send them to the International Space Station. In the event of any U.S. vs. Iraqi war, they would also be safe from any Al-Sammound missiles.
A U.S. vs. Iraqi war may also mean that building too secure a complex, may be considered intimidatory by the U.S., in light of the planned aerial assault on the Iraqi Royal Palace complex. This rules out therefore the complexity of any complex plans to build a new Parliamentary complex. We also run the risk, if we make the new building too secure, then given the high level of violence in Kingston, our MPs may not wish to leave their new habitat and venture home, leaving the MPs open to desertion suits by wives/or husbands.
If it is too comfortable we also run the risk of encouraging our Parliamentarians to argue for days rather than the lengthy hours that they now engage in, despite cramped confines.
We are therefore left with the best option at this time i.e. transfer to BELLEVUE. In fact some would argue that it is a most natural fit. While we are hoping to move the certified insane out, we can move the certified sane in. A 'saltness' can then be blamed on the historical ambience or the proximity to the sea.
